I don't know a lot of things
But,
I do know Life is good and serious.

So this morning I woke to the touch of a morning sun, softly teasing my eyes apart. I found the smile I thought I had missed. The first thing that came into my mind was the word 'grateful'. I am very grateful for my amazing family and friends and my wonderful cozy home. I’m also consistently thankful for the little things in life that remind me just how lucky I am. But at this moment, at this point, I just want to jot down everything that makes me feel thankful for having a powerful and strongest boyfriend in my life. You had no idea how this feeling blessed for the millionth time.

When I describe the perfect boyfriend I could have, I think of one I already had. Actually, to me perfectness in my eyes does exist. What I call perfect is my boyfriend Hedzmy. The first thing I noticed was his long wavy jet black hair and I was hooked (well not literally hooked at that time) because he wasn't my taste after all (maybe it's because of he is so Melayuish a.k.a typical malay guy). I'm constantly impressed with the ones who speaks very well in English. But, that was before. The longer I get to know him, the more I began to get bonded...and then I fell deeply in love with him. I don't even know how that happened.

Hedzmy is such an amazing guy, not that tall, smart, sensitive, he got the cutest smile, has a pair of beautiful very-dark brown eyes and a very unique hairstyle. He is the sweetest person you could ever meet. He wears nice clothing, he loves to dress preppy on some special occasions or either any day at times. An example of wearing preppy clothing will be a nice casual long sleeves shirt, nice printed T, slanted skinny pants, and nice high top Converse shoes. His favorite color is red, he loves good food and a good passion in photography. He plays guitar, eventhough it wasn't that good, but I just love watching him play and sing. Yet, you had no idea how much I love his voice.

I’ve been together with my boyfriend for 1 year. Hedzmy has been such a wonderful person to me. He has been there for me, cared for me and loved me like no one else ever had. Every time I’m not in a great mood, he always finds a way for me to smile and laugh and forget about the bad things. He has even got me going forward to a good path so I can make my dreams come true and so I can be the happiest person alive. But I’m happy as long as he is with me and is there for me. I may ******* things up a lot throughout our relationship, but it just happened and I didn't mean to hurt his feelings as well. I love my boyfriend so much and it scares me when I realized that for the first time in my entire life, I was really falling in love. Falling in love for who he is. He's amazing. Eventhough there were times I recalls when he tweeted about how he wish he could turn back time to save his previous relationship and so on, (that was like after we've been together for almost half of months), well it really breaks my heart. Imagine how someone sees you for the first time and telling you how much they want you to be with them but the fact is they still can't let go of the past? Painful isn't it? So I began to seek for attention by making a lot of friends with boys but none of them attracts me. It is because, I love my boyfriend. I just want to be with him. I have the guts to take him to see my parents. How I love seeing him tested by my mom to see if he could tolerate her.

Sometimes, in the beginning, and even still today, I’ll become untrusting and difficult, attacking out of nowhere. The naive trust that I had so long ago got used up and beaten up by the wrong person. But unlike that wrong person, when he used to attack for no reason, chase protects everything.

I had no goal in my life but to make him happy. I was in fear of loosing him, loosing this companionship between us. Loosing something I have placed so much effort into. Thus I had no confidence to speak up for 1 year, there was no sense of belonging, passion or safety. Just me thinking this is the best thing that had ever happened me, I won't be able to find anyone else and I didn't want to loose it, so I would do what ever it takes to protect it.

Many people say perfectness is nowhere to be found but in my world there is. Hedzmy is perfect, no matter of fact he is beyond perfect. He doesn’t see the perfect and amazing part in him but I do. Now, what makes me happy is his English is improving! And I am so glad I could help him bits by bits. Sometimes the little things in life mean the most, right?

Happy 1st Anniversary Sayang,
           I love you to the moon and back! **

I was afraid to walk down the street,
There was once,
Thither is a deep hole in the pavement.

