it's early; 7:17
first things first
I push open the window
the morning soaks my sweater
my skin quickly drenches in its chill
I think of you
the flowers are blooming and resting on the window screen
alongside a large mosquito
I ignore her & she ignores me
I make coffee
inhaling a breeze created for me
it is easy clinging to these things
a lot like leaves do their trees
& much like them
I fall slow
but it's spring now & the birds are sipping and singing
that Raven with her suddenly, loud solo
against a white canvas
painting the only image that exists during these
isolated seconds
& I thought of you
it sounds sweet sometimes
it even tastes as such
but much easier is it, t y p e d  o u t
*t h a n  d o n e

I wonder
how many words
have sat on the tip
of your tongue,
waiting to take the plunge
into the world outside,
but have held back
in fear of the fall-

and I wonder
how different your life would be
had those words been set free.

I'm not good with words
they always come out wrong
but I'll write you a poem
because you keep me supported like my unswept floorboards
you have that wonderful smell of old ***** books
I want us to get together like cars merging into one lane of traffic
You're prettier than a third grader's sloppy cursive
You have a shine kinda like how people shine after sweating in the heat
you're more attractive than an icecream truck to suburban little kids
Your eyes are greener than lettuce
and your voice is more captivating than ****** pop music on the radio

Here's your poem
I told you I'm no good with words so yeah I'm not sure how to end this

everything echoes mother.

the paranoia.
the ****** abuse
the tears
the screaming
the threats
the self-hatred
the abandonment.

do i understand her more now that i am her?
the only thing i understand is that i
like her
am weak
her actions no more justifiable than before
but her state of mind
the frantic chase of terrified, irrational thoughts littering her brain
i now understand
and feel
the
fear

I highly dislike the word love but not the concept
Because hearing others say I love you makes me feel inept
And when some one doesn't say it back it feels like a theft
and after the echo fades what's left?
Was saying it right?
It should be seen not heard since it shines so bright
or felt like a wave of the ocean
since it's just as strong
as any stupid l word song
Stronger actually
At least eventually
since over time it grows
and rollercoasters through highs and lows
While the word stays the same.
Who's to blame?
Whatever self proclaimed linguist smithed the word should be stripped of his name
because it's some thing you feel not some thing you hear
and saying it produces more fear
So just show me my dear.

I could equate the stars to you
but that wouldn't be accurate
The stars are millions of miles away
and you're right here
and I prefer it that way

the stars go down at night
but you're still there in the morning

well, they never leave
but some times I can't see them
like your heart
I can't see it
but I know it's there
beating
doing its job

but the thing you and the stars have in common
natural beauty
and
pure wonder

They said it was A PUSH
I said this **** is APES
Bananas

Do they know what this system does?
It's all just stress
So they can assess
What you've learned
Meanwhile, they've only turned
A generation into stressed out perfectionists
Or students dropped out, burned out
So many notes, assignments, & essays to write
It's all lead to carpal tunnel in the wrist
Why does this system exist?

Instead make students hunger for knowledge
Instead of stressing out about college
Somewhere over the hedge
The rainbow
Where the grass is greener
I picture students happier and keener
With the love of learning being what we live for.

It was the opposite of romance
when we did the two person dance without pants
We said **** it and took a chance
You know what they say, when in France...
In Rome, whatever
when you seduced me it was clever
Now I wish I could flip it like a lever
instead of live with it forever
Cause the next time we see each other will be never
Call it a one night stand
but it left me feeling the opposite of grand
cause now life is boring and bland
With all the pieces falling like sand
and nothing has balance
I can't believe I took this stance
I must have been in a trance
It was the opposite of romance...

I'm just a ghost with no home
No belongings besides my comb
Too bad ghosts don't have hair
I'm not even a big scare
I don't know where to haunt
I have no mansion to flaunt
I just float around
My body in the ground
I'm the only ghost in town
I can't even make some one frown
No mouth to eat
I'm just a floating sheet
I can pass through walls
And go through bathroom stalls
But it's all to no use
I should have never tied that noose
Man I miss my friends
And even the lame trends
They used to be sad
Back when I was a small dead lad
But then those feelings passed
And maggots amassed
I wish I could become a fly
Because I had to die

No house
No belongings besides a blouse
If I had mass it'd be made of regret
But I sleep in the rain and can't get wet
I sit in the coffee shop
And some times in IHOP
No need for a job
I can't even use a doorknob
I just strum a ghost guitar
And hope you get hit by a car
So then you could be a ghost
And my loneliness would be toast
And you can add the butter
And make my nonexistent heart flutter
I hate life support
And anything of the sort
Keeps people from dying
While I'm just trying
To get some help
So I don't have to yelp
And best friends means forever
But that's a rope I'd have to sever
Or just let it fray
Because I'd rather you never pass away