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When the beating sun can't warm my clammy skin.
I am losing this **** fight.
I see her smirk, she knows what I know.
She alone can make me right.
And though I reap just what I sow,
I never thought my chest could feel so tight.
All at once I hear her say, "You can give up, That's okay."
I finally look into her eyes,
She who brought me to my knees.
Suddenly the fight within me dies.
I sink beneath her comfort seas.
 Jun 2016 Emily Kabel
Just Me R
I would rather feel hate
Than feel nothing at all
In an emotional state
Not an empty vessel
 May 2016 Emily Kabel
aar505n
Last night I melted into you -
Didn't I?

It felt like an eternity
It felt like a river flowing
Into an intense tranquility

Uncertainty tries to
unhing my sanity
But I know what I know
To be true
I flowed into you
Until we became one
And for once -
I didn't feel a lone

Because I knew -
I knew this is where
I belonged.

-
I feel your bones like my own for we are one
 May 2016 Emily Kabel
Q
Sitting on my own but not necessarily alone
My mind roams and eats me down to blood and bones.
With eyes watery and wet though no tears have fallen yet
I set my jaw against the first tinglings of regret.

If I am hurting it will fade, without assistance from a blade
Box the guilt carefully away and place it back from where it came.
If I am unsteady I will find balance without a plea
And rely on no one but myself to help right me.

Sitting with memories and regrets and possibilities
Sitting with the jealousy and shame and the whole of me.
Making temporary peace with the little things if only to sleep
In full awareness that they still creep where my thoughts run deep.
meh
In boundless night
And ceaseless day
Through churning winds
Of endless grey

Shall I march on
Weak and alone
To one day stand
Before the throne

And when at last
I see that place
I'll close my eyes,
Cover my face

Saying the words
I've known since birth
That resonate
Within the earth

"What is what was
Again shall be
From time since past
Eternity"
16... what an age
still sweet and innocent
but with the deadly secret
voices in your head
dark circles under your eyes
blood stained wrists

17 wont be much better
depression taking its toll
pain medication becoming
your best friend
hiding behind a smile

remember all those times
when you didnt care
what you looked like
or what you wore?
when you genuinely smiled
and laughed

those were the good times...

16.. and everyone knows you
the happy bubbly girl
with an amazing smile
and big brown eyes

17.. with the reputation
of local girl
who takes own life
no one knew she was depressed
until it was too late

unable to make it to
her 18th birthday.

a smile hides 1000 feelings
until its too late
until she is gone
and becomes news
on everyone's lips
me.
(All poems original Copyright of Eva Denali Will © 2015, 2016)
 May 2016 Emily Kabel
Brianna
He told me once he would name our daughter after the places we had been or flowers he picked for me.

He said he would name her Carolina, not Caroline, and he would remember those humid summer nights we spent watching the sunset.

He said he'd name her Daisy, because he knew my favorite was flowers and he would buy her anything she desired to make her as happy as me.

He told me this once, a long time ago, back when we were young and before we really thought about life. Back before I knew what I wanted and *** to react when he said he wanted kids.

I told him I hoped our son has his green eyes and his sandy blonde, but turning darker each year, hair.

I told him I hoped our son had his spark and his sarcastic smile so I could always remember he had the good pieces of his father, the parts I laughed about.

I told him that before things changed, before we both spun out of control and closer to the flames.

Now we sit on opposite sides of the country and we talk to different people about kids and love. And we wonder, where things could have been if we hadn't become so lost in ourselves  for once.
Ask me why im still here?
why i even bother?
why i try?

ask me questions you know
will break me,
tear me apart
hurt me.

ask me all those questions!
who am i?
where did i come from?
do i deserve to be here?

ask me go ahead..
why did i attempt suicide?
why do i have cuts riddling my body?
why did i **** myself?

well guess what.... they are all questions
i dont have the answers for!
What it i was the perfect girl,
the one with the straight blonde
hair and the perfect smile,
the skinny hourglass figure,
pretty face, perfect skin.

what if?
would you love
me if i looked like
her!
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