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Jun 2019
I am fallen, cast out and freezing

Surrounded by dark space and black holes neither I nor light can escape

Trauma, depression...regrets my new normal.

I try to cry, but these tears, as quickly as they drip, dry.

I hate being nostalgic, for the nostalgia causing memories are like the dirt suspended in the air I breathe... sickening, and only serve to trigger my asthma.

You were the reason I used to feel alive,
The one thing that motivated me to breath in and to breath out

I still remember how we used to sit outside, or at times lay on the green fields, soul naked staring at the star lit sky.

   How time used to have no meaning,
I mean, we would stay up all night, with hopes of seeing a shooting star, only to wish for another shooting star, when we saw one, so that we never run out of wishes.

How you'd point at the constellations, and how you never stopped naming them: Orion, Aquila, Scutum, Ophiuchus, Serpens, Lupus...saying out their names with the same passion you used to say my name, to say I LOVE YOU.

     Our love burnt with such remarkable desire, a fervent only depicted in soaps.

  Her lips were beautiful,
Her words sweet, soft spoken and warm.
Her eyes shy,
Her dimples deep
And her skin dark and smooth like the water pebbles.

We fell in love fast
We lived carefree, with no regards to rules or consequences, for we were young and "ride or die" our brag.

But we also fell apart fast.
We, who were each others angel dust, were left at the mercies of strong unseen desert sand in the awakening of a sandstorm.

Maybe it was because of the words left untold, the apologies that went unspoken...the sweet pride that turned too bitter to swallow... maybe, it was all of the above.
However invisible, their impacts very tangible.

It's funny, how we who were inseparable, now eye each other like strangers.

Our paths appear cursed, with no hope of ever crossing,
And just like the polar bears and penguins,
We see the world from opposite ends.

You used to fill my world with colours: bright and attractive.
But when you stepped out, darkness hurriedly stepped in, and engulfed everything I held sacred.

My life remains without light, however faint, like the heart of a night on a new moon.

I should accept defeat, turn the other cheek for a second slap but,
I have come to understand that even the dull colours are bright to a blind painter.

So I will love you,
When you are far or near,
When you are a foe or the one who's dear,
For we may fight, fall and rise with the tide,
Bend or sometimes, even break,
But I will never give up on you.
You are my silver lining...
And I believe just like the phoenix, ashes are our birthplace.

So no matter how much you hide, I will always seek you like the morning does the sun
And no matter how far you are, I will always be waiting for you, patiently, like the wolf does the full moon
       I will never give up on you,
For I still believe our love, will once again be seen, like the sun at noon.
Written by
Eric Angels  M/Kenya
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