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Sep 2 · 117
Rán must Drown
Helena Sep 2
look at this brittle
and her pathetic longing
for your drunken affection
infectious aedes,
pyretic and impotent
to drink from the world ́s
hairy ******
she must forget your name

she will drink from her wine
and bite down on her skin
find another God
to drown herself in
and then touch his lips under warm
summer waves
that whisper the hold
of your cold ocean gaze
the names of the streets
where the heat made you shiver
(ghosts of grey streets,
that once harbored light)

demure poison bug
eventual swat,
small tender glass
assembled to break
vitreous moon that kindled
the pier
knowing your eyes
she forgot her own fate

tell me
   did it  please you?
in her
dreams, azure
it makes you cry
Aegir (Jötunn)  &  Rán (Goddess): From Norse mythology. Aegir is potrayed as a "gracious host" while Rán takes care of the more sinister aspects of the ocean. They have nine daughters, who represent the spirits of the waves.
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Aug 13 · 400
Monday Morning: Again
Helena Aug 13
My withering crimson,
through saltpeter streetcars,
I remember your face.
Drenched in benzene, bathed in soft glow
- eyes that pierced through veils of stop signs

I'm afraid
pictures of you might melt
into ghosts of grey
streets that once harbored light.
Jun 22 · 304
Helena Jun 22
Closed systems tend to maximize, Daddy gave me hint & warning sign. I beg him to decorticate my stubborn rind,to draw the line -----
a graceless short fat thumb-scratch. ***** finger, rough disorder, I unwind in the presence of infection. Bandaid glue and patchwork sweat, chaos in prevention: self- destruction.
May 22 · 161
From Jerry
Helena May 22
bowling-pin Tom
tastes like
sour milk and
monthly payments
I run around his kitchen
dressed in lethal
butter knife

my railroad cat
with eyes that
play-pretend the almost
catch me´s
finds meaning in my
nursery rhymes

Trailer park escapism
joy in school-bus
traffic rides
otherwise inconsequent
ring dove hands
that scrape
my sea-salt thighs
May 12 · 518
Helena May 12
Doused in trailer park,
Axe and ******
Underneath the visions
Of a bleeding
Tartan skirt

Kiss, kiss her invisible
Before you choke
On pencil shavings
Before you gag
on cherry lips

You'd die
For small holes
To fit all your ambitions in
And to roll around
The bed
Without a screeching
Corpse to stumble on

So in nights
You can't sleep
And the summer's
Yet to come
Dwell freely
On Magdalenes

Use it then to drown
Your self-pitying
Apr 29 · 1.1k
meet me at the diner
Helena Apr 29
my roman nose did not
fit the cupboard womb
as I stared at
the silhouette
of a ketchup stain on  
a breakfast table
raw burger meat,
ripe debutantes
all bathed in
glycerin and
waiting for teeth
or the occasional knife
(chaining themselves
to trees
whose seeds mostly

I came here alone
(use me and squeeze me)
the insides of the
shrinking constitution,
the demure dissident
such a thrill
to smear my guts
all over the newspapers
to see the visions
of the
ink so

I pressed
the greasy
diner table
arms crossed
to hide my face behind
a promise to be
waiting for you
open mouthed
and mute
chiaroscuro, blind
Mar 6 · 177
Helena Mar 6
I am the shirt you bought
when love was kind

you pressed your head
against the garment rack
and held my ridged noose
like a child
that finds grip
in calloused hands  
and you found
brawn in
polyester sleeves
and warmth
in my youth´s
tender cotton

You bought me
when you still
prayed to silence
and howled in whispers,
with your teeth latched onto
the mesh bars
of a silver cage
and you called me your equinox
and I was your hope
when you didn't know
my name

You wore me,
when you still
wished time
would run away,
when all your past felt binding
and the unknown was safe

I am the shirt that you now keep
all paint-stained and shriveled
in your locked  
bedroom drawer

the one you catch a glimpse of
next to the lonely sock
and your father´s shirts
(the ones still stained with
blood and ***, the ones
that taught you to be fair)
and now you dare and
look at me with
soft despair
when I can't help but shed the

