Labels composed by us compose us
Disturbing to my fear of limitations
Diminishing the eternity inside my
Mind my endless potential to outgrow
The setting and expectations
They are soothing to another
Who wishes for their containment
To predict the chaos outside his grip
Not simply words they are
But identity itself outlined with sharp
Rigid self-disposing line
Mother Teresa stripping off layers of church
Walks around buck naked making love to strangers
Why shan't mother Mary embrace Magdalena in her?
Psychopath laughing at himself
Accidentally picking up the wave from
Judgmental stranger yet caring enough to be
Honest, was that calculated or the way it
Seemed - instinctive
Suggesting the mirror inside him was not entirely broken
Uncovering the bud of empathy?
****** strive for connection
Cutting through the edge of one-sidedness?

Chinese say cursed is that glowing up in times of change

Childhood: sunny, monotonous, always limited
But predictable and warm
With a face of our sacred syphilitic
Soon to be desposed.  
Gramps the ****** he was, enjpying the forms of his son's whife
Shame wasn't his thing, neither was it my dad's
So he blinked, joked and turned
The other way
Grandma the saintly creature always a leader always so moral
When she read her bible, gave me sour aftertaste
To last through the years. Gossiper lady could start a war
Raising me an enemy to my own father. Why? I still don't know.
Uncle: the beautiful and charming creature of the void
Pleading begging blinking with long eyelashes
For treatment with what he was supposed to be treated against
Those beautiful gator tears...
Later - school, idiotic teachers,
Peers proud of crawling, the lowest wins!
Disillusionment started to sink in.
Are you still thinking? Weird!
No hopes, no dreams, no identity
No culture, no history
All thrown out the window
Music, values, inspiration and the rest
Revolution mades like to clear out space for the new beginnings
Starting from the point zero. Could have been neanderthals.
Slaves couldn't fix themselves some freedom
They only saw in movies.
They went with the flow -
papa government will feed, treat and raise
cattle that we were.
Are you questioning still?  Get in the line!
Looked up to crime and punishment
To learn my true heritage
All made sense, especially the urge to flea.
Could not breathe the airless any longer
Felt frog growing in my chest
******* out aspirations and infusing fears
Learned helpless buddied up to crows
And abandoned buildings.
And a joint on the edge of the roof was one thing
To make me feel alive.
Almost married one day then awoke
With a startle packed bags
Five hundred bucks in my sock
And away I flew.
To learn you never gain without a loss

Is there an owner on this ghost house?
Little creatures creeping from every corner
Scared and scary but mostly frightened
By the very fact of their existence
Speaking screaming interrupting never
Listening to each other's story
Never fully in agreement loosing track of perspective
Mistrustful of trust and disgusted by care...
Such is a mind of a once broken child
Can we put him back in his cot?
Can we look into his wide open eyes and believe
His is the truth of suffering and search for lost hope?
Should we ask the child knowing he knows not the answer?
Wouldn't we confuse him furthermore
Seeking answers drained from his broken core?
If only the child returned to the haunted house
If only he found his courage
Maybe he would make sense
Of all this mess.
We'll just sit here and watch

It wasn't voices of bodiless spirits
Whispering sonnets of cruel advice
But a strange power of knowing
Like all things she discovered before
Unexplainable feelings
That led her like the tool she was
To the source of light and pain
Where destiny resided
Intuition that never faltered
That dawned and never left
This time senseless
Defying nature
Miracle of a different kind
Without proof or purpose
Simply feeling to stay around
Burdensome hurtful possessive.
Mind insisted to follow logic
Pride begged to save time
Her dreams getting stuck in line
Yet every emotion screams
With voice of awesome realization.
She lifted her head up
Yelling at the stars through
The dark ceiling
"Please make sense!
Enough ******* already"
Yet it quietly smiled, stayed
And grew and endured
And who is she to know
But an ant in the chain
Of universal purpose.

