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mint Dec 2017
***
it wont ever be the same again

it wont

i can see the cracks inbetween the minutes

there is no turning back to the way we were

and i miss you

i *******

miss you
Please just love me again
mint Dec 2017
there’s a gouging hole where my chest used to be
ever since the moment i met you
a tiny piece of me has crumbled and fallen to the floor
leaving trails of myself as i pass
and over the months as i have been chipped away at
my soul
has emptied

i’ve grown tired of the pain
i’ve grown tired of the wanting and the longing

i’ve rushed to pick up pieces of myself again but i found that they don’t fit

i am not the same anymore

we are not the same

nothing will be like it was
these months have sloshed like water, up and down and now the water is gone
a new tide has come in

and i don’t know how to fit here in these waters
what to expect from them

acceptance rolls in between my fingers
touching my skin and begging to be absorbed
this past month i have been playing with it in my hands, feeling its tacky sticky texture

it promises no returns, only a way to pick up my pieces again and fill in the gaps you left, with it’s presence

i lay on the ground
water laps at my body and pushes bits of me into the holes they once occupied

i lay

my hand is now covered in it, the acceptance

i lay in the slowness, the grey sounds of the water filling my ear and there is nothing i can do but wait

wait for the acceptance to over take my body
wait for myself to be whole again

i remember your face and i wonder how that’s ever possible

and yet here i am, being put back together and remedied

here i am


waiting for my impossibilities to soak into my skin and become possible

here i am
i dont know how to get over her but i will, its happening, i just have to wait
mint Dec 2017
love is not enough
this was beyond my comprehension
love i thought was all consuming
eternal
that when you fall in love
it was everything
became
everything

and how can everything- not be enough?

and love was the way i thought
all consuming
every moment of my life started and ended with her
every time i wanted it was for her
to touch, hold, kiss
she snaked her way into my future and gripped tightly
i never wanted her to let go
and love
became my entire soul
to my core, a glowing white bulb of pure energy and light
and it felt like so much more than enough
it felt like floating
it felt like life

i had to remind myself that she loved me

then it became clear
when i was chanting meaningless words to calm myself, she loves me, she loves me, she-

everything- felt so small

you loved me

I believe you

and still you are miles and miles away and my love that felt boundless, endless

wasn’t enough

not for you

I love you, but-

but

I didn’t hear you when you said it
I wish I did
When you said-

But I know I can’t do this

i wish i had heard your words when my everything
became nothing
When the camera zoomed out on my life and i realized how small i was

comprehension

love is not enough
ah,, feel free to leave feedback aha
mint Dec 2017
i think of what i was looking forward to this season
most of it was you
untouched promises of kisses under the mistletoe
we were too far away to pull through
shattered remembrances of my love are swirling in my brain  
something i bet doesn’t happen to you
heartbreak is the flavor this season
it always has been but now i can add onto the list of reasons

you
Falling in love with you was something I shouldn’t have done
mint Dec 2017
I have looped around this garden for days
Returning to thorny bushes that scrape my skin
Returning to soft sweet scented flowers
Untouchable but tempting
My legs grow tired
I am weak
And yet I walk this circle constantly
Unending
Never stopping
Ruthless cycles
I have become a slave to selfishness
Reaching for the softness, the beauty of the flowers
To touch their petals with careful hands
Hold them to my lips and feel all that I can
Unreachable but seeable and so I see
I walk to see
And see again
And as I start the next turn my heart only longs
To see more
I pass by the thorns
I am trailing blood
Just please let me touch
Let me come back to the flowers
So the walk does not stop
The loop is unending
I **** myself slowly
My weapon, is want
i just miss her so much,, i want her so badly and i know its selfish but i just cant stop wanting her agh god
mint Dec 2017
You are no longer tethered to me
To dreams that don’t belong to you
They are mine again

I am mine again
i want to be mine again maybe if i say it hard enough. ,,,
mint Dec 2017
i thought i wanted you
the romance and love
and i do
but we had it
it was lovely for a week
and then the world came apart bit by bit
you were never able to give
not completely
now we’re friends and i thought I wouldn’t be able to deal
i thought my heart would feel never feel whole again
but i think of you
and i still smile
i think of you and your wonderfulness and
im so full of love
maybe you’ll never be with me again
and maybe
thats ok
because at least you’ll be in my life at all
and that’s enough

you are always enough
Mmm i dont feel this way anymore aha but i still wanna post
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