I sit watching with a lifeless gaze I see only the thoughts that grip my mind all an effect of words said.
Not the words spoken out loud but the words stringed into answered questions. Questions I have yet to ask and will never ask.

I see visions of what if's and what will, I see images depicting years of the most likely outcome influence by years of observation. i see them fall in place like falling leafs from a tree. A tree whos roots grew from insecurities of being nothing more then a seed.

I see not love stories nor happy ever afters but that timeless story life has forever told, the story of Truth.
I see a play of the willful becoming those who lack the will.

I see the stage set with actors holding back their desires fighting their inhibitions till the clock ticks hitting that split-second.
STOP!
Release the lights!
QUIT THE ACT,
Let the water run and split  the bar on the gate that is life.

I see the mind of those so many who jump ship in this flood, simply to drown in their waters. their last breath a regret! As They sink in their sea of pain calling out no name only asking who do I blame?
The waves washing over with no sway as if to whisper but one name.

I watch the outcome of this play day after day reeping my mind like the sun seeks the shade. it's fear, fear of loss and Fear To Love, it's of failing and failing to try, all the hellos and goodbyes. it's the moments and memories of with and without, its my thoughts and my doubts, it's no life with. And its a life going out.

I move adrift,
Surrounded by Erebus,
living as one.
Subdued and silent as Nyx cradles me,
Slowly I Breath In their Aether,
I am home till Hemera take's me

Death take me for my body is molder

I could not anticipate the effects you had on me.
Illusions of self confidence, a
Falsehood of self esteem

You Had me going slowly down the road of no return.
Like sugar mixed with heat,
It still turns black when it is burnt.

We used to spend are nights chasing story's we could tell,
But stories turn to memory's of
Those we left unwell.

Even now I'm with you I think back on how we used to be.
The Infatuation's gone,
After years I need reprieve.

Left me as a shell,
Empty bottle of a man.
Can never hold another,
Can't stop thease shaking hands.

The tap is finally dry.
The doors locked, and closed.
Happy hours paced,
The bartenders gone home.

We are all that's left,
It's only you and me.
Just Another lonely man,
Whos first love, was 2 shots of misery.

I stand here as it watches me
I smile, it snares.
I wink, it glares.
I start to cry, it holds back tears.
I express my anger, it shows me its fear.
I ignore the demons, it says to them I'm over here.
We look so much alike
Same nose, and skin tone.
Same eyes with question of if's and why's
We are The same guy,
But I only see a stranger,
Maybe it's time for a new mirror?

I sit here with these thoughts
you are each and everyone.
Im infected by your influence,
the words rolling from your tongue.
You could take me or leave me.
From that I hope I can move on.
My path is crashed i'm on my back I don't think I can be that strong.
You finally drove me crazy.
I think my sanity has left.
You've been playing all these games
I'm just a piece in your set.
Got lions by the mane snow white,
look at all the creatures you have tamed.
A master of your craft,
Yet you can't recall there names.
If there ever was a second,
you had to be alone.
You would eat the red apple
so you could finally sleep alone.
Saved by the seven
Who you influence with your tongue.
Playing with there emotions
You laid rest to the happy one.
I heard you in his room,
you finally kissed the prince.
Had thoughts of dancing at the ball,
Living a story of romance.
Like growing old together.
How happy you could be.
You had every thing you wanted
Gained everything you need.
Note I wrote this in past tense
For It was nothing but a dream.
Broken and overcome
Now you know what I've been feeling.
Or are you simply numb?
Is your Heart even beating?
Did you not get your full,
From all the followers you've been misleading?
I hope you had your fun
Now Dot the I's
your stories done.
I'll sit here in my silence
Until I finally see the sun.
Your eyes where mirrors of my regrets.
Tho They have finally lost their shine.
It seems the years don't move past you.
You're all caught up with lost time.
Said you found your HAPPY ENDING,
I ask can you give me mine?
Cause no matter the day.
Thoughts of you still linger in my mind.
Ill have piece the day you read this,
caring enough to know I tried.
But if that day never comes.
Know I love you was was a lie.

I need a way to escape from this condition
I try to be an optimist,
every day I meet resistance
The Borderline declined
Greet The pessimist existence
They argue back and forth
Let the realist listen

I need a break from this mind state,
This Never ending debate.
Twenty-five years they've been arguing straight.
The black and white of my hemispheres
Are mixing their shade.
This battle back and forth has me blending to gray.
First, it was fun like playing a game.
Breaking down the meaning,
Finding lines between what they say.
I'd sit and listen for hours; I'd do this every day.
Now there's no new meaning, and I don't want to play!

On somber winds,

Flow's a distant moan.