Oh you dear random current
Flying curses in all directions
Unable to contain the positive
For longer than a few blinks of an eye
Mint tea with honey - it's soothing my moment
May I suggest you join
In this pointlessly pleasant ceremony?
Nothing is dying
No one is betraying
No One is all righteous...
Except of cause Yoda...
Mind is flying in random directions
Away from the here and now
I'll give you a harness for Christmas
...After I find my own)
Insanity is the death of me
The death I kissed in her mouth
Before I learned the lesson of breath
Then she slowly let go
But always in the back of my mind as
Unanswered question of overly emotional
And internally preoccupied
Possessed by feelings of others
I feel but do not KNOW
Something like this could drive you mad
In no time
Unless you find a way to use it.
And when you can't
Well then - goodbye sanity
I hope I'll see you again

Put your memory on the shelf
Let it air for a little while.
Sitting where you are erase your mind
Only for a second to feel the breath
The scent in the air
Can you sense the spring?
Rejuvenation of nature
The little spring flower
Budding, raising head from underneath the earth
Somewhere on the other side of a planet
A cat is licking her newborn baby's back
Elsewhere a waterfall creates a rainbow in the air
A child playing with stones in a desert
Smiling in awe of his imagination
Someone is giving a hand to the old age's weakness
Feeling fulfilled by the act of kindness
And connection
A comet passing by leaving a spectacular mark
Then fading away
A fish surviving teeth of a predator
The sweet scent of rain
Warmth of mother's breast touched by little fingers
That haven't learned the meaning of separation...
The air of life entering your being starting
At the tip of your nose
Embracing you from the inside
Filling you entirely
Your every cell nourished
With the same air breathed by millions,
Young and old, trees and beasts
Careless and dull
Brave and hopeful.
Your essence is not separate from
All of them
Living under the same sun
Fearing the same fate
Wishing to hold hands
With those who understand

The very essence of us sprouted from
"I trust you with my life"

Unity beating in unison
Feeling seeps under the skin
The smell of comfort like milk and cookies
Behind his ear inhaling his air swallowing his taste
The look in my lovers eyes extends into his touch it's in his voice
No gates unopen I let in the flow
The wholesome oneness only deeper
Than heartfelt hug or beating of his heart
No limits all is joy and all is good
Caress of need to feel the heat
Of senses he contains
His self is part of mine in moments of
Cosmic ecstasy overflowing warmth
Powerful pull evokes no hesitation
Melting beyond my boundaries
No fantasy could ever replace
Our unity

Going through thin sheets of todays
flipping pages - skip the guidelines
get straight to pictures like BOOM
quick gratification, emotion into your face
temples throbbing flashed
then soothing wave of indifference
press on the flash button,
drain the feeling aching
with absence but proud of it still.
Get your cold cereal in the morning
Follow up with sorrowful
Fate into oblivion
I'll pray for the bright grain
Of potential that once inspired me.

I threw the pills out today,
let them fly out the window
Will be greeting my anxious sister
With her eyes spinning out of context
In a few, but hoping she'll bring
her driven girlfriend along
I need to play with these passions
Can't spend another day in this swamp
Of passive submission
Gonna dance on the imaginary grave
Of my peace
Let the hell spin with heaven,
Nothing in between merging
At the edge of feeling
Too insane for the in-betweens.

Hey there boy, I have a message
Mommy sent the dove to deliver...
Said you were alone lately
Conquerer of the world, silly
Playing your games to forget
Do you?
Come let's bathe you in sacred waters
Permiate with sunlight
Your painful nature
Darkness always was and always will be
Like you shall always remain a human.
Come put your sorrows upon my lap
Let me stroke your fear
Hidden behind your ear
Your weary eyes your childlike smile...

The terror crutch is broken
Lend me your hand
I hope to see you walk.
Let's make the first step
I won't let go.

Demons under your pillow
Born yesterday they mustn't stay
Today is new to touch the fate
With faithfulness.

Sleep deeply darling,
Mommy won't leave
I will quietly stay by your side.

