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Dana Mulder Aug 2014
I miss you the way I miss the time we were alive in.

My heart longs for you and my innocence in the same manner.

My stomach twists in contempt for every feeling that you don’t give me.

Don’t you see?
The loss of innocence is
so
much
more
than paying bills and paying for gas.
So
much
more
than taking a pill every night and needing to have a plan.
It’s
losing the ability to hear a high pitch that is both pleasing and displeasing.
It’s
not enjoying an education with the cost in mind.
It’s
knowing.

Knowing your sister is probably depressed
and your mother is, too.
Knowing there’s no safe shot to a simple destination.
And worst of all,
It’s
Knowing that love is something you learned about when you were
innocent
and with the high-pitched frequency.
It’s
Gone.
Dana Mulder Aug 2014
You were not a role model.
You were hilarious
but ******.
You were happy
but dark.

You suffered.
You fought.
You played the waves of a deep depression.
Eventually, you lost.

You put on a show.
The show.
You made yourself into anything
to get a laugh.
You created an icon.
Of comedy.
Of love.
Of strength.
Of comedy.

You were not a role model.
But you are a pillar of selflessness.
Your shadow shines bright.
A figure of darkness
Echoing what it means to live
Until time is up.

I don’t know you behind your mask.
I don’t know what resides in you Birdcage heart.
But,

What Dreams May Come
is up to you now, old friend.
Rest easy now, Mr. Williams. Your fight is over.
Dana Mulder Aug 2014
“Like, Love, Just, Know, Time.”
The top five most-used words on a simple poetry site.

Like
The ocean,
Your curves are crashing waves that pull me under
Your thoughts are the unknown depths one can only hope to explore
one day.

Love
Once, twice,
one hundred times
before realizing everything is relative
and everything is only relative for me
to you.

Just
What do you want from me,
anyway?

Know
You are beautiful to everyone
But the definition changes
just like it did from you
to me.

Time
Wounds.
All heals.
Dana Mulder Aug 2014
Listen.
Listen to me very carefully.
You’re the reason he’s going to hurt.
You’re the reason he’s going to regret everything about the girl with the curly hair and the voice.
You’re the reason I chased after him today.

Because I can’t stand to hurt him, even if it might be what’s right.

Listen,
You ****** fool.
You’re the reason I can’t let go.
You’re the reason I’d rather watch my own heart break than his.
You’re the reason I'll die without someone worth dying for.

Because I can’t stand the thought of hurting anyone else the way
you
hurt
me.
Dana Mulder Aug 2014
You called me this time.
I've never made a poem rhyme.
I spoke to you in threes.
I got weak in the knees.
A sure sign of my anxiety.
I hoped it would show through,
But, you said you felt the same way too.
Once the conversation was over,
I was glad for two things for sure.
One: We weren't completely through.
And two:
Thank God my phone is waterproof.
Dana Mulder Aug 2014
When I want to cry, I read your poetry.
Out loud.

I revisit the feeling of unwantedness.
Unwantedness, like that’s even a word.

“But it is!” you’d tell me and once
again and
again
I’d feel stupid about what I didn't know yet.

Even if it was not true.
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