in the movies
we are supposed to hate the bad guy.
the villain, the one who ruins everything.
but we continue to watch,
because the bad guy keeps us hooked.
he always leaves us wanting more,
wondering what will happen next.

i get it now.

you've got me hooked.
and i can't escape you.
i don't want to escape you.
you and your twisted ways.

when i get sad,
i think back to when you
loved me.

how the weather
was warm,
and you cared for me
more than ever.

but now the weather
is cold
and i’m no longer
loved by you,
but by people who
never really cared about
my well-being.

i act like i love them too,
but i’m still desperate
for the warm weather
to return,
and maybe you
with it.

she told you the truth
and you told her lies.

she told you i love you,
and so did you.

but she believed you,
because how could
someone make lies,
so beautiful?

she accepted people’s bad behavior,
because she thought,
they went through  difficult things.
yet, she invalidated her own feelings,
even if she knew what she went through.

everytime you told me you loved me
it sounded sinfully real
so i fell for it
and those three words
broke my heart into three more pieces.

our love wasn't some
basketball player and
cheerleader story,

it was written on pages
of an old book.

you were my Mr.Darcy,
and I was your Elizabeth
Bennet.

I liked our love,
it was old and meaningful.

but you wanted new,
so I flattened the pages
of the book, and cleaned
the cover.

but still,
you picked the girl
whose novel shined the
brightest in the stories.

she was the perfect girl
they said

she had the prettiest face
with the best body

she had the best grades
and she was popular at school

she was kind without being fake
because she genuinely cared

what a surprise it was
her life fell apart
and she was forced to grow up

when the drinking started
and her lungs began to turn black

when she spent the night on the bathroom floor
naked and sobbing

when she tried to find love in stranger’s beds
and pulled away from those who loved her most

when she lost herself
everything fell apart around her

maybe she wasn’t so perfect after all.

at the least,
one point while we were together,
i'm sure we felt the same thing.
i can't exactly decipher when
because i don't know when
you started to lose feelings.
maybe it was that kiss on the dock,
the lake had never looked so beautiful
until your lips were on mine.
or maybe it was my weight on yours,
your hands placed on my thighs
and my tongue down your neck.
but i definitely know it wasn't our last kiss
when your touch felt too hungry
and i couldn't find an ounce of myself in your eyes.
though i can't say you loved me,
you can't say you didn't feel what i felt
in the beginning.

you have the
key to my heart,

you opened it
without any second
thought.

but you lied.

you told me i had
the key to yours.

so i believed you,
because why would
you lie?

i didn't realize
you lied,
until i tried
unlocking it.

then i saw how different
our keys were.

yours had perfect lines,

while mine was more
of an organic shape,
impossible to
fit into anyones.

I’ll always remember tonight,
Dressed in your old white t shirt,
I’ll remember the shape of your fingers
Running along my skin,
I’ll remember your lips
Upon my braw,
I’ll remember telling you to stop
Even tho you never did.

I’ll remember still loving you,
Despite what you did to me
I’ll remember that you said you loved me too,
And what you did to me, is what you had to do
to prove it to me

you with the smile that no
longer makes me smile.

you with the voice that no
longer brightens my day.

you with the laugh that no
longer makes me laugh.

you with your good morning texts that no
longer make my morning the best.

you with your smell of your
moms drinking and your
dog that no longer
intoxicates me.

you who changed, and is
never coming back.