So many doubts, sorry dear
You trigger my angry uncertainty
I want to hang your questions out to dry in sunlight.
Soaked in paranoia let it drip drip on the grass
Apologize for overlooking the masculine perspective
It's so tangled up with the rest of them I forget to remember.
The heat? To hell with it
Throw it down the cliff let it fly
Down like a human man would
The one born to contain his urges
Angry at your utilitarian role
You hope for it to stabilize your instability
Oh dear the paranoia is my sister too
I know it oh so well when drowning in my sleepless fears
I dare challenge you, come on be brave
Live on for soles you borrowed
Don't fear the heat the gift of earthly energy
Stream right into creation of a different kind
Stop throwing doubts in my direction
They're tiring, I'd much prefer
Your honest questions.

There is darkness and death in your eyes
What have you got buried inside
The shallow grave in your soul
The ghosts there have taken control
You really should have dug a little deeper there
Body parts are starting to appear and scare
The child inside away

Each tear that flows down your face
Trickles then picks up the pace
And turns to a river inside
A river that will not subside
I can hear that dreadful overflowing sound
And watching from afar I see a child is drowned
The child inside your heart

I can see you drifting away
Heading for the light
I can see you drifting away
Every night

Why were you always inside
On days when the weather was fine
And while we were running around
You were nowhere to be found
You know you should have taken all your dolls to bed
But you were made to play games with your soul instead
The child inside you died

The winds in this cosmic land so turbulent,
They blow hard feet off the ground head spinning,
Then before you relax they change direction
Drastically always, but with improved clarity of vision
At least I can see a few minutes ahead.
Why helps accept the What
And I am in it, I fly with lost birds
Insects, bits of dried flowers, teeth and shredded notes
No smoking caterpillars to give advice
No red queens to punish and control
No rabbit to fear the ending of time
Only whispers of the Hatter
Living in both of us seeking
Uncertainty of growing into magical mystery
Called your soul. I see it, saw it in your humble accidental smile,
And we will meet again when mirrors dissipate.
My brother, sister, alter ego, strange encounter
I wish you well and you can count on that.

Insatiable is your hunger
Salivating you stare down into the void
What could fill this astronomical gap
Between the parts begging to fall apart?
Alone oh so alone
Not even self is there for yourself
So lost so eager so confused
So needy of a sweet lie not even you believe
You've learned to cover vulnerable with dangerous
And drowned yourself in it
Never even saw your whole reflection
From above
Before it fell apart.
Tell me oh suffering
How many times you dreamed of faith?
No wait, don't answer
You ware it on your sleeve
You stick to disillusioned
Too painful to get up
Chose dirt for name you're wishing to forget
Why it became your shelter
I see you
That was all I wanted you to know
I see you all and won't deny your downfall
I won't betray the truth
Screaming behind your pupils
I'd smile to the child you lost within
When you're ready to let go of other

My sexuality to your fear of ambiguity
Like hot oil on the wound
I know you missed the lesson of distinction
Between myself and safety of your fragile spirit
The difference is that
My body and my *** are parts of my own being
I wasn't born to satisfy
To be a target or a prize makes me wild
With rage
So do release that awkward tension
I am to be me and to enjoy this life with all my senses
The way I do when not submerged in shadow
The warmth of closeness, the movement's feel, the rhythm of breath, the softness of my lover's skin,
Forgetting the limits of myself, merging with cosmos through his touch.
Do rest assured your physique  doesn't strike my fansy
I am repulsed at the idea
Hardly **** to push those ugly triggers

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so small
The legs beneath me weakened
And I began to crawl
Confused and contented
I slithered around
With feelings beyond me
I was lost, I was found

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so weak
I felt my tongue move in my mouth
And I began to speak
A strange kind of language
I don't understand
A babbling fountain
I couldn't have planned

Oh leave me here forevermore
I've found the peace I've been searching for

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so high
I swear I could have reached up
Placed my hands upon the sky
A radiant rainbow was following me around
With elevated senses I could see and taste sound

The angel of love was upon me
And Lord I felt so clean
Like a preacher on Sunday
My heart was serene
I waded into the water
I was bathed, I was drowned
Like all sinners before me
I knelt down on the ground

Oh leave me here forevermore
I've found the peace I've been searching for
Oh let me sleep forevermore
I've found the peace I've been searching for

Old man soaked in his *****
Dripping down his pants
Down the flight of stairs
His stare blurry
Past the point of no return, past his dignity
Drowned humanity
Went down with his only little
baby girl now a mother
Not any more
Slain by the hand of her children's father...
I played with them
She was kind and pretty
He was a brute
Shallow and dangerous...

