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growingpains Jan 2019
I became the person I hated
Longing for the day you’ll notice my absence
Who am I to feel so entitled to your joy?
Maybe it’s because I only saw mine with yours
Questions I asked myself in the past.
Much love,
N.
growingpains Jan 2019
I looked at you,
as if you were someone new
and that's when I knew
I had been freed from the blues
that you left me to deal with,
and it was overdue.
Just a few thoughts before I go to sleep.
Much love,
N.
growingpains Jan 2019
you were the best thing that could have happened to me in the most horrible ways and,
the end of us was fruitful in lessons,
showing me that my vulnerability should manifest itself in moments of weakness and strength.
Losing you was the biggest gain and I thank your apathy for it all.
I wish you the best, it's true
and I hope you find comfort with the troubles that shake you to your core.
blessings in disguise keep on coming my way and i'm starting to unravel their meaning.

Much love,
N.
growingpains Nov 2018
You’re either here or you're out
Don’t go back in forth into my life
You can’t care
Here and there
Just to ease your peace of mind
This is just a random one I had in my notes
Much love, N.
growingpains Nov 2018
I just want to feel like the weather felt today
Through the preparations of its usual rituals
Fixing up details for the show

I just want to feel like the sun felt today

As it fought through the blues, the feathery whites and the greys
As we fought through nightmares of struggle, hurdles and pain

I just want to feel like weather felt today

As it prepared for the smiles, the praise
& for the ungrateful complaints
As it reminded us that light could solve the biggest heartaches
Only if we allowed it to stay

I just want to feel like the sun felt today

As it shun through the red, the oranges and the yellow
Reminding us that green was for another tomorrow
That change was amongst us but it was acceptable to wallow
That life works in a cycle

I just want to feel like the weather felt today

As I exited my home, trying to walk it away
Leaving the sunglasses behind, soaking in the light that shun my way
fall autumn sunny day pain changes better positive
growingpains Oct 2018
I am embracing
The past and its memories
And the future and it’s many possibilities
The disbelief of this dream
That happiness is only when you’re with me
That happiness loses sense as you leave
And I’ve come to understand the power enabled in me
As I realize that happiness will find me
Even without you here
Just a little something while I go back to studying for mid-terms. Wish me luck and have a great rest of the week.

Much love, N.
growingpains Sep 2018
home
noun  \ ˈhōm \

Definition of ‘home’
a: one's place of residence
b: a familiar or usual setting: congenial environment; also: the focus of one's domestic attention

• home is where the heart is

Home is a word loaded with meaning, with feeling. The word itself vanishes so quickly into thin air, you’d think it wasn’t even spoken.

Home: a sound of a peaceful hum, of tranquility and peace.

Home is where the heart is,

where the chaos settles, where the stress shouldn’t dare come in. Often, we build ourselves in occupied fields. We plant our walls, furnish our space and sigh joyfully as we sit comfortably thinking home is where another person lives. Our growth becomes dependent of theirs and stops soaring with the limit of their confined being. The space in which their body expands becomes our sky, our limit. Sometimes we lose ourselves in the way that person gets ahead in life, we think their way is the only way and we start to follow. Their words, their mannerisms, their points of view and their habits become our points of reference on how to operate and we lose sight of our individuality. We lose sight of our being.

Home: a soothing sound trapped in a controlled and now, rigid mind. A sound that forgot how to stand tall and leans onto someone to vibrate, to sing.

Have you ever thought about home being yourself? Have you ever thought of living, growing and experiencing things for your own sake? Heal the wounds you’ve looked for people to heal, take care of the seeds you’ve planted in your own garden so that the grass gets greener on your side. Make a home out of yourself, bring back that peaceful hum.
home: somewhere I'm headed back to.
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