The train yard rumbles,

And the engines grown.

I hear the workers call.

A Voice bellowed tone.

The words crisp.

Rings All aboard.

Steel clash!

Rails creak!

A symphony strong!

The engines reap!

The trains depart.

Follow winds decree.

The time has come.

For me to drift to sleep.

The waters shift.
The boat then sways.
Casting riffs,
On the waters stage.

Oars crash!
Disrupting the play.
The dance now dramatic,
A ballet of rage.

The boat tips,
Waves turn the page.
Darken the water.
The ****** is grave.

breath deep,
lungs give way.
This water's depth,
could not be gauged

A drop let falls,
From Oars now still.
It greets the water,
Letting ripples shrill.

sink to the bottom
Embracing waters fill.
A forgotten story,
Of the droplet spill

I could do this
I should try that!
Observe 
Learn
Then,
I contemplate
over complicate 
Collect my thoughts,
They congregate,
A few debate,
They're all at once
reverberate,
They're all at once 
Can't keep their pace
I Give up the chase
.............
Sorry, lost my place
.............
Or should I say,
My minds misplaced.
Can't gain no motivation 
Thoughts gone rotten,
growing from impatients
That's no exaggeration
Procrastination's forced its own invasion,
Imagination is overtaking 
Now I'm Just a shell of words,
Seeking some validation

We are prisoners of time, 
Running from one moment to the next,
Racing the strokes that create the seconds. 
Fleeing from our own creation.

Stop! Why won't you stop?
Your breathing is erratic!
Your shaking is visual!
Your eyes close and hold,
You seem hysterical.
Why are you acting like that!
Are you having a panic attack?
Can you not stay on track?
How much more can you take?
How much more sound can those headphones hold down before they break.
Do you think you're alone?
No voice in your voice mail,
Or tones from your phone.
Looking at that screen
Screaming, is anyone home!
watching your chest cave
Observing the delay
Counting
One in
Two out
Deep breath,
saying your ok.
Until A Few minutes pass
It comes back
Pulse starts to quicken
You start sinking in
Repeat the process again and again
The counts increased, your past ten
Thinking to yourself,
will I feel normal by the end.
I don't mean to call you out.
I'm saying this all as a friend
I don't want to see you go down that road again.
So Pick up the pen.
Write it all out
Its Your only way to vent
Only way to beat this drought
At the end of the day
All you can do is try
Did you even notice the voice saying this Was all in your mind

On days like this,
Where I find no bliss.
And Every shot
well aimed,
will miss.

Yes on days like this,
where I hear a call.
Beckoning me
To face the fall,
and greet this devil.
Residing
Outside
My walls.

This devil whom
Iv come to know,
Who's hands holds truth
and who's truth holds full.

Telling stories
I feel his words grab hold
Like shadows in the shade,
They fuse to my bone.

Laying awake in bed,
Back in my home
Still a chill in the air
Lingers his icy tone.

I know it's to late
To heed his call
For he resides in my mind.
In my walls so tall.

To the past memories that form a heart that's broken.

The one's reflecting on everything she used to be.

Sincerely good bye

and

Thank you for the cracks.

I will weep the day my words display,
the thoughts I truly wish to convey,
and on that day, ill meet dismay,
and hope to know the songs they play.
May I shed a tear from my eye's so dry
And forget the words so lost am I,
But it seems no matter how hard I try,
only a whisper escapes,
Forced With subtle pry.
Leaves only a psy to pass lips by.
so let my past play heavy,
and break my unconscious mind
singing only your victim,
are the ones who deserves to strive
and as their hearts do heal
I hope my name is lost
for what its worth ill pay in full
when I reach the river cross

Chill night grips the bones,
snow flakes fall finding their place on stones
A man walks past, lost and alone
Each stride takes a part from his hearts lost home
His eyes a glaze, coated hopes to atone.
Searched the meaning of his name
The results yield unknown.
Collapsed into himself
No marrow in his bones
He embraces the chill
Numb to the cold.
Like the snow flakes that fall
He's at home on these stones

This anger grows
It's weight unknown
I carry it on my back
Can the flooring hold?
I ration why
On my back you lie
Tho i'd gladly climb,
your top so high
And imbrace the fall,
Rather then imbrace the climb.

Got a troubled life and a troubled mind.
All my troubles have been delt then multiplied.
Growing from it become so redundant.
Getting older all I've learned is troubles reapply.

Does it make a foolish man wise, when he can influence the masses or are the masses simply foolish. The wise men speak only when the fool has cast influence. Is it not wiser to prevent such, rather then revoke it? Or do the wise not speak?

