This is never how I planned to spend my youth
Locked in my own fears and shackled to your dirt
Forced to live in (y)our constant mess
Afraid is judgement, yes, but fearing death by your breath
And shaking in your bones and your pine
I twist and turn my aching spine just to catch a glimpse
A glimpse of life outside of these walls a life filled with laughs and falls
But the happiness made up for the scrapes and bruises
While all I had was broken promises
Lost without a will to live I slowly climbed
Reaching higher heights than I've ever seen
I escaped your grasp to land on my feet
And though I'm certainly lonely I'm most certainly not alone
And even though I don't have a being beside me
And I don't have someone to think of before I go to sleep
I now dream of better things.

Things much bigger than you've ever seen.

You filled my heart with hatred at a time when all I wanted was a smile

You delivered sermons preaching love while behind your back was a knife

You planted a seed of trust but neglected it's roots and let it shrivel

I thought you composed such beautiful music until it was revealed as plagiarism and I used to hum along to your promises and now they haunt me still

You've ruined things I once loved and tore down homes I built with my bare hands, my blood and sweat soaked into the boards only to be lifted by your fire

You've ruined my sense of trust, the one thing I actually possessed that meant something, the one thing that gave me hope in this cold dark world

And you do not care.

And you never did.

And you never will.

And I never want you to.

Thank you, ex-lover
For teaching me my true worth.
For showing that you cannot love
Based on a smile.
And thank you, *******
For teaching me to stick up for myself.
Because if it wasn't for your insults
I'd be defenseless.
Thank you, ex-lover
For cheating on me.
By doing so, you gave me a chance
To leave.
Thank you, ex-lover
For ruining me.
Because falling to the bottom only
Made me climb higher than I was.
And finally, ex-lover
Thank you for being so cruel
Now I know certain traits
To keep an eye out for and to avoid.

Heavy eyes and unspoken lullabies were familiar to me

Now, I never truly wished for your demise but the thought just came to me

If you were able to walk away from what we had without a single regret

Why wasn't I given the ability to pretend we had never met?

Unfairness was a common theme in our problematic little fling

And you were the one to pick a fight over every little thing

And I never wished for someone more muscular or tall

But I cannot love a man that loves to bang his head against the wall.

to associate object with man
hate and love go hand in hand
certain melodies cursed
and you'll never understand
                              many days go by
                     and without a single reply
         you'll hang your heavy little head
                      and make your way to bed
working in wonderous ways
through every stormy haze
a light shining through a crack
breaking your mother's back
                     waves of sorrow meet grief
                       and with every falling leaf
                            you'll find my eyes dry
                      and you'll be found a thief.

i let people walk all over me
like the red carpet except
i’m not nearly as beautiful
or highly regarded.

falling down, i put on high
heels with you in mind, to look
more attractive, to appear taller;
i twist my ankle but you don’t
care about how painful it is when
i try to look good for you.

at night, i slip into
a lonely unconsciousness,
while you slip into
another girl’s bed.

Forever wishing I could sit
Upon a throne of dishonest truths
And write for gods not yet approved
Of the disastrous state of our planet.
For heathens and heavens alike in aim
Yet night and day in strategy
For sleepless nights and pointless fights
As one works endlessly to rule all.
And we sit back and believe *******
Spewed from their business tongues
To be swallowed by the uneducated youth
I take back my earlier statement.
Never would I wish to be a cold-blooded superior
Lies keep their hefty egos afloat just long enough
For the public to believe their craziness
And to elect them to power.