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 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
L'appel du Vide
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
open space compels you
forward
walking into lakes and oceans
trigger pulling aim true
from the shallow end to the buoys
keep going, the sea whispers
find the deepest end
submerge
jump from the bridge
they won't notice you're gone
buried in ice water, frozen
chasing the moving horizon
push and pull of waves against body
you're in too deep now
thunder in the distance
black clouds shoot lightning
you close your eyes
wait for it to end
wait for it
wait
a voice says
you won't drown
you feel fingers, pulling you up
helping your body float
their lips touch yours
oxygen transferred resuscitate
together, you see a still surface
you have never been happier
to be corporeal
to have arms and legs
than at that very moment
you realize that you can touch
the person who rescued you
you realize their waves
will carry you back
to shore
home
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
Deca(y)de
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
you hold on so tightly that I suffocate
when I find the courage to escape
you delineate and debate
why can't enough be enough?
why not be happy with what we had?
we've been through thin and tough
we've experienced life's worst and survived
but sometimes love isn't enough
I've been bursting at the seams, deprived
maybe my happiness is selfish and weak
I could be undeserving of joy again
but I won't know unless I leave and seek
so please, I beg you, let me go
it'll hurt like hell for a while
but I know with time we will both grow
leaving a happy life of friendship and incompatibility after a decade feels impossible when one person is perfectly content, even when the other is perfectly miserable.
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
Do Not Read
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
do not read this poem
it is not made for you
this poem is a secret untold
of a memory I rarely think of
that was resurrected today
and I am the only one who knows it
and this poem is for me alone

I was maybe 5 years old and I both
do and don't remember her falling
spilling out of the giant porch window
like a slippery black fish out of water
and I do and don't remember seeing blood
on the snow and sidewalk and the sound
first of the fall, then someone opening the door
and I didn't understand where she went
instead, I stayed with my grandmother
who told me it was my fault she jumped
she didn't love me any more and I was bad
that she wouldn't be back for me
and I believed it, of course, it made sense
some of us are just born wicked, I knew
I have always been wretched, inhumane
she said she first noticed the evil in me
when I was very little, behind my dead eyes
that it was always there inside of me
so I knew the only way to rid myself
of my own evil was to do the same thing
she had done, all those years ago
so I wrote a letter and labelled it
Do Not Read
the last letter I ever thought I'd have to write
and it's a sad sort of irony that I would be
paying homage to someone who hated me so
but the black fishes and spirits from beyond
never came for me, and I wondered if
the worst punishment of all would be
to continue to be haunted and survive
just as she had all those years ago
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
Mixtape
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
ten years ago, you sat next to me
propped against a wall on my bed
strumming each string
of my red electric guitar
tuning the cords, slowly, gently
too embarrassed to play a song
you were going to be a lawyer
I was going to be a journalist
we both had high hopes then

our usual food order was tater tots
with extra (extra!) sauce and
pad thai in a box which we'd swap
back and forth in between sips
of whiskey from your metal flask
sitting on the curb of the parking lot
late at night after everything closed
both exhausted from work

you brought me a cd in the hospital
I listened to it a hundred times
I know all the lyrics to every song on it
even a decade later
the music is still ours, you know
we gift each other mix tapes
you always include a song
by my favorite band (thank you)
I couldn't make you just one playlist
because all music reminds me of you

our conversations flow easy
we bounce back and forth
teasing, joking, talking openly
you always make me laugh
and I don't tell you this enough
but I love you and our friendship
even when we go months
without ever talking to each other
what we have is beautiful and
so important to me, I cherish it every day
You ever think about what you'd tell people before you die?
 Aug 2020 Schuy
Adeline Dean
Haven't made a heart to heart blog post in a while..

So recently a friend of mine messaged me on kik. We kinda drifted apart, but all the same we drifted back again .. You know that feeling?

She's asked me about how I was and what new things we going on in my life and then out of know where she asked me how I got into what I do, that , for those of you that don't know, is makeup.

It a happy, funny, weird story all at the one time.

As some of you already know, when I was 5 my parents died and I moved to Paris with my nan (<3) and she always wears red lipstick, even to this day. Lipstick , red lipstick to be more exact, was only worn by the higher class women and was generally quite expensive. Us Dean family have a ... Tradition I suppose. When a mother gives her child her very first red lipstick it means that she, in the eyes of the family, has matured and such not blah blah blah. Anyway. I didn't have my mom to do that ,so my nan took that role instead.