I never saw them again
Kids stayed with the dad
Old man needed his space to fall apart
Police didn't play the part
I am still sick only thinking about
What life some people have to face

You're asking why the comfort doesn't
Keep away the angst?
They're still with me
Memories of all the broken people
I had a chance to meet
They never fade
That memory composed my purpose
Without it I don't exist at all

Well well well sailor
Tucked the gun back into your pants
Panting all overcome
With obsessive you don't know what
Here I am the future mermaid
Isn't it where the drowned go if heaven spits them out?
Don't know if they'd accept.
Cheers to you frightened
Never a complete silence in the open sea
Sing yourself a song of solitude
Next time you wish to put me back in place
Where you belong
With your fear of stupidity.
Or maybe... Maybe I won't leave
Yes, I probably won't
I tried once or twice before.
Alter ego is not for me to choose
My doppelgänger gangsta crazy beach.
So please, if you decide to have a snack
Out of my good intentions
May I suggest pickling?
So it may last you through lifetime
Of self imposed misery.
Add lemon so it's not too fishy
And salt generously with your f...ng tears

Oh dear
Look who's is back
No, no, dear how could I forget?
Neither did the corners of my lips
Its you again,
The underbelly of a stray dog
Basking in its lonesome spite
Or was it spit...
Say hi to muse when she floats by
I know she was a rare visitor
On your mission to please the average
Probably looking for your lost authenticity
But hey,
There's always room for growth
Until you're hundred

Your broken bits are sharp
I don't deny
I've seen that righteous hatred
Before
I grew amongst it too
Smelled the stench of hopeless
But hey, you chose direction
Like you did today

I'm sure it's a relief
Rubbing the gritty corner of your nasty blanket
The memory you oh so faithfully obey
Good boy you are!
That's right
Daddy knows better.

Oh poor you
Hard not to be disgusted  
Who doesn't trust cannot be trusted

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp

When my eyes were stabbed
By the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening

People writing songs
That voices never share
And no one dare
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools, " said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
And the words that it was forming

And the sign said,
"The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls."
And whispered in the sound of silence

Silencio
Words turn meaningless
Swallowed by stillness
In this dark place hidden from life
Where responsibility doesn't reign
Creativity fell asleep
Not dancing
Ankles shackled down to the floor
When did emptiness become so heavy?
Give me a rhythm piper
Spin me alive
Storm my senses
Shake up this bottled up feeling
Make this darkness explode with
Constellations

For now I will continue on my fours

What does your silence taste like?
If distance was a melody how would it sound?
Do you also wish to unlock the doors inside your own mind
And release yourself from that airless prison?

If I told you my mind feels empty
And words lost their meaning
Would you relate?
Would you ask me a trivial question?
Only to break the wall

Like air to suffocation water to a spark and mountain peak to the ocean's depths
Darkness would cease its grip not held by light to its meaning  
Like black and white polarities attract exchanged each other's eyes to bind into inseparable vision
Ancient circle the sign of creation
Unity of two without another only abundance of insufficient, lifeless
Fatally boring
The truth is in between where opposites attract, combust, produce, transcend
Fragile and imperfect HUMANITY
Oh so real, so full of feeling, so alive and vital
Covered with sweat, tears and blood
Smiling to the chirping of a bird
Hopeful until the last exhale
Evil and compassion, two tails spinning around each other
A road going uphill goes down all the same
Oh how terribly disorienting this existence without absolutes
This reality outside boundaries
So yin invites the yang for lifetime's waltz
And cocktail of blue skies' joy and broken sorrow
They drink on Bruderschaft
And scream ALIVE

XXXIII.
There was the Door to which I found no Key:
There was the Veil through which I could not see:
Some little talk awhile of Me and Thee
There was - and then no more of Thee and Me.