(the original)
i lay listening to the silence, letting my mind wonder through the echos of nothing. and in this surrounding silence i hear the overwhelming symphony that is emotion.

(the rewrite)
I lay listening to the silence,
letting my mind wonder through the echos of nothing.
In this surrounding silence of calm still something hums.
It comes and goes till at last it unfolds,
A symphony playing bold!

The crescendo grows.
A melody iv never known.
A whisper of what i need.
Growing like a seed greeted by the sun, its shell unbound and undone.

All its dreams still to come.
No despair only summers fun.
But be this nothing more
then the silent mans hum.

I've been laying awake for days
Think I'm fusing to this bed
I really should get up
But can't seem to lift my head
My thoughts are all thats moving
Paralyzed me to the core
Greeting all this apathy
Like family at the door
I used to give a ****
But I can't give a **** no more
Told me you were leaving
So I pushed you to the door

Tried to pop a bottle, Took some pills, Had a hit
No matter what I try
Since you left, I dont feel ****
i went to meet new people
Thought id try to reconnect
But every encounter that I had
Only reminded me of regrets

Bad and good may not exist
but morals still reflect
I've broken all of mine
What else do I have left
Im a walking, talking demon
Breathing fire with my words
Leaving scorch marks in my path
Watching all my bridges burn

So just Leave me to my prison
All this lack luster I have earned
I'll lay lonely in this bed
An just let the mattress burn
I won't try to get up
Wont wish away the heat
Im just a pheonix born in fire
Leaving ashes in thease sheets
But before I light that match
To ignite that side of me
I will lay here in the dark
Just to try an get some sleep

If you see
I'm far away,

With a mind lost
In time and space,

be aware
i set this pace,

Just give me space
I just need some space.

Please don't say to me,

"it's OK, there's plenty of fish in the sea"
cause i cant deflect what she meant to me
if we are fish then shes a rare breed.

So let me be
Please let me be

Am I as I once was?

A simple boy who chased true love.

Greeting all who passed me by, with a courteous smile or hello, goodbye.

I think of those who have come my way, the ones for a time who chose to stay.

I'm reminded how my heart would beat, then echo its silence, when they flee. 
A lonely melody in the space between

I now wonder who I would have been, if that first beat I did not give.

Would I still be a simple man,
Or remain this shell for a hollow sound?

Disregard

I sit here in indulgence
Consuming every and anything
I smoke and drink,
With no care of the outcome.
I let impulse lead me.
My Only care is if I will burn in the flames Of the fires I set.
So Let my demise be time and let each second pass by, or better yet fly.
I'm not so weak as to take the short cut.
Ill still push through each Rutt with no **** to give.
I can take a pill and let go for a bit, then when the mood flips,
That hit gets followed by a sip,
I will say all is done, it was fun,
Lay in my solitude of who I have become, and find peace in knowing Im forever numb.

Influence

I see the world
I see all the people lost in the ****.
Consumed by the day to day facade.
Working day to day for a number on a screen.
Just so they can get a bigger screen,
hoping it will reflect the size of that number.
I see The word media
Its thunder,
with no real choice left for a real dreamer to wonder
Let the past be a trace of are hast
A quickend pase of "that's good enough mind state"
We all relate but do nothing
Market peace and love like it still means something,
But watch reality tv as if it's truth of what we will be,
We slowly form a belief
That what we see is really reality

Ending

I wait for my time to stop or for the clock to drop
Going day to day with little joy saying I'm ok
I'm not.
I'm in and out like water drops from a spout.
Find breaks in a day dream,
but reality would rather keep the light out.
So lock me in my house and let the days go bye,
I'll stay locked inside like I do on the outside.
Not literally but I'm a prisoner of my mind.
I'd move the face on the clock,
If it meant I could move times stride,
weeks, months, years from summer to snow.
Ill sit and listen as the clock ticks grow,
Ill grow old and help my body grow too.
So give me a pill, a drink, a dare, or stare I don't care I'll do any thing I have too,
I welcome letting go.
In this place and time iv realized all I have been doing is just waiting,
Waiting to die

This anger grows
It's weight unknown
Growing mountain peaks
To Breach clouds turned cold.

I carry it on my back,
Beg my legs to hold.
Brace for another step,
Fear the cobbled stone.

Yet I can't surmise,
How such a mountain rise
Grew from the tip a pick
Inflicted by daily sky

So In my strife
I place a pebble by
To trace my steps
Once mountains lie.

I'll greet the sky,
As a passer by.

Sadness is nothing more,
Then memories of feelings we miss/ed.

I am pretty good at taking things apart and putting them back together,
except when it comes to my own heart,
I seem to have Miss placed the pieces.