I fall,
I come in.
I am a hopeless case.

My animation was a frantic running from silence.
Quietness is the surest sign
that I've died,
About tomorrow nothing is known.

When we were young,
I am glad you snatched my toys.
Now,
I am glad I could inherit your fashionable wardrobe.
Through good, bad
happy and sad
You are the best friend
I never had

Happy Birthday Kakak.

I feared the future until
I realized that life just kept getting better.

I revered the past until I understood
That it could no longer hurt me.

But then again I asked myself,
Who was truly there for me?

Yearning for some order I notice patterns in the pavement
Racing lines, creating ties, crossing T's and dotting I's
Grainy memories collide with one another as I wonder
Pondering the source of my observant sense leaving life in sunder
Beautifully benign to me, remembering the sea of colour.
Yellow, red, green, purple, blue.
Colorful of wonderful sarees
the cornfields are bright and yellow
ripe with laughter
the little Indian dancers
done up in feathers
create a new world
all in my eyes.

I feel sorry for myself.
I am lost, still in search of me.
You claim love but how can I find,
The truth behind these words, I have tried.

Maybe I am in love with the night.
I love night talks, night walks and nightly silence.
But most of all I love night thoughts
Thoughts full of sincery
In the morning there is no sign of the man
who became friends with the darkness.

You promised to love me,
And forever we would be.
I fell for your lustful lies.
And I'm still stuck missing you.
I drink to numb the pain,
Of falling victim to your game.

You're a pathetic *******,
I'm starting to feel less and less.
I know it must be hard putting up with me
Because the truth,
You never love me.

And, *******.

Sincerely,
Your Psychotic ***** Girlfriend.

xoxo

Lots of pain,
Leaving scars that will endure long after the infliction.

When you can't sleep at night,
Because when you conclude your eyes,
They are standing there to remind you
That you are alone.

Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them.

I have these ghosts haunting the corridors of my mind,
Leading the way through lingering thoughts of you,
I cannot seem to resent or spew hatred,
It's a battle creating a wider gap.

You're the sweetest
I'm the luckiest.
It's a funny story of how we met
But you get me in a way that no one else gets.
We happened so quickly
And I'm still in awe of us.
You’ll live on forever in my poetry
And so will my love.

There you go.
You and your cheating hearts.
Wandering lips.
Flirting eyes.
And left me with a broken hopes.

Everything I do is pointless.
I feel completely
worthless, lonely, unloved.

I want to be loved, your love is smothering.
I need a man, you’re just a boy.
I want to find my soulmate, you can’t figure out what you want.

Lately I’ve been feeling
Like my worries are sky high
I’ve tried to conquer mysteries
I’ve tried hard not to die
Once blinded by the brightness
Yet when all I see is black
Screaming
Frantically
Searching..
Trying to find my way back.
I still carry on
It’s filled with love yet hypocricy
And ruled with mediocrity

Knowing you almost a year.

You had no idea that
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new.
I'd give all I have to say, just for you to stay.

I hate you,
You made me miss you too much.

Eventhough most of the time you are a sick, twisted and pathetic,
Out of billion guy in this world I still find you…
Amazing.

When a drop of water fell from the engorging sky,
it dropped thousands of miles beneath.
A devious bequeath that upheld the tantrum,
the sky soared with anger until its utter collapse.
How I long for this pain to leave akin the December sky,
this imminent glory was only dreamed about in disguis.

I lost you somewhere,
Our perfect puzzle
Broke piece by piece.
I've tried to get every pieces back,
But it just don't fit together anymore
So here I am,
No one left
As loneliness weighs heavy on my chest.

I swear the mountains were purple that day.
Endless land that ever goes,
From dawn way out to dusk.
The mists are shifting, ever drifting,
Hiding everything,
Except the mountain tops.
What’s in the mist?
What is so deep?

Madness...

I wonder,
do you close your eyes to kiss me
so you can imagine her?