Thick fire consuming my social being.
Ice cold stare confirming that I welcome solidarity.
Silent lips with the power to isolate.
Arms empty yearning to be full, but bearing fists held tight.
Reminding you that I will fight.
A slave to my emotions.
A puppet to my mind.
Bitter from lack of control and weak from loneliness.
The only thing that makes me sane like you is that even I don't understand me.
I'm a puzzle incomplete.
Of no interest to anyone until I'm allowed to be freed.
I know little of that sweet word.
For it comes so seldom and leaves to soon.
And so I'll stay in my room.

I felt my body falling into deeper pain yesterday.
Like a shadow that drains with sharp and lingering aches.
Like a monster waiting to take its victim.
I'm where sleep feels so close and so much further.
I can't sleep or stay awake and it's torture.
I'm trapped.
I find no comfort.
I have no escape.
I'm my bodies enemy.
My mind is heavy and my thoughts confused and blurry.
I'm less of me today.
Even though yesterday I was less me.
Today I'm lesser me then I've been in weeks.
I feel depressed and frustrated.
Frustrated with my mind, and body.
Today is a reminder why yesterday was better.
Even though I was tired and my back taunted me with its nagging wide spread hurt.
Today is more.
And I am less.
Uncomfortable, unhappy, and unable to exact my discription of this curse.
Fibromyalgia's friend.
It won't let me go.
And Fibromyalgia's enemy.
It won't let me go...
This is me.
This is not me.
I'm but a shadow of me ninety percent of my life.

My aunt said your a good guy.

Your uncle said I was the best thing that happened to you.

Maybe they are both wrong.

Perhaps the are both right.

Either way it doesn't mean that we belong together.

Because this moment my eyes are swollen from tears.

This moment my heart is in need of numbing.

I can't see the future, because your cruel words have filled my mind.

I'm alone inside myself and confused of what brought this on.

Did someone call you and set your mood?

Did something happen in the few minutes you were away?

The you that you were, I seldom see.

But it has did something to me...

I feel like I missed something.

Before the names you called poured from you mouth...

Life was fine and I knew was happy.

This second I'm angry hurt and painfully sad.

So so confused about it all.

Broken, so broken, but strong despite it all.

Strong and confused...

Something evil took over you...

Ice pack pillows...

So many and so close like skin to my skull.

Pain so vicious that my bodies aches from fibromyalgia are numb.

Any scent is like an attack, pounding my head...

I have no strength to fight back.

My stomachs tired too...

It refuses to hold any food.

Light is like lasers set to explode.

And moving...

Moving causes silent tears for fear of adding sound...

I'm in a world of torture, only one with severe migraines knows.

With prescription relief comes a side effects pain...

Thought through carefully it's worth the trade.

One morning or day gone...

Maybe even a few...

Before comeplete comfort sits a dull draining day...

After each tormenting migraine I find a sweet appreciation for my every day physical pains.

I've been deceived and annoyed.

You think you are entitled to an ounce of respect, because you own a piece of my heart.

Darling, it doesn't work that way.

Respect is earned.

I will not allow my heart to think for my mind and confuse love with with excuses.

I won't say that your not in my heart or on my mind...

But your position couldn't be closer to a waste of my sweet time.

No matter how white or transparent you think your lie is...

It's mere existence without coming clean makes you irrelevant to my trust.

My *** is big, but my hearts bigger.

Yeah, I know I'm a moody *****...

Say it and don't hide your ****...

Cause, baby your an ******* and your sense of humor has gotten distasteful...

Your crooked smile, is still beautiful and your eyes are still a two shades of my kind of romantic.

Your scars are still **** and you are still the only man that gives me that high.

You still have my heart...

But don't mistake my love for weakness.

Before I fell for your flaws, we were just friends, and we shared with complete honesty.

We weren't perfect, but we were real and that's the kind of love that I want to feel.

You have my heart, but your entitled to ****.

You have my heart, but trust and respect is earned and kept up with.

The romance can die down and rise again, but without honesty I'm water to It's flames.

Without honesty I'm entitled to freedom and companionship that's honest and real.

I'm entitled to all of this, with or without You.

You were like a natural disaster to our lives.

While we played in a field.

No warning.

You appeared...

You struck and we lay scattered on that field...

In tears.

Confused.

In pain.

Broken inside out.

No longer just children.

Victims to young to understand that we were forever changed.

To young to understand why we felt ***** and guilty.

The threats and fear, made us silent...

Fear and interrogation made me lie.

You left us in that open space forever, no matter where we went.

And our lives were taken...

Our parents were broken, because parents break when thier children are hurt.

And my lie...

My lie forever changed my protectors life.

My fear made me hurt another.

We were so young...

Some not old enough for school.

Our fear allowed the disaster to strike others...

Now as adults we know a new guilt.

But we were so young.

This very unnatural disaster still walks the earth...

Somebody gives this pervert comfort...

But we are forever changed.

Stronger today, yes...

But never again as free as before he stole our innocence.

This disaster turned our world upside down, and revisited us for years taking more of us each time he put his disgusting hands on us.

I'm not to religious, but I believe in God.

I have yet to know the reason for this, except that we are great protective parents...

And as I believe there's a God...

I know there is also a hell.

And while God tells us to forgive...

I have yet to forgive even myself for being so full of fear, because it allowed him to walk free and hurt us again and again, and others through time.

There is no part of us sacred or untouched by that evil...

No matter who knows our story, there's no person not even eachother who understands the depth of our individual torment.

The unfair torture of feeling an isolated, unexplainable, personal  taste of evil.

Like a natural disaster, he struck us down...

Children at play made victims of a child molester.

Survivor's!

Of a sick family member's distgusting taste for extremely young children.

We can't say we are ok.

We refuse to say you are anything more then a creature that has not yet met God's wrath.

And dare not say, you to know abuse...

Dare not say you found God...

God and abuse will find you when your six feet under.

I know I sin as I write this...

But to forgive...

As a mother myself...

Well that's it's not in me.

Do unto others...

Do unto others, that's how I live.

When I'm near you, my skin heats and sweats for you.

My heart flutters full of passion, and my thoughts are only for you and l.

My eyes crave yours, and outlines your shoulders, your neck, your every shadow, your art.

My art...

Your my art.

I can trace you with my lingering fingers, leading to places only for me.

Kissing your lips, licking them with my careful aggressive lust.

My lips are sweet, but my tongue will be in your every *******.

As our tongues dance I know this was my very dream last night.

You and I, like heat and delicious liquid memories.

It's physical passion and chemical romance.

You and I made to please only eachother.

To gently tease and vigorously please eachother.

This is what the best dreams are made of...

You and I dancing our sacred dance.

The dance that only great lovers can dance.

Till every ****** has stolen our very last movement.

Drained our liquid lust.

Till we lay in each others arms or spread out on the bed...

While our bodies scream pleasure and only our deep breaths remain among blended sweat and wet...

I think of this.

Of you.

Of us.

And my mind plays this distant song to my body and it radiates through me till only consuming you will heal me...

Fill me...

Feel me...

And I miss you now though in moments I'll upon you.

My self control does not exist.

Just you and l alone with our sounds and bodies bound and bent, layed out and sometimes whipped.

Passion.

All of our needs will be met...