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Jasmine Reid May 2018
Enduring the torture that my own body gives me, cramps and stings and knives that bleed me.
A flood of red liquid many know as blood, I imagine it on my wrists when I feel the tingling warming sensation at the bottom of my arm.

I’m lost in a current when I remember back to being with the bright blue sky, but then I think to now and how I’m pushed under your ocean deep octaves, and dark brooding ground eyes.
These waves that crash over me take a drastic turn as my own stomach churns, constricting me, bleeding me, killing me.

Like my own thoughts weren’t enough to drown my head with the sights of him, but it would continue and I’d see her there too, and then I’d imagine finally finishing it.
But how do I do it?

Do I slit my wrists? And let my body dribble dry.
Do I swing from the ceiling? And let my body sway from side to side.
Do I jump off from a high place? And let my body crumble from gravity.
Do I swallow and choke down pills? And let my body bubble and grumble.

I can’t eat, I can barely sleep, and the stress keeps letting me get depressed. More and more I sink.

Underneath the deep blue sea
Jasmine Reid Apr 2018
The chilling wind that drops it's temperature as Autumn sets in with the now crumbling leaves that begin to fall in the chill of approaching winter.

How I used to smile and laugh before was a month ago, I often think to myself that I should stand in the rain, and be drenched in the tears that God whimpers out over our pitiful humanity
Life is a never ending struggle designed that way.
Designed for disaster.

Paper holds more value to someone then anothers life.
A chase kiss holds more passion then a one night stand.
An animal keeps the runt for as long as possible, while humans discard their own.

We pay, we trade, we slaughter, we cower.
His grip is strong, pinning me down with ease by my wrists, I have no hope. But yet I keep fighting back, trying to slap the girl who keeps crawling back to those pills and that **** needle she feels so lonely without.
Hypnotic in the moment he is, slowly holding out my arm with an injection in the other hand, letting the needle scrape against my skin gently, before piercing the cold flesh.

I'm addicted to this pain that I keep constantly feeling all because I get a head turn or even one word to leave your mouth. I'm in a tranquil garden of lies that I hide behind my "Okay" facade.
...
Jasmine Reid Mar 2018
If you’re depressed and wanna **** yourself clap your hands
clap clap
If you’re depressed and wanna **** yourself clap you hands
clap clap
If you’re depressed and you know it and you really wanna show it,
If you’re depressed and wanna **** yourself clap your hands
*clap clap
Just saying.
Jasmine Reid Mar 2018
Mum...Dad...
You probably don't want to hear anything from the ****** of the family, but I'd just like to say thank you for guiding me and helping me when I was down, even if I get mad and frustrated with you for not understanding my teenage self.

I wish things weren't quite this hard, but I don't want you to be mad at me anymore, I'm sorry I never made you overly proud with anything I did.

Night is a time where I lay awake and overthink about things again and again, the same things, different day and familiar tears.
I always wondered why I didn't get support for little things, cause it seemed you didn't care for them or what they meant to me, did you feel scared possibly? I can't ask because you don't hear my words.

Pondering back and forth as I pace around, waiting for a response.
I've written too much its not even my own anymore.
So I'm going to stop for a while.
Bye Guys
Jasmine Reid Mar 2018
No matter how much you come to mind, you are not mine
and when I leave the feeling of muscle memory coats me in your toxins, your sweet toxins, an odor I'm already fond of
coaxed I am by you, for you and no matter how much I want or crave to be even near you and have you around, to laugh and cry with

you won't be there

Here we go again and I will not give into my own dreams and wishes, we were so close today, I felt your breath from a mile away and your lips on mine for that brief second before your head peered away and looked towards a sea of distraction

Who can touch me tonight and make my skin feel bare?
I feel the hands of the sun roaming my skin as my lower back is held in a warming embrace, but I will not loose my mind as my breathing and heart beats.

A sorry letter is what I meet when I return home and I view the handwriting, recognizing it's yours a little clarification point you recite to me every now and then, I've got it mate.

People have plans and I wanna help others, as they try an encourage me to get through, oh if only they truly knew, I still smell you you're here, Ha!
Honestly I'm not gonna leave you behind, no matter what heat you might have had for me, you think you're better on your own, caress my thighs and grip my *** like it's completely fine, it doesn't mean anything to me.

Maybe I should leave, and react the normal way, but I can't because I just don't care, this is a Daisy Buchanan and Jay Gatsby thing? Minus the money and on off love.
No this is a different version, filled with lust and lack of concern, it's like you have no emotions that reside in you, only hands and a **** that control you

others might say I should escape and hate you, cause I'll be better on my own without the venom of someone who's not even there.
You're not a Tom Buchanan, but you're certainly a Jay Gatsby my lord

Why should I escape though, I'm okay, I'm not dead and I haven't been stripped of everything even if I know not where his hands have been, its just an illusion
Not Real At All
-Sorry for the swearing & the length-
yeah.
might change my style of poems soon...maybe
Jasmine Reid Mar 2018
everyone that surrounds you, already knows who you are, but not all know your story and what has affected you in your past.
break
I want you to leave behind anyone I despise, or do not trust, but I can not control you for you do not wish to hear my intuition that is right, somewhere deep down.
break
Okay. I get it, you two become a happy couple, I'll question why I went through the trouble of trying to keep you away even though I admit it wasn't a brilliant attempt.
break
"Bid your *** adieu"
If you wouldn't mind, thanks
Sweetie how will you react when you realise that she is smitten, and you didn't accept another's, oh do tell me why?
Invite me to the wedding and after your vows where they double check, I'll have something to say!
break!
I'm trying to see the light by taking a break and avoid the sight
taking my time. Because the words that follow after anything I say about myself with follow on
And trust me they're not good ones
break!
I can't wait for the bad things to happen, is that bad? cause if they do happen, I'll be reminded why I never crossed the bridge, and I'll drink to that.

Drink to my guts, congrats again, you were ****** right once again!

"Cheers Boys!"
Thank you Set It Off : N.M.E  and  Why Worry - for some inspiration to this poem, and cheers to my depression that embraced me to write this piece of crap!
Jasmine Reid Mar 2018
It is not just the main things, it is also the others, the little things
that are not called for, even then neither is the rest...
She spits vile words and harsh poison into my eyes and it stings and burns as I cry in anguish

stop.
how do you think I feel? You don't, words fall from your mouth and spill onto the floor and flood it from the hurt, you tell me to ignore them and only think for myself and get myself set.
Set on what mother?
I have nothing to go off, no one I can turn to for this sort of thing.
You tell me not to feel for the others. Mum, if you really haven't noticed yet, I'm shocked.

You know I can't do this, but you say I don't try hard enough, I'm not putting in the effort...shut up.
I have no talents or skills, you should know this mother.
If I had something, you would've been proud by now, but you're not, so please just stop.

Yes my grades are a mess, and yes I like that boy and yes I'm trying.
"If you stop putting yourself down" you say, like you're trying to comfort me, you're not
You're one of the reasons I put myself down mother, it's you.
And dad, don't forget that man.

you want me to be. Perfect. I can't be that, you should ******* know that.
But you don't. You don't listen, you don't care, you don't understand anything you put me through, "It's not good enough"

leave me
...
no more
I'm done with this. You need to understand that I haven't the slightest ******* clue what i want to do, because I don't know what I can do, I'm not smart enough, I don't have money, I don't have a stupid job, I have nothing I can bring to the table that you like to spin around whenever I try to grab something off it.

Stop making me feel like I'm not good enough.
To My Mother.
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