I become the air that seethes
through the accidental
armpit hole
Or the break of air between
the kiss you share
with the one you love
Feb 18 · 556
comic relief
Helena Feb 18
cyanide kisses
subtle, deluded
swaying softly
against the tender
of a sweaty cheek

subdued candle flame
four hips gyrate to
the quiet sting of
counterfeit moonlight

the raging constitution
of knowing your eyes
But pressing hard to
kiss his cough-drop
and all this sudden asphyxiation

not looking up to conceal
all the things I see
in the quiet ammunitions
of the letters of your name
fading away
ink bleeding with
his sour hot saliva
in your hallmark ricochet

the one you kept in the shirt pocket
you kept close
to your heart rate

I am afraid.
What to do with such unspeakable emotion?
I will hide beneath the surface
of the fine lines of his face
and forget about the almost
the tide against
the rage
in a ship of my own making
an anemone bouquet
the last reminder
of the time and the day
you made me feel
Feb 15 · 726
guilty party
Helena Feb 15
I saw you with your kids
in the park
(did you hear me scream?)
knees up close
greasy bathroom stall
self-pity regime
your voice again like Rachmaninoff
keys, tearing at the seams
guilty party, sickening gleam
coney island ferris wheel

I saw you laughing with your
kids in the park
they were
bathed in sun-tan,
dressed in
technicolor hydrocolloids,
wishing on eyelashes
(aurora borealis)
tender home

(give me self-sacrifice
or quiet abnegation
over the view
from this cage)
(any day)
Feb 13 · 375
Helena Feb 13
I'm a wailing cry-baby
In neon
torture devices
I'm a broken antique plate
in the contrasts of
Your silence

Hidden green light
in your ocean eyes
Hidden meanings
in indulgent nursery
Words they shrivel
and I can only shiver
in face of your anatomy

Say nothing,
and tell me everything
So I can keep
stretching my arms
towards unreachable

Say nothing,
and tell me everything
So I can
fade away in the fire
of my rage
Feb 11 · 965
ballad for the anemone
Helena Feb 11
forsake me, anemone
forsake me
I´ll paint every other
flower red
while you stain away my tears

forsake me, anemone
forsake me
you never gave me permission
to only find God in you
you´re not to blame

the sun´s dull filter
a heart next to her name
so I´m drunk
with his saliva
on my face
(your hand
like an invisible string)
forsake me anemone
forsake me
Jan 5 · 472
Helena Jan 5
I used to lay naked on the sand
pale body in stark contrast
To the dark soil
Right sided waves
Swiftly hit my raw intestine
Needle-pain against my
Life-sized scar

I used to drown in man-made puddles
Filled with the purple shades of a subtle tear
i found comfort in holding back the ocean
in swallowing,in blistering
(iodine throat, failed kidney osmosis)

I drowned overflowed.

Now the sun
Keeps falling over me,
Laughing over me,
And the moon has left
My sleep tired eyes
Sadistic clowns
Sand mouth stuffing
My grit smile
Masochistic asphixiation

(Oh right now) how i'd love
To drown burned.
Life live love eyes time
Dec 2018 · 1.7k
rubber rain boots/mud
Helena Dec 2018
stuck in the sole-ridges.
burning sun in amber petrichor
you suddenly feel infinite
skipping, humming
(****** puddle,suicide note)
and then my body underneath you
in plasma, in blister, in blood.
never let me drown
(you keep me burning on)
i´m mud
subtly stuck in
your rubber bridges.

started singing with the kids in park
i swore i could hear you screaming
(i was)

my love, my love
your footsteps break my silence
Nov 2018 · 992
Helena Nov 2018
A crack in the plastic cup
I run my fingers through
A Thumb-full of little cuts
I run my fingers through
worn-out bandaids
Can hardly contain (you)
Little reddish stains on
The white cotton fabric

