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Jessica Lofts Apr 11
In all your endeavours,
Try not to trip over your words,
As they contradict each other,

Gorging - you grew fat,
On what you told me only I could give,  
You were never full,
And I was never finished giving,
The good of the spider,
Is not the good of the fly,
No matter the web she may weave.

Was your holy word,
You preached love,
With your fingers crossed behind your back,
And I watched,
As the words seeped from your mouth,
Like a black tar,
Sealing me to the altar,
Unable to move – I was your sacrifice,
And you never thought twice.

I swear it flows through your veins,
Where blood should be,
There is no life in you that is not corrupted,
No light that is not plagued by shadows,
I navigated your pain,
Whilst you chose to stay blind,
And still - you led me down the darkest paths.

I will not pray,
For you to find peace,
I have been searching too long,
I will only ask that the memory of you – evaporates,
Cause no more harm,
And that I,
Will fall back into familiar,
Loving arms.
you always asked why i never wrote poems for you. i don't think you would have liked what i wrote.
  Mar 29 Jessica Lofts
red wine
stained our lips,
with clumsy hands
tracing moonlight
on your skin.
our love got sweeter
with each stolen kiss
and in those moments
i knew,
i would follow you
to any ruin.
- all i could breathe was you.
Jessica Lofts Mar 12
I have seen the words,
‘I love you’ ooze from mouths,
Like poison,
But on your lips,
They are a nectar I am dying to taste.

I sat looking at the stars,
And thought of you,
Wondrous, candescent,
And out of reach,
But still I could not look away,
Self-sabotage is a past time of mine – after all,
I am often hypnotised by  beautiful things.

With them as my guide,
Without them I am un-tethered,
Lost but you won’t find me there,
Shadows haunt the corridors,
Fragments scatter the halls,
I have let too many storms in,.
To call this place a home anymore.

I have spent,
An eternity crystallising,
Only to shatter,
When you look at me,
The pieces fall and reform,
I have never seen them shine so brightly.

I desire the stillness,
That you bring me.
  Dec 2019 Jessica Lofts
Sehar Bajwa
just because the star-
fish can grow its arms back does
not mean it didn't hurt.

even though scars heal
and wounds fade it doesn't mean I
will forget the pain.
Jessica Lofts Dec 2019
I keep seeing the faces,
Of all the people I have ever loved,
Like me,
They get lost in the smoke,
Features dance with each other,
It is at first obscure
But in the end it is you.

It’s like being thrown into a raging ocean with no life jacket. No raft. No nothing. Just me and the biting water and in theory, I should know what to do. This isn’t the first time. I’ve practiced on land a million times – but that’s the thing. It isn’t the same. In theory I know how what I’m supposed to do to keep my head above water but the sea is more violent than I remember. Every breath is a lead weight. Every little wave on the horizon is a Tsunami. All the rescue boats seem to ignore me. I scream and nothing comes out. Drowning looks peaceful. I think I’d like to be at peace.

nothing grows here anymore.

the smoke smothers everything and nothing grows here anymore. Why did you have to poison everything.
You say you love me but you do not love with raised fists and spitting words. I was always scared of you.

I do not believe that you will stay.

I feel trapped in my head.

Get me out
get me out
get it out.

After the high comes reality. Don’t let me come down.
Destruction and love are interchangeable in my sphere. I cannot tell the difference until I am surrounded by the ashes
And my only company are the ghosts. Soon even they will move on. I envy them. I have died so many times.  purgatory is all I have seen. I wonder how many more lives I have left. Don’t beat a dead horse.  

I do not believe that you will stay.

The world cannot destroy me if I beat her to it.
do not let this take me.
  Nov 2019 Jessica Lofts
my parents taught me
opposites don’t just attract
they also connect

a feeling you’ve never felt before
hard times don’t last. Overcome.
Jessica Lofts Nov 2019
I’ve been dreaming,
Of all the faces,
Of all the people I have ever loved,
Apparate and shatter,
I do not want yours to end up here.

I look to you,
The way the flowers look to the sun.

Do not excite within me,
What you cannot contain,
Within your arms,
Sometimes this all spills out of me,
Help me not to overflow.

I’ve never wished people,
Good night but I want you to know I’m dreaming of you.

I never want to reach the fall,
So keep driving,
Down the blue roads,
In my skin until you reach the centre.

Please remove all sharp objects from your person before you enter.
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