Creativity is like fleeting moments of brilliance, which albeit, occurs regularly

I don't know where
        I'm going
    or quite exactly
            where I want to be.

             I just know that
my feet keep moving,
                  my heart keeps beating,
      and there's nothing
              standing
            in my way.

How many words
Arranged for you?

How many hours
Awake because of you?

How many kisses
Given to forget you?

How many times have I given up?
I want to say many

How many lies
Have I told myself?
:
"How many times will my heart break?"
"How many ways will I lose?"

How many of them
Will your soft truths erase?

How many landings
After falling out of dream-state,

How many dreams
Allowed me to caress your face?

I have suddenly emerged
From long
Restless
Hibernation.
My cells even,
They scream for you,
Shouting out endorphins

You make me feel like a child
Because only children are able to feel pure,
Unabashed,
Uncomplicated happiness
The way you make me feel it.
Only a child can lose itself
So completely as I do with you
And only a child would be so eager
To run towards something pretty;
With untied shoes,
With legs not fully grown
And not yet often used,
With an unsteady gait,
But a focus so clear it could only come from a head higher even than the clouds,
Knowing what tripping means
Knowing what falling feels like
Knowing fragility,
And not knowing what it is to care.


How many poems
Have I written you into?

How perfect must a piece be
To start to color in
The picture of you
I've written?

How many adjectives
Must describe love
Must describe laughter
Must describe honesty
Before I can see your eyes glowing in my work?

How can I summon these words
And more
To let you in on yourself
While your fingers run through my hair?

How can I speak?

You make me,
You make me,
You make me stutter sometimes because I'm so caught up in how sweet you are
And repetition is so sweet when you're a part of it
And no matter how many times I say your name,
It will never lose its flavor.

I am more for you
And, somehow,
I am the same as I've always been.
I am more aware of myself than ever before,
And less self conscious,
Because you bring out the beauty in things simply by allowing your own beauty to be with them.
It's hard not to feel worthy of something
When something so wonderful
Doesn't even give you a chance to wonder if you are.

How many chances
Have you given me?

How many times will I fall for you?
It doesn't matter,
Because every time I do,
I remember
Just

How easy
Falling for you is.

"There is no poetic beauty in pain."
I am learning this slowly.
My hands still shake when it's past 2 in the morning
and breathing isn't easy most nights.
I am not poignant with my words
and some days it's hard to get out of bed.

This is my adolescence:
A tangled mess of dismantled almosts
and empty promises scribbled messily on the back of restaurant napkins.
It's stolen kisses in sleepy coffee shops,
failing chemistry,
driving recklessly,
and staying up late on lonely nights to watch the sunrise.

There are days where I'm convinced life shines
with a brilliance unknown to me,
so I continue on and live for those days.
Those days where breathing comes a little easier and I remind myself
that everything happens for a reason.
I hope you find these days where all you know is basked in a vibrance you've only read about.

Live for those days.
Live for me.

There's only one thing I see
Black.
There seems to be only one thing
Black.
The blackness goes on and one
Always
     Endlessly
          Infinitely
               Permanently
BLACK
Forever black.

I hardly remember colors.
I sort of remember red
kind of green or maybe it was blue
how would i know,
i can't remember what color went with what name.
maybe it was yellow or pink or orange
or white.
white.
the opposite of black.
what a luxury
an unappreciated luxury
to see the opposite
of black.
what a luxury
to see anything
other than
black.

black.
thats the only color i'm certain of.
i see it all the time.
i wake up
black.
i try to walk
black.
i do nothing
black.
i go to sleep
black.
and the cycle repeats
day
after day
after day
the cycle repeats.

Black.
it's boring
and i'm sick of it
but it's all i have.
black.

There's a breeze flowing through my hair, so strong that it has the power to knock me back a couple of months
Back to a time when you still loved me- I meet your eyes again for the first time in awhile. You're laughing, throwing your head back, and dancing around. Singing to me, you say "look at the stars, look how they shine for you"
There's a breeze flowing through your hair, and I try my hardest to hold on to this moment with you for as long as I possibly can
But too bad for me, much like our memories, the breeze always ends up slowly withering away to something I can't feel anymore

and just like that
it all came back
but it didn't hurt-
I was smiling, in fact

naivety
wishes and dreams

longing and lust
blind faith and trust

nature bleeding colors
incredible warmth

and still that
warmth of another

sent shivers
in sorts

though troubled
mind hardened

though heart
now near stone

sometimes I smile
when I am alone

it all sometimes
floods

avalanches
fall

mudslides &
quicksand

perilous waters
& all

just like that it
comes back

sometimes
I'm alone

but now I'm more
grounded

than I've ever known

Blue is something I can taste
The thinspun candy floss
Of saccharine summer memories.
That final exhalation you take after the exam
Because really, finishing your exam is pure relief.
It is the realization that no longer are the days of
Obligation and Responsibility here;
Those days have fluttered away
Like butterflies wearing blue ribbons.
Blue is the satisfaction of knowing
That the blueberry bomb quietly bursting under your tongue
Is one of many more to come.

i want to be the red crayon on a policeman's birthday card i want to be the algae in business women's shoes i want to be the rust in my mother's wedding rings i want to be the lace curtains my father sobs into as he breaks down on our hard wooden floor

i have been rambling all these things don't you dare tell me you understand me