For best results,
apply the bandage
to clean, dry, skin
(the cup was full of water)
Long time since I published a poem here...
hi peeps
Sep 2018 · 707
Helena Sep 2018
Looking for the mirrors in your
crystal eyes
I was only, softly, trying
to break this glass of lies
broken knuckles, dyed in crimson
lack of friction, moves my core
wish I could drown in your prison
drown in the smell of our before

my heart again like candle-wax
melting away with you
I can no longer write
I can no longer speak
Without feeling blue
my wicked mind (these days)
seems rather obtuse

And I feel a piece of the rain is lost
only your rough mouth
ever made me feel soft
Aug 2018 · 379
Helena Aug 2018
lord knows she´s been places
each shy smile, a metaphor
pair of doe eyes
breaking through the centerfold
she´s the sweetest, pure confection
of your fantasies

rid yourself of ***** purities
teenage ******* dry martini
enticing tragedy
wood on furnace

lovely dove
of tender bareness
fulfill his urgence
breathe him airless

s kirt.
Aug 2018 · 17.5k
sorry if I seem quiet
Helena Aug 2018
I'm a shameless liar
lost in translation
consumed by the fire
Trying to see through the haze
exhaling is dire
I was counting on you to find
My Telephone wire

But don't worry, love
Any words I could have said have been said (before)
So sorry if I seem quiet tonight, love
the trembling in my voice
Shaking lips and broken words
Are worth the itching in my tongue
Aug 2018 · 3.4k
Helena Aug 2018
Crisp leaves fall down her spine
Shedding the youthful look
Of her once
Tangerine-tainted shine

Her body shreds but trunk keeps growing
Her hungry hands, unwilled, unknowing
look for the tang, the sweetness
She once held between her thighs

Amidst the cruel winter
Thoughts invaded her spine
But she grew and grew till she
Outgrew her mind

What a wonderful thing
Jul 2018 · 1.7k
Helena Jul 2018
The sun was dawning on her shoulders
but her spine, worn
did not feel the burn

Her tears dripped into the
into the sponge
and the soap (lemongrass)
burned bruised hands
with the sting of lost hope

But Maria was  a wish
amid a crowd of stars
and those blissful days of
beyond the shore
Were not as far

And after thinking for a while
she nodded with a smile
and the sun faded away
but she felt warm inside

her house.
Jul 2018 · 700
magazine bby
Helena Jul 2018
Life does not reward
Or looking cool
smoking a cigar
When you look away
No one's looking at you

You act so nonchalant
And spend so much time
(your speech)
You've forgotten what you meant
To say
Jul 2018 · 567
Helena Jul 2018
On the way  home
I saw a giant billboard
and it said
"being a millionaire is just a few
clicks away"
And through tainted windows
I saw millions
clicking away
and the drivers
angry at the traffic

and i wondered
if maybe we should
teach our kids
to count to one million
reasons to be alive
Jul 2018 · 817
Helena Jul 2018
when your eyes
start turning green
and the dawning sun
lays dead upon them
You will ask about my dream
And I will tell you

When words don't suffice
to fill the voided skies
Between worlds built
On separate minds
And then I'll try

When the rivers run too
And you no longer listen
Jun 2018 · 324
Broken ribs
Helena Jun 2018
Take a jab at the sinner
Weeping in the corner,
lips pursed in fear
and knuckles bruised

Cut the skin of the bleeder
with the
Sounds of broken ribs
And **** truths

(they were made just for him
In your workshop)
Jun 2018 · 286
The artist
Helena Jun 2018
He lost his inspiration
Living in the nation
Where imagination
Survives on starvation
And words are silenced
With  hand-rolled cigarretes
And by the loudness of the street
And the sounds of family members
Passively shaking their head
As he told them what he majored in

words don't heal the pain
Jun 2018 · 398
Helena Jun 2018
Like a cat holding on
To the edge of a bathtub
I'm drowning
In the sea of Neptune's eyes

