My broken heart froze that day last year
They warned me it would happen
You are the reason I'm sitting here now
Chasing thoughts as cheeks dampen

Know I should not blame you for the tears
We are equally in the wrong
Try though I may to distract myself
You are all my mind can focus on

When you left for rehab in Florida
Like shattered glass pain began multiplying
My world crumbled even more
When I discovered you were lying

Something deep inside involuntarily snapped
What was tightly wound dangles loose
On that swaying heartstring read one word: "goodbye"
Carved meticulously into my recycled noose

Hanging myself with self-inflicted emotion
It was more than just a suicide
Because the instant I killed myself
Our beautiful love also died

You must love me because nothing else makes sense
Kind words you say rarely sneak past my defense
Yet you patiently compliment me daily
Even on days I am ungrateful or crazy
Sometimes feel like I treat you unfair
Or think I would prefer not having you there
I wish I didn't care about you so much
Reacting angrily when you revoke your touch
You reflect the same doting affection
Your pupils are reluctant to gaze my direction
So do not pretend that after all these years you still feel the same
Don't know when or how or what exactly-but something's changed
Because it's obvious you love me by the way you tell me and how you act
No one else would have stayed this long and that's a fact
And it brings so much shame to watch your sad face stick around
Hold on out of concern for the love to which it's bound
But when begged to do what's right for you and go far away
You never fail to find an even better reason to stay
I push you away from me in fear one of us will get hurt
Scared getting close is pointless cause we'll never work
And right when I'm about to pass the point where it's too late
I turn around realizing I'm making a mistake
Again and again the cycle repeats
You never surrender or admit defeat
I need to accept your love isn't fading
No matter how much I deserve degrading
Not one single thing I've done to prove he depths of my attraction
You are alright giving me your whole focus when you only get a fraction
Why can't I provide the security you need?
Used to be able to do anything for you to succeed
Now I have lost all motivation and hope
Remembering how I once was able to control stifled rage and cope
I can be cold and often don't play fair
More than anything I am grateful to have you there
Sometimes get mad at you when it's not your fault
Assumptions spark a critical verbal assault
When angry "I love you" is so hard to say
We are best friends but it doesn't always feel that way
Lately feel excluded from your present life
Can't wait to be free of your soon-to-be-ex-wife
To wake from the nightmare I accidentally created
Eyes opening to a day where I am just someone you dated
A morning where love hasn't got you wrapped in chains
Not obligated to handle my pains
Maybe that Dawn will arrive; hopefully not
I will do my best and our happy ending I will plot
I'll make you proud, we will finally be
The happy family so unfamiliar to me
Please be patient my love, soon we will laugh and smile
Life is so ****** up right now, you make it more worthwhile
Believing your words though difficult to hear
Because if you didn't love me you wouldn't be here

I am fallen, cast out and freezing

Surrounded by dark space and black holes neither I nor light can escape

Trauma, depression...regrets my new normal.

I try to cry, but these tears, as quickly as they drip, dry.

I hate being nostalgic, for the nostalgia causing memories are like the dirt suspended in the air I breathe... sickening, and only serve to trigger my asthma.

You were the reason I used to feel alive,
The one thing that motivated me to breath in and to breath out

I still remember how we used to sit outside, or at times lay on the green fields, soul naked staring at the star lit sky.

   How time used to have no meaning,
I mean, we would stay up all night, with hopes of seeing a shooting star, only to wish for another shooting star, when we saw one, so that we never run out of wishes.

How you'd point at the constellations, and how you never stopped naming them: Orion, Aquila, Scutum, Ophiuchus, Serpens, Lupus...saying out their names with the same passion you used to say my name, to say I LOVE YOU.

     Our love burnt with such remarkable desire, a fervent only depicted in soaps.

  Her lips were beautiful,
Her words sweet, soft spoken and warm.
Her eyes shy,
Her dimples deep
And her skin dark and smooth like the water pebbles.

We fell in love fast
We lived carefree, with no regards to rules or consequences, for we were young and "ride or die" our brag.

But we also fell apart fast.
We, who were each others angel dust, were left at the mercies of strong unseen forces...like desert sand in the awakening of a sandstorm.

Maybe it was because of the words left untold, the apologies that went unspoken...the sweet pride that turned too bitter to swallow... maybe, it was all of the above.
However invisible, their impacts very tangible.

It's funny, how we who were inseparable, now eye each other like strangers.

Our paths appear cursed, with no hope of ever crossing,
And just like the polar bears and penguins,
We see the world from opposite ends.

You used to fill my world with colours: bright and attractive.
But when you stepped out, darkness hurriedly stepped in, and engulfed everything I held sacred.

My life remains without light, however faint, like the heart of a night on a new moon.

I should accept defeat, turn the other cheek for a second slap but,
I have come to understand that even the dull colours are bright to a blind painter.

So I will love you,
When you are far or near,
When you are a foe or the one who's dear,
For we may fight, fall and rise with the tide,
Bend or sometimes, even break,
But I will never give up on you.
You are my silver lining...
And I believe just like the phoenix, ashes are our birthplace.

So no matter how much you hide, I will always seek you like the morning does the sun
And no matter how far you are, I will always be waiting for you, patiently, like the wolf does the full moon
       I will never give up on you,
For I still believe our love, will once again be seen, like the sun at noon.