As soon as you get used
to the lights on,
and his face adorns
my empty walls

you will cut off the hand
that undresses the oak
and the endless touch
and the sever conditions.

Will he know this?
Will he know?
Will he know?

Will he know that in the end
you didn't hunt out of hunger?
That in this eternal field
of lilies and wire
the night forgot the moon
and walked until late,
to find you chewing
muscle and fur?

Only one mark on your skin,
but on your soul, perhaps, thousands
although I wouldn't dare to say
that any of those was inflicted by me.

And if it never rains again,
When will you have the courage to choose
if you sleep without his eyes, or without me,
If you live without a scar or without roots?

And if on these streets
where you dragged me,
where so many winters
for springs you traded

I should have the misfortune
to stumble upon him,
I would apologize
just by seeing him

Would he know this?
Would he know?
Would he know?

Would he know that you are just
a burning bush?
And I am a dark water spring
wanting to caress you?
That, maybe, I did him a favor,
that, modesty aside,
it takes more water
than what he has to turn you off?

And the glass of his eyes
would be broken in suspense
and then, he would want to see
(or not)

And he would recognize the cancer
that he has carried on his bones,
and then, he would want to believe
(or not)

That, out of the seed he spat
I did grow a watermelon.
Then I would know
(or not)

if I'm allowed to be born,
if one day, the day will come
where you will be mine
or not.

Normal people don't want to hurt themselves.

I want to fall in love again,
But only with you.

~~♥~~

I used to think men
should be more like books
Both you cannot
judge by looks...

If I didn't want to finish reading
I put it down... no heart was bleeding

A book will never fuss or fight
It will stay with you
through the night...

It doesn't smoke. It doesn't drink.
It won't leave toothpaste
in the sink!

It doesn't binge... it don't eat...
It won't leave up the toilet seat!

It don't forget. It doesn't mope.
It won't hog the TV remote!

It doesn't have to have
The last say...
It doesn't have legs

to walk away.

But it's not soft. It isn't warm.
It doesn't keep you
safe from harm.

Even though it makes no fuss
It can't think. It can't discuss.

Even though it has its charms
it can't hold you in its arms.

It doesn't pine. It doesn't miss.
It can't hug and it can't kiss.

So now I think on it again...
... I think BOOKS should be
             more like MEN!!!


SoulSurvivor
2/20/2015

june tenth
the pale lamp in my room is flickering again,
you told me fifty three times to fix it,
i never did.

september twenty-first
every morning i drink apple juice,
you liked orange juice and always asked me to buy some,
i never did.

september twenty-fifth
wednesday: the day you were born,
once you were gone i was supposed to forget,
i never did.

october third
halloween is coming up,
you told me to dress up as captain america,
i never did.

may second
it's spring time and the flowers are hopping up from their beds, (another thing i never did)
i can't believe the world still goes on but,
i never did.

may eighteenth
i read the fifth harry potter book,
i skipped two and four; you once told me to write my own story,
i never did.

may twenty-seventh
you always laid out my meds for me on our lillypad green paper napkins,
but whenever i'd take them you'd vanish, so,
i never did.

june first
i played a mel tormé record,
you said i had a better voice than him whenever i sang along but,
i never did.

june sixth
i cried for the first time in three days,
the world felt heavier today, i tried to let it crush me but,
it never did.

june tenth
now its been,
well,
time seems a bit funny to me now a days.
but i guess its probably been two months or so,
but the calendar says four years,
but the calendar wouldn't be the first thing to lie to me in here.
but i want to let you know:

i don't have lamps now,
i only am allowed water,
they never tell me what day it is,
i haven't even seen a halloween since your absence,
the only thing close to flowers in here is the pattern on my gown,
the "library" here *****, there is a total of nine books. they are all gross romance novels,
my meds now come in a tiny paper cup four times a day,
they only play country here and thats only on music therapy days,
the world floated up
                                    up
                         ­                 up
                                             ­   and away, i assume it took you with it,

i guess it is just and fair that this happened to me,
i mean look at all the things you asked that i did not do for you,
but i asked you one thing,
and you said you'd always be with me, but,
you never did
**no one ever did