Candles are lit inside
then blown out by
I don't know what.
The breath that comes
Out of nowhere
and changes the light.
Darkness becomes everything.
Shown in my eyes with
blood shots and twitches.
Trying to breathe myself and
pictures in my mind are flipped through
as if there are photo albums in my cranium.
First is the picture of the kids who crowded me
at the playground and mocked me.
Second is the teacher who introduced my failed grade and others saw me as less.
The third picture is the most brutal;
All the boy said was we would go for a walk.
Turned into us alone in a stairwell,
He kissed me thousands of times on the lips
with no consent
at all.
I'm not going to let these pictures rule me I dont
care that they are worth a thousand words.
There will be no words once I light another candle and let the fury burn into ashes.
My eyes will watch birds fly and flowers bloom.
Your eyes can see me as a happy woman.
It's there somewhere.

I can fall in love with your words,
Without ever meeting the person behind them.
I could be infatuated by what you have to say,
Without ever hearing a moments speech from your lips,
Feel touched without the need for physical embrace,
Because every emotion shared is a kind of kiss.

It's certainly not romantical (although it offers no barriers to such),
No, this is something far more real,
Transcending the animal need for the flesh to intertwine,
So much more than the roundabout hellos and goodbyes,
Beating even the are you OKs and I feel that way toos.

It's the simple "I am here. This is me."
So glorious in its simplicity that it could break a heart,
Or mend it, depending on the reciever,
Although I suppose the point is there is no reciever,
Like the triumphant cry of the lone mountaineer,
Or the screams of a mother who's lost her child,
Only far more composed in their release.

I sometimes feel like I'm reading words not meant for my eyes,
(And, in a sense, I suppose they're not).
They are far more beautiful than words that need to be read,
These are words that were meant to be written.

I find myself hating humanity to its very core,
Although each individual has traits I love endearingly-
Every last one- (even ****** created works of beauty),
But you, who have encapsulated a piece of divinity,
Within such common things as words - I love you more.

Glimpse of the moon

Need a little reassurance
and maybe just one more guitar
chord to learn and know.
Blowing out the candles
Every year making a wish yet
Asking,
Is this how it's going to be?
Life is filled with different beginnings
as every birthday is filled with different
drinks poured into red solo cups,
then bottles,
then diamond champagne glasses.
What will be different when I wake up
to a new style in life?
Will I or my guitar be in good condition?
Still I walk outside in the dark listening
to music soothing into my veins.
In the gray night sky
a glimpse of the moon is plenty for me
to look down at my strides,
and see my shadow.
Darkened image of my body that
may have changed as well as me,
so the shadow says to me and the world,
I'm here and living for now on,
and there are new songs to write and play.
Change is brutal in the beginning,
but needed in the end.
Amen

Cleanliness is something that you learn
when your mom washes your hair and
reminds you to brush your teeth before bed.
It isn't something you think about,
it's something you do out of habit.
Cleanliness is something you memorize,
you don't associate it with someone's ****** history
until their history writes itself into your present and future.
It receives a new meaning
once you wash your hair and brush your teeth
and you somehow still don't feel clean.

This is a farewell song,

The last words that I’ll ever exchange with you.

It’s a goodbye.

The end of everything.


Treat me as a stranger now and I’ll return the favour.

If some day, you run into me,

Do not take pains to smile or say hello, because I won’t return it.

Because a part of me won’t let me smile even if I want to.

Because my veins will tie my hands and stop me to reach for you,

to wave at you,  to embrace you, like I once did.

Because this is the end

It’s a goodbye.


You murdered my existence

There’s a part of me that’s always going to hate you,

A part of me that’s always going to remember you,

And remind me why storms are named after people.