I'm sorry I ever convinced you that I'm feeling happy

B l e e d
o           r
r            e
e           a
D o o m

L o v e
o
N o t e
e
R e a d

          S
       h   c
     i        r
   v  a  n  e
  e             a
r                m    

A n x i e t y
          g
          n
          o
          r
          e
   ­       d

h                t        
u                o
r                 r
t h o u g h t              
i                 u
n                r
g                e

I had my first dream last night that you weren't in.
not even a minor character,
your ****** name wasn't even in the credits,
let alone plastered across the sky in flashing lights
like you want it to be.
my first reality that you didn't belong in,
and it was the most blissful peace that I can remember since we bathed in pools of cloud.

I heard the first song that didn't make me think of you yesterday.
the lyrics, for once, were just lyrics,
not an embodiment of you and the things you do.
guess what?
it was coldplay.
you always hated coldplay.

this morning, I basked in the sun and didn't picture you coated in gold light beside me.
I didn't look at the leaves adorning the trees and picture your face laughing beneath it.

I didn't trace the plate lines of my palm and imagine the earthquake we used to create when yours collided with mine.

I didn't eat new food that I wanted you to try and I didn't want to share the smallest details of my day with you.

you may have won this poem, loverboy,
but don't be too triumphant.
your victory won't last long.
it's the era of my new beginnings without you and I'm going to be just fine.

I giggle,
I smile,
I laugh,
but inside I am broken.

I move,
I walk,
I run,
but inside I am frozen

I dream,
I hope
I believe,
but inside I am losing

I frisk,
I jump,
I bounce,
but inside I am falling

I go,
I find,
I open up,
but inside I am lost

I am,
I will,
I do,
but inside I am hiding

You are the moon
Dark and lonely
and looking for a friend
And I am the star
sitting right behind you
Praying for you to turn around

I wonder which is deeper
the universe or ur soul