At the ages of in and around 14 I started wearing makeup, but never in public, my nan wouldn't allow such things. I always tried to copy her make up , because she was the only female figure I had as a child , and the only person I ever respected. Even to this day my makeup is still like hers , she notices that ever time I visit haha ~

I started posting picture of my makeup ideas on my old facebook about 3 years ago and one day a represtentive from Lancôme called me and asked me to work for them , I said yes. I told my nan that day and she gave me my first red lipstick and I still have it to this day

je t'aime Nana <3
 Aug 2020 Schuy
Fish The Pig
When I wear makeup
I feel unstoppable
courageous
beautiful.
so beautiful.

but I don't mean regular makeup,
mascara lipstick eyeliner blush etc,
I mean the kind that takes hours to apply,
transforming myself into hit characters
ghastly ghouls
alien creatures
minotaurs
ziggy stardust
I mean painting myself
with all the theatricality I can afford.

I feel like I can breath when I wear my makeup,
I feel okay and calm and like nothing can touch me
above all else I feel safe.
so safe
with that paint,
everybody's looking at the makeup
instead of me,
they admire and compliment the mask I've crafted
and it makes me happy to know
they can't see my plain pale face underneath,
the outrageous conception
has formed a shield
allowing me to step out in public
without being afraid to exist.

when I wear my makeup
I'm allowed to be whomever I please
and mingle-talk freely with all I want,
my makeup lets me be like everyone else.

The only downside is that not every week is spirit week,
my gentle skin is too irritated by even the most
hyper-allergenic makeup and acne protrudes
and at the end of it all I still have to wash it off,
watch my happy colors go down the sink drain,
the mask doesn't last forever,
and I'm left standing there the next day,
without my makeup
without my shield
and I feel so naked,
I feel incomplete and scared.

I wish every week was spirit week,
and that my skin was tough,
so that I could paint my face every day
              so I wouldn't have to be afraid.
My face will never be as good as the ones I can paint.
 Aug 2020 Schuy
fm
makeup
 Aug 2020 Schuy
fm
i wear my religion like i wear my makeup.

i put it on when i’m suppose to.

my face shines with the highlight
of the Holy Spirit on my cheekbones.

lipstick stains a bible verse which
i use for every circumstance
“God” throws at me.

i line my eyes with the blackness
of my heart and i let “God” flick it
out into a wing at the end.

after awhile though my skin
grows weary and itchy.

i can feel every pound of makeup
that cakes my face.

a single wet wipe no longer
works to dislodge the
uncomfortableness
in my pores.

i bathe in rose-scented oils
and steam my face
ritually.

everything is off.
my flaws are showing.

makeup use to be fun
when i wasn’t wearing it
for other people.

now social media lets me know
that i must contour my cheeks
with a prayer that starts with,
“dear lord,” and ends
with, “amen.”

in order to be in my family’s good
graces i must have faith in
myself but
mustn’t be prideful.

you must not use a mirror to put your makeup on.

your eyebrows should be
arched and ready to
defend,
not yourself,
but “God”
if questioned.

when you find a boy
who says he likes makeup
you must not pursue him.

he is not worthy of your highlighted face.

love yourself but
also put your
makeup first.

sculpt the nose
define the face
overline the lips.

do all that you can
to hide your real face.

make your skin scream
to be let free.

and when you take
your makeup off,
make sure to
moisturize
because your skin
has to look great when
it is drowning in
foundation.

take care of your skin
but it also doesn’t matter
so paint your face once more.

bat your eyes.
pout your lips.

but don’t be lustful.

because your religion is like your makeup...

so cake it on like a fake facade.
religion is dumb.
 Dec 2018 Schuy
Ysa Pa
Behind feelings gone wrong
Underneath each written song
There's a poet who writes
Lyrics and stanzas each night
With the slightest thought of you
Have you realized you're one of the lucky few?
To have received feelings ought to be conserved
To be written words that you don't even deserve
That our love for you would be preserved
And that for you, a part of our soul has been reserved
 Mar 2017 Schuy
Acuriousnature
Joy to the world,
Oh, Happiness is dead
A lie sold to the people.
The devil that they've bed,
An evil ploy, material toys,
Replacing Joy instead
just a mini piece that i'd written, with plan for completion later on. i'm not sure where to take it next and the words haven't told me where they wanna go just yet. hope you enjoy the appetizer
 Mar 2017 Schuy
DM Pierce
Some days I can feel
My skin melt to dust,
Taste the bitter ash of
Burned bridges and rust
As everything revolves away
From me and stops at her feet.
Though, most days I just feel like
A unobserved wave at sea,
Fading quietly into the breeze.

So yeah, I'm good, too.
It was nice to see you.
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