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I should hate you
for making me fall in love.
I should despise you
for breaking my heart.
I should curse your
memories for always being there.

I should feel all of that..
...but I don't...

Instead,
I love you
for teaching me to love again.
I love you
for making me feel again.
I love you
for the wonderful memories you bring.

Yes, I should hate you,
despise you,
curse you,
but instead,
I love you.

-E.T.
 May 2014 LiviKawa
olympia
i sit there with
the cool wind
breezing against my face
while the summer sizzles
on my shoulders

your golden thigh
sticks to my skin
as we drive to the game
every ******* week

the boys
they sit in the back
and pack their lips
and talk **** about
the girls

the girls
who don't realize
that they're their easy targets
who skip around
in their short, tight
dresses

they talk about their waists
and the way they like to moan
every little imperfection
all avail have they shown

they think that it makes them buff
they think that it makes them cool
and i let them light their egos
and sometimes i chirp on too

but yet i sit and listen
and sometimes i think
they don't realize that i'm a girl
too

i don't know how i feel about that
THE girl goes dancing there
On the leaf-sown, new-mown, smooth
Grass plot of the garden;
Escaped from bitter youth,
Escaped out of her crowd,
Or out of her black cloud.
Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer.!

If strange men come from the house
To lead her away, do not say
That she is happy being crazy;
Lead them gently astray;
Let her finish her dance,
Let her finish her dance.
Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer.!
 May 2014 LiviKawa
ili
You consume my dreams.
The one escape I have is reality.
How is it that,
you've found a way to consume that too.
 May 2014 LiviKawa
marina
i want to cut myself
open, and pour out every
word i thought about
telling you but never did

and stitch myself
up without anyone's help,
and clean away everything
i have depended on to fill
empty spaces, and replace it
with something new

i want to paint over my
wounds so that i don't have
to be reminded of what
i went through to get here

i want to be beautiful without
you, i want to be courageous
 May 2014 LiviKawa
Mr X
She cannot see what I see,
I cannot show her what I see.
I show her the trees and the mountain sides,
She shows me a Lamborghini passing by...
I show her the sun set on the horizon,
She shows me a luxury cruise on the ocean.
I tell her how good it feels  to have a coffee on the roadside bench with friends.
She tells me, how great it would be to have a chat over tea with the President!
I show her the openness of the vast sky,
She shows me the confinements of a villa by our side.
Then she says,
"You cannot see what I see".
You've watched her crumble
Gradually, and then
It was like a downpour
Of pain and confusion
You've seen her drown
Her sorrows in alcohol
Blood thickening with the heat of it all
Thinning with each drink
You've let her fall
From heights you never reached
Her soul crushed
Her heartbeat fleeting
How do you watch your loved ones break?
 May 2014 LiviKawa
yasmine
Skin
 May 2014 LiviKawa
yasmine
To everyone we are the clothes we wear,
The ****** expressions we show.
We are who we hang out with.
People will judge you from the surface
They don't care to know what's inside,
As long as it shows,
It's who you are.

They don't bother to ask who you are, inside
They don't bother to know your story
To them,
You're the happy, weird girl, the "good-one", the innocent.
To your walls,
You're the girl who cried herself to sleep every night,
The girl who hurts herself and the innocent objects around her
You are the depressed, unlovable reject.

The walls are the only ones who really know who you are
They're the only ones that really witnessed the horrific scenes at night
They're the only ones that know your late night secrets
They're the only ones there for you on those sleepless nights.

No one knows what you wear on your skin
They see your clothes, and don't care to undress you, and figure you out
They don't know that, on your skin, you carry seeping alcohol, scars, pain, smoke

They don't know your skin.
 May 2014 LiviKawa
r
The day was good,
the sun shining, a breeze
winding around the pines.
Two mockingbirds
were playing
guess me.

Cumuli loitered
above ground shadows
with cats jumping
from one to the other
in a game that only
they understood.

I felt the stirring of precipitate
motion on my cheek as a shadow
passed by whispersing the words
of an old song by Townes
about going down to see Kathleen.
I never meant for it to rain.

r ~ 5/7/14
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