I fell in love with a girl
who picked flowers instead
of arguments and had no
time for bad things
because she so carefully
curled herself
against them.
you were summer recklessness
but you always had these
two rules: stay with me
and don’t become a ghost.

My depression hits hard and heavy
like black curtains on the windows
like nothing your medicines will cure

I sat in my window today
watched the birds gather on the roof across from me
their feathers fluff and flatten
flatten and fluff
decided to stay there until they flew off
enjoy the beauty in the landscape
then had thoughts of jumping off the sill
(13 stories down)
it seemed like a normal train of thoughts

it's been windy lately
leaves whipping at my door
stems bending as it blows
hurts my bones and makes my body ache
but you'll never understand

I watched you drive off through rain stained windows
too angry to stop you
too shocked to move

Since you left nothing's been the same
stars we once saw
they've all gone dim
I haven't seen the sun in weeks
the skies permanently gray

I saw your sock in my laundry pile
I washed it
couldn't bare to throw it away

The seasons keep changing
from warm brown to cold black
and I still get your mail sometimes
but not your calls
I run my fingers against your plastic encased name on the envelopes
and hope silently you don't stay gone

fits clutched against the bed sheets
pulling in strides as I come
holding on to that moment of ultimate control

"when did I lose my mind?" she asks no one in particular.
"was it morning? were the birds singing?"
" I don't know my love. It is hard to say" I respond.
She sighs, "I only hope that it was beautiful. That the sun was shining. "

my throat is numb from screaming your name
coiled in the fetal position
**** parts pressed against bed sheets

rapid dancing feet
cigarette flames burning
all mouths open wide

My depression hangs heavy in the air
black curtains on the windows
dim light casting shadows on the walls
I yearn to stay away
but I'm held captive in the couch's cushions
eyes planted on the TV screen
drooping because they're too heavy to keep open