Were you ever real at all?

Entry ~
I know you're scared. You should be scared. You're taking a huge leap of faith leaving the only "home" you've ever known. But that home you built isn't four walls, and a solid tin roof. It's your soul. It's that thumping in your chest that keeps you awake at 2am. It's the memories you've stored, locked away tight behind steel bars, because god only knows if those bars weren't there those memories would hit you like the eye of a storm. Calm at first, sweet, but then painful, like shards of glass beneath your feet. And I know how much it hurts to leave. To walk away from so many unresolved things. To remove yourself from the lives of people you rely on, that rely on you. But part of living is knowing when to leave. It's knowing when your environment no longer suits the shell you're in. It's easy to tell when that chapter of your life begins. It starts with a slow depression easing its way in, and an unexplained restlessness. I know how much you fight it. The warning signs telling you it's time to go again. You are so afraid of being free, but your curiosity has its own needs. It was never a choice being free. It's always been a part of your destiny. I know you've felt that unexplainable presence easing your anxiety. And it's okay to breathe. It's okay to just be. To not know where you're going to be next spring. It's all a part of the plan. You need to have faith that those guiding you won't lead you astray. You are being protected, and I know you aren't religious, but when you feel like you've lost your way, fall to your knees, and pray. Look for the butterfly, and have faith that one small act of courageousness will set your life in motion. But you have to be willing to take action first. So flap your wings, and don't be afraid of the tornado that follows. You created your fear, and only you can survive in the wake of it.

Within the dark capsule of closed eyes,
the soul seeps its way through,
and one becomes two.

A twisting, intangible face within organic casing,
detached and pulled from physical being,
falling upwards against streams of

watery blue and mossy green,
losing fingers and feet along the way,
failing to grasp at the invisible silvery cord
attached to its belly.

Plunging face first into a pool of cool gray,
Sound dulled by the wet hum of nothingness
flowing through starfilled ears.

Utterly embraced,
Transparent, transcended and weightless.
Floating calm amongst the outer waters of consciousness.
And for a moment, finding itself
free.

Pain-

It isn't always a thorn in your feet,
Or the throbbing ache from an overused mind,
Nursing a starved heart.

Fear-

It isn't the Boogeyman in your closet,
Or the silence left behind by a slam of the door,
With his parting words.

Sadness-

It isn't crying into your pillow at night,
Or the broken pieces of a family photo,
Shattered on the floor.

Pain is invisible.
Fear is amiable,
Sadness is insatiable.