I'm waiting for cognac to decipher
hidden meanings in the hands
That scrape my thighs

and I don't want to sink
in the breathless brink
of schoolgirl lies
and I don´t want to blink
cause I might start to think
of Neptune´s crystal skies
Jun 2018 · 275
Helena Jun 2018
There is no
sweeter innocence
than the distress
by the gentle rythm
of your torture
There is no cleaner
sound than the words
pouring out of your
There are no lines between us tonight
no lines in between
(purity and sin)
Jun 2018 · 358
For toddlers
Helena Jun 2018
looking out through rose-tainted windows
and peach-skin dreams.
the world around you
(you´re such a good boy)
is such a new thing
and you haven´t got the time
(it´s time to leave the playground now)
to waste on all these simple things
like figurines on icy roller rinks
or wet flamingos in bright pinks
shining like the stars that
the darkness out of the night

the world around you
fairly new
might seem too small
for all your dreams to
(you can be anything)
and it is
the ()`s are common phrases we say to toddlers
sort of a weird poem :)
May 2018 · 523
paper doll
Helena May 2018
dress me up dear
skin me with your eraser
you can´t rip me apart
i´m recyclable (paper)
short one :)
May 2018 · 42.7k
yellow flowers
Helena May 2018
like yellow flowers
on faded dreams
you came to me
with the soothing voice
of a sweaty spring
thank you, old friend
for being able to be
dark enough to see
the hidden light
in me

i will not go into the times we shared
asphyxia and summer air
juxtaposed to form
an inseparable pair

who am I, old friend
when the ship´s horn blares
if you made me who I am
(if you made me scarce)

like yellow flowers
on faded dreams
you left me
softly, without
any warning of
the lack of color
(there would be)
without your splendor
May 2018 · 1.8k
on failing
Helena May 2018
the proud moments of greatness
seem much louder than
the strenuous, arduous

                                  But it is then
                      when our bodies collapse
                    and the crowd no longer claps
                     that the brevity of stars is felt
                 and the call of the siren is heard
              rising from the depths of our humanity
( it is only then we learn
that no being deserves disregard
nor should be made a deity
for failing is part of the duality  
that comes with the mortal experience)
May 2018 · 321
on the first "i love you"
Helena May 2018
three words
on the tip
of a nervous tongue
the not-so-subtle
down a worn out
the words pour out
(like if my body
was the stove)
burning any semblance
May 2018 · 517
Death of a Lieutenant
Helena May 2018
Underneath the bridge lays the lieutenant
his body crushed on ****** snow
and as people pass, like river- flow
crimson flowers are staining the pavement

Oh, sewer thread his death gently
for his clothes have been u n s t i t c h e d before
Oh, reaper spare your axe deadly
His mother did not want him in that war

For the tenant did have his days of spring
with jumping crickets and bicycle dreams
before life took away
his everything
and turned his toy guns into screams
and pressed the bullet underneath his chin
Apr 2018 · 274
no point in the middle
Helena Apr 2018
the lights are off
under my sheets
devils heat
I take them off
the air is cold
and now my body
Apr 2018 · 262
nothing more
Helena Apr 2018
I´m nothing more than a cluster of bone
and nerve, and meat
I´m nothing more than fresh wood
just before the burning heat
I´m nothing more
than the soil beneath my feet
I´m nothing more
than the pounding sound
of a drumbeat
Apr 2018 · 3.0k
bitter honey
Helena Apr 2018
My cherry lips
Might start tasting like
And my tongue
Might freeze yours
With crimson shaved ice
You will soon realize lover
My tights are not worth the sacrifice

Bubblegum dreams
Like schoolgirl straps
Are easily popped
If you take one more step
Know I wont know where to stop
Run before i chase you down
Before I start to cry
Before you get the chance to taste
My teenage girl delight

You find me obedient
Sippin on a diabolo menthe
And you want to call me yours
But theres another in your arms
So now shiver in my warmth
for one last day
Run away and don´t look back
before I ask you to stay

— The End —