there's no honesty in honesty anymore, or at least that's how it feels
because you promised me a million things and i believed the words leaving your mouth were more to you than spitting gristle.
people like you are the reason i swore off meat; you always bite off more than you can chew then blame anyone except yourself when you choke
it took me fifteen years but i wised up to the poisons i was being force fed by people who said they wanted me healthy but really just wanted me to empty my pockets
i hope you made your fortune when you coined me false truths seasoned to look like everything i'd ever need to live,
because becoming self-sufficient was the kindest thing i ever did for myself, and now i'll never spend another penny trying to swallow self-hatred in the hopes of nourishing you with love

If the world
Stood still,
Stuck at 3am,

I'd be content
So long as
You were awake with me.

I've always known
That I'd die in a car accident
Someway
Somehow,

And beneath the
Silent flicks of lightning
Stretching across
A plaster sealed sky,

The world stood still,
Molded out of clay
And gasping for air
Like a drizzled flower petal
Suspended in time,

For a moment so fleeting
It nearly escaped me,
I hoped some drunken
Speeding car
Would smash right into me,

For once not because of the
Complexity and dismemberment of it all,

But because I was okay with dying
In some moment where it all made sense.

it really *****
that the ones i loved the most
have become the people i feel the worst around

i can't settle, so it's just stomach aches
and biting my tongue

i hope you notice the change

and i hope it burns you as much as it wounded me
​​​​​​​when you realise you lost the trust i put in you

i feel it, it's returned
the desire i swore i'd never have again
falling into bed with her once more,
and though she hasn't kissed my wrists
i can feel the phantom throbbing;
she pulses her way through my veins, keeps me weak
has me sobbing

my sweet, sadistic lover
"did you really think it was over?"
i hoped, i dreamed
but it fell apart in my hands and now i'm down to my knees
she curls around my back, murmurs melancholy melodies 'til my head hurts and my ears ring
"i told you you'd never live without me"
perfect, twisted irony

her fingertips are scorching; i can feel the scars forming
but i'm so cold it's paralysing
the ice is deafening—i can't hear reason
her touch is the allure that leaves me reeling
i wish i had the courage to end this, but i'm a coward, scared and weak and collapsing
like lungs, and i can't breathe for screaming

i said she'd never win but losing feels so tempting

may you never be satisfied with having the world;
i hope you find happiness
and continue to search for more.
this world, though beautiful, could never be reward enough
for you.
seek the stars.

touch me not, but also do
i hate your hands but i love them, too
proceed with caution, i know not how to trust
and when i say so: stop, you must
a brush of fingers might make me flinch
but if you give a mile, i might give an inch
i know i'm difficult, there's little to admire
but if you stay, you'll see through my ire
i'm trying to learn, to understand love
to figure out that touch isn't to be afraid of
i want to learn how to be in love
and i think you just might be the one
with whom i'll make it to the long run
so touch me now, i'll touch you too
because these eyes are seeing you
and i never want them to close again
i think you're my happy never end