There is no being
That can make my stomach turn
Or make my eyes burn
More than he.

                                         On cloudy days
                                     I yearn for the sun
                              To kiss my frozen skin
                          He left my heart chilled.

I often think of our past
No matter how painful
And I still cannot believe
I allowed you to treat me that way.

                                            I was so weak
    Accepting demons that weren't mine
       But how could I stick up for myself
          When I didn't know how to love?

How was I to know
That self acceptance gives
Overwhelming confidence
To the broken?

                     I do not regret my mistakes
       I could not question my judgement
       Thanks to you, I learned my lesson
                                 And I'm better for it.

What is it about me that makes me so undesirable?
Is it the way I laugh,
The way I cry?
The way I often pray to die?
Is it how often I break down,
How often I need to be picked back up?
Is it the way I tell myself I'm okay,
Then rejection is a smack in the face
Tainting my beauty and (lack of) grace
Until I decide to leave without a trace?
Or is it my horrible need for sympathy
The way you tend to always look at me
And shake your head and roll your eyes
The very things that I despise?
Then again, I love to think
I wouldn't be the last chosen on earth
And that there's are girls that could be worse
But this doesn't matter.
It will never come down to a pick and choose
I'll never get the chance to win or lose
I've already lost.
But at what cost?
I've renounced confidence altogether
And I've taught myself to know better
But I never do.
I never learn.

So I sit back
And I allow myself to think
I'll never be loved
I'll never be loved.

Tables turn as often as I
Spinning indefinitely in time
As I'm a concept of what once was
Lost my mind and turned to dust.
And though I can't stand paper cuts
And grow nauseous at the thought of nuts
And tend to be a bit of a klutz
I'm one to be sought after.
Mysterious and Devine
With eyes as red as wine
And pearly whites that shine
If only you could see.
Because none of this is real
Because only time can heal
And if only criminals steal,
I may be one.
I have taken many hearts
And locked them in a chest
Or displayed them in jars
Baby I'm senile.
I cannot take away the past
I cannot make the summers last
But if I can do only one thing,
I can get you falling for me VERY fast.

A small storm is not enough
To upset a nation
But while others go about their lives
I've been uprooted.
A twister, destroying all in its path
Made of horrid mistakes and promises
Swept over my small world
And demolished it.
While others, free from grief
Sent only meaningless prayers,
I eagerly awaited a kind spirit
That was never to arrive.
So here I sit, on this solitary stump,
Wishing for it all to be over
But the weatherman said there's a big storm coming
In mid to late October.

As a young girl, I paid attention
I knew what happened behind closed doors
It was horrid.
I recall nights of sickness
Inhaling your mistakes into my tiny lungs
And kids didn't want to sit with me at snack time
Because I reeked of regret.
And now, years later
When you found my bag of ***
How could you be surprised?
How could you be shocked
That your daughter, now sixteen
Picked up the same habits you practiced
Her entire life?
Because that burning feeling in my throat
Mixed with cool fall air and sadness
Was my ultimate high.
Because this was easier than dragging a sharp blade
Across my arm to bring some sort of
Non-existent relief.
It was better to escape to somewhere else
Where my problems were small
And I was free.
And when you asked me where I got it
How could you be even the tiniest bit surprised
When you heard that my answer was,
"From your stash"?

Her weary eyes, skin torn at the cuticle
Feet aching yet marching still
Cotton on the heir’s back
Canvas on the feet of the dutchess
Triple the hours, double the dough

His crimson cheeks, toes purple with pride
Not a single tear, nor a single fear
No fuel for his ego
No warmth for his heart
Just a lonely street corner

Their tear-stained dress, his voice, her choice
Deep in their skin do they confess
If God was real, he'd want perfect
God wouldn't make them a sin
A “he” or “she” is not needed

The silent voice of forgotten
Too afraid to speak, startled still
Too afraid to be saved
Gone but never forgotten
A son or daughter, broken

A wedding, thank this “God”
Where men can act as such
And women use their powder
But genders may stay pure
It is a sin, after all

A young girl watching the news
Filled with hate, this world turns
She is coming of age, is she not?
She understands their struggle
And ready she is to stand up

For she has kids to feed
For he just needs a meal
For they want to be real
For they were never heard
For they wed their own
She understands. She accepts.

She is ready.