Composed: 2:56 A.M., 7-20-14*

Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I just woke up from a dream that I saw you in, but you never looked at me and it felt as if I was looking at a stranger and when I woke up I thought about how it feels as if years have passed since I've last spoken to you when in reality it has been weeks and I feel like I'm losing you and I can't quite remember how your eyes crinkle when you laugh or the exact shade of your blue eyes but I can remember how your smile literally made most of my days and to be painfully honest I've been missing you from day one and I just really want to see you but I feel August is just too far away and I wish I could call you to hear your voice just once, but I won't cause I don't want to annoy you. Anyways, love you. Sleep well.*


My thumb hovered over the send button,
But in the end I knew
You would feel uncomfortable
If I sent this to you

So I pushed the home button,
Locked my phone,
And once again attempted sleep
To see if I could dream of you again.

What color describes
The love between
You and me?

I'd say purple

Our love,
It's not quite red
It's more like blue
But not all the way

Cause sometimes we're hot
And I feel the red hot electricity
And you can see it in my face

But we're also sometimes cold
And I feel the indifference from the blue of your eyes
And you can see me drawing back

But the cycle goes over an over
All in all
It never stops
Red
To blue
To red
To blue

So I'd say purple
Such a lovely color
Wouldn't you agree?

And let's stay here
In our purple little romance
And live out our days
Under purple skies

Just you and me.




(Plus, you look pretty hot in purple)

Let's recreate
The beautiful moment
That I believe
I fell in love with you.

It was November the second,
Two thousand thirteen
And of all days,
It was a band competition.

An important one,
A Bands of America Regional
In the lovely
St. George, Utah.

I don't remember the weather,
And I don't know whether
Or not it's the same for you,
But this is what I recollect:


We had performed in finals,
As we were so surprised to do so
Our preliminary performance
Not being so great.
But finals was great.
It was my best performance so far
And that feeling I felt
When I stepped off that turf;
Magical.

We put our instruments onto our semi
"Optimus Pride," as we call it
We put our hats away
And received instructions to go get dinner.

I found you immediately
I believe promising you to hang out
After we stepped off
So I could tell you how everything would go down
You're a freshman, after all
Your first BOA.
I had been telling you all sorts of little
Tips and tricks this season anyway
And you were willing to listen and take heed.

Anyway,
We met up.
And we both felt this
Hype.

A most magical Hype.
A high higher than any high from any drug
And we were crazed;
Band does this sort of thing so some, such as us.

And so we went around
Hugging others who were also feeling the Hype
And talking about hopes of high placements
For Full Retreat,
And how I had promised you
We would go around and talk to the other bands
And go meet their trombone sections

But I remember
In the Hype
The look that was in your beautiful eyes
Almost a craze
And in love sort of look.
And that was when I realized you've finally found the magic.
That was when I knew you were in love with this dorky activity
Just as much as I.



And that was what made me fall in love with you.



That look.
And it wasn't even reserved for me
But I knew you felt passionate about something
That I too felt passion for.

That look.
Now that I've been thinking about it,
I can't get it out of my head.

That look.
Now that I've been thinking about it,
I realized I haven't seen it since then
For whatever reason.

And I miss it.
I want to see it again.
I need to see it again.
And it is lovely and all what that look was originally meant for
But I'm hopelessly wishing
That that look could
Be reserved for me
And that that look meant that
You were in love with me.

But of course,
Things almost never work in my favor,
And that's okay
I'll get over it

And until then,
I'll see that look
Whenever I close my eyes
And relish the memories I have
Of that wonderful
Autumn day.


That you for sharing that moment with me.

