My wife woke up the other morning
and positively glowered at me
I knew that look was some kind of warning
But wondered what on earth it could be?

It was quite obvious she was not happy
Though I had absolutely no idea why
I tried to talk to her but she was so snappy
Looked at me like she wished I would die.

I thought it might be about my snoring
Which I knew was very bad of late
though that normally had her shouting and roaring
and not in this silent but deadly state

Was it my restless legs syndrome again?
had my kicking kept her up all night?
Or had I hogged all the duvet yet again?
I knew something was not quite right

It was like waiting for a bomb to explode
the silence was truly agonising
my self confidence began to erode
had I done something without realising?

I knew I was definitely in mortal danger
That I needed to tread very carefully
She looked at me like I was some kind of stranger
Actually, more like I was her worst enemy!

I had no option but to push a bit harder
Thoughts of personal safety I left behind
I had to find out what was wrong with her
Before I went completely out of my mind

And then like a veritable tsunami
The whole truth it just flooded out
I knew then why she saw me as the enemy,
Understood what the strop was about!

She accused me of having an affair
With none other than her best friend
She was convinced that I just did not care,
Thought our marriage had come to an end

She did not believe I could be so cold
That I would throw away all that we had
She was convinced and would not be told
It nearly killed me to see her hurting so bad

I tried to convince her that I loved her
That nothing was going on honestly
That I could never have an affair for,
I knew she was the only woman for me

It was hard to convince her it was not true
But she realised in the end it seems
That having an affair is not something I’d do
The whole affair only happened in her dreams!

The whole thing was an absolute nightmare
It was incredibly frightening
One thing we learned from the whole affair
Is that dreams can be a funny thing!

Like alarm bells sounding a warning,
We both saw it as a wake up call
Now we have a reality check every morning
Before doing anything else at all!

Why is it that most of us men baulk
At the idea of having to talk
About issues we find troubling
Even when we know we’re not coping?
Why to men does it make much more sense
To say nothing, suffer in silence?
To shut out all those who might just care?
To refuse all the supports out there?
Why do we find it so hard to speak?
Do we feel reaching out makes us weak?
Do we think men must always be strong?
Maybe that’s where we are going wrong!
What a pity, what an awful shame
That our feelings we fear so to name,
That we can’t discuss our darkest fears,
That we are afraid of our own tears.
Oh when will the penny ever drop,
That this way of thinking has to stop?
For it shows great strength, courage indeed,
To ask for help in your hour of need.

When you get married there is no clause
That says much about Sister in Laws
It is a game of Russian Roulette
You just never know what you might get!

Thankfully I have been truly blessed
My Sisters in Law are just the best!
I wed the love of my life who happily
Had sisters whose friend I could gladly be.

I may not have set the world on fire,
But neither have I gone down in flames!
Within me remains a burning desire
To achieve every one of my aims.

Remember...
When comic books were the real big thing
and kids everywhere waited eagerly
every week excited to start reading
the latest Beano or Dandy
Remember…
Enjoying Dennis the Menace and Gnasher,
Minnie the Minx and the Bash Street Kids,
Roger the Dodger, Scrapper and Basher,
Beryl the Peril and Billy Whizz.
Remember…
Thinking Bully Beef and Chips were so great;
the awful things that Bully would do!
Not forgetting Desperate Dan and Keyhole Kate
who were always fantastic too.
Remember…
When we used to read the Sparky or the Topper
or the Buster or even the Beezer
without of course forgetting the Victor
or Roy of the Rovers either.
Remember…
When they had the Bunty for girls too,
the Mandy and Judy as well,
which many boys would read it is true;
though all promised never to tell!
Remember…
Waiting patiently each year for Santa to bring
the Annual edition of your favourite one,
spending hours on Christmas Day just reading;
and reading was the best thing under the sun!
Remember…
When everyone joined their local libraries
soon after schooldays had begun
When you were sure to find a book to please
and reading was so much fun.
Remember…
When books transported us to another world,
each new book a revelation,
instilling in us a love of the written word;
really fuelling our imagination!
Remember…
How much enjoyment you got from reading
and what little effort it really took,
how the pressures of life soon began receding
when you immersed yourself in a book.
Remember…
To try and make time to read a good book,
to take time out every now and then,
and you never know, with a bit of luck;
You might fall in love with reading again.

I have noticed that during any argument
A woman’s language is completely different
What is said is not always what is meant
You should ignore this to your detriment!
If during a discussion she lets out a long sigh
You should know better than to even try
Looking for an explanation as to why
Unless of course you really want to die

The sigh should indicate she is quite exasperated,
does not appreciate you being quite so opinionated
That you could be so stupid is making her frustrated
and if you carry on this way you are going to be berated.
The sigh may also indicate she does not want to argue
That she could not be bothered fighting with you
Stopping right there would be the best thing to do
But most men keep on digging because they have not got a clue

The alarm bells should start to ring
If she should say “IT IS NOTHING”!
Know that it is indeed something
And not just any little thing!
You would be wise never to forget
though she may insist “I AM NOT UPSET”
She is actually seething, you can bet
and you will be paying for this for a long time yet.

You should know you have crossed the line,
You need to know that she is lyin’
If she tells you that she is “FINE”!
Because you have just stepped on a landmine!
Please be warned that she just may
Simply tell you that “IT’S OK”
This only means you are going to pay
For the error of your ways someday!

You would be completely off your head,
You would probably need to be brain dead
To take her literally if she said:
“THAT IS FINE, GO AHEAD”
Do not be fooled into thinking it is true
When she tells you “IT IS UP TO YOU”
She is just daring you to follow through
knowing she objects, it’s the worst thing you could do!

And if she should say “THANKS A LOT”
Do not think you have hit the Jackpot
Because you most certainly have not
You will pay for this, not a little but a lot!
If she should say “THAT IS JUST FANTASTIC”!
Do not start thinking you are right or anything so drastic
She is actually telling you that you make her sick
She may feel she is losing and is only being sarcastic.

The last word you want to hear is “WHATEVER”
Do not start thinking that you are oh so clever
It means she will remember this argument forever
And feel free to throw it back in your face, whenever
Do not feel you have won if she tells you “YOU ARE RIGHT”
It is extremely unlikely but you never know, she might
She is only telling you that she is fed up of this fight
But rest assured you will pay for this, for many a night.

If she is desperate she may just turn on the tears
A tactic employed by the fairer *** for years
very successfully too, because it appears
this is one of each and every mans greatest fears.
If she gives you the Silent Treatment, just let it be
Buying chocolates and flowers only tells her you feel guilty
You are admitting that you’re wrong is all that she will see
And that is the way things will continue for all eternity.

So you cannot say that you have not been warned
that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
Though we come from different planets from one another
It seems we cannot live with, or without, each other
And it’s healthy to argue when alls said and done
When making up afterwards can be such great fun.
Despite our differences we should all thank the man above
For the fact that we’re loved and have someone to love.

You died, By Suicide
And I cried,
and cried and cried.
Inside, Part of me died
Cos you lied,
and lied and lied.
You’re gone, and I’m the one
To suffer on,
and on and on.
Why, Why? You had to lie?
Chose to die?
Oh why Oh why?
You knew, I loved you
So why you?
Why you? Why you?
I try to understand why
But I cry,
and cry and cry.
Heart break, a pain that makes
My soul ache,
and ache and ache.
You knew, what I’d go through
You had to!
**** you! **** you!
Sorry, but you hurt me
Needlessly,
badly, sadly.
Guilty and so angry
You left me
lonely, empty.
Someday, the hurt just may
Go away,
I pray and pray.
Love you, will always do
Forgive you?
That’s hard to do!