.1. people change


.2. life goes on

They make me undone
Like a ball of yarn
I slowly roll away
Deteriorating,
Losing my sense of balance
It's hard to stand straight
Even with the help of your arm
I can't help but fall
             Fall
                       Fall
                                 Down
                       Down
            Down

And here I am
On the ground again
But it's nice here
Why don't we stay awhile?
And watch the stars
How they twinkle just for us
We'll be all right
At least I hope

12/37/14



Our love flourished in the winter
In a place where it never really got cold
Your eyes were always icicles
And your smell like winter wind

You come off as cold
But maybe as winter progresses toward spring
And life reveals itself from under its snow blanket
You heart too will awaken

Unbeautiful, unbeautiful
Unhandsome and unimportant
This one goes out to the losers
All the liars and the thieves
And the wannabe beauty queens

You're never going to shine
Not even for a little bit
So get off the stage
Before the booing crowds take seize
Unbeautiful, unbeautiful
This one goes out to me.

If you were to ask me
How I would describe myself
With two words
That's what I'd say

I never thought I'd get this attached to you
Never thought I'd get this attached to anybody
But it seems we're sewn at the hip
Never one without the other
We just go together
And as cliché as it is
Peanut butter and jelly
Coffee and cream
This is us
And do not try to deny it
I can see how you search for me
How you find things to share with me
How you are just as attached to me as I to you
Do not deny
That you feel something
In that icy little heart of yours
A heart that is warming up during the coldest part of the year
Do not deny
You feel something toward me

I've been missing the ocean often

So I'll just look in your eyes again.

I* see now.
Don't pretend you care, because I'm
Quite sure I can live. Please
Understand that I'm not a Saint.
Please, don't wait for me, I'll
Explain later on, when the time is right.
It doesn't matter. Do you need to hear this
Again**?

Meeting you was fate.
Allowing you to get underneath my skin,
Releasing all my kept away secrets,
Saving my best for you,
Hoping the feeling would be mutual,
Allowing myself to get lost,
Losing you for the better of us all, and then
Letting it all go?

Completely and utterly beyond my control.

You beat me to the punchline
And gave me a black eye
With your lack of eye contact
Whenever you speak to me
Which isn't speaking
You say two words
Two. Words.
Hi.
And yeah.
Two ******* words.
Add some more
I can't remember your voice
Look me in the eyes
I can't remember their color
Do something!
Say **something!

By this time next week
I will either be loving life
               Or hating it

I will take a chance
Much like the chance I took
               Ages ago it seems

The chance that
****** me up
                For nearly two months

This chance can
**** me up
                  For forever

So by this time next week
I will either be writing happy poems
                   Or frustrated poems.

This Saturday will decide.

I like it when you're tired
And when your thoughts and words go
Go go go
And never stop.
They're unfiltered
So I see the true you
All your crazy thoughts
Your weird plans
               We should invent an artificial sun
                               that runs on solar power!
And we act foolish
Completely immature and playful
And I get to see your crinkly-eyed smile
And hear your hushed giggles
Whenever you laugh at the silliest things
And it's truly beautiful

There's still something there
I lied when I had said
Nothing
But nothing
The spark that was there between us
It still exists
It is not dead
The glowing embers
Are slowly coming back to life
As we play War
And laugh at eachother's stories
These glowing embers
Will soon grow to a wildfire
And burn everything in its path
Cause the pull of out hearts
They're stretching again
The rubber bands between us
Are making us snap back together again
Dont break the elastic

Don't break me

And I promise to do the same

Poetry
Poetr
Poet
Poe
Po
P
Pl
Ple
Plea
Plea
Pleas
Please
Please?

I want to show you
All my writings
I want you to see
All my poetry
And point out to you
How many you were the inspiration behind
How many hold your face behind the words
How many cherish your laughter through their lines
And how many wouldn't be there without you

But I'm afraid
I'm terribly, terribly frightened
You won't understand
Or you won't care
That it wouldn't make any difference
You would hear my words
It'd go right over your head
Or you'd say
"Really, that's interesting."
And go back to your video game

*I just wish I could show you my world through my words.

To be completely honest
I've been feeling quite like a ghost lately
Like I'm empty
And the only time I'm feeling
Only halfway normal, halfway full
Is when I'm around you.