Tomorrow was once an ocean away
Full of solemn waves and dismal tides
My insides craved for that day
When I would find a way
To hoist up my anchor of pride.
My inability to navigate the noise
Of the ebb and flow of loneliness
Was keeping me down
With my hope keeping me afloat.
How was I, an empty vessel,
to cross the complacent-sea with out a boat?
Honestly, it was an atrocity
Thought would only be solved by generosity.
I couldn't sail beneath the stars
With out any compass-ion: yours.
You made the hollow tides shift
And helped me complete my trip
All on the best ship
Friendship.

Words **** like bullets they say
But so does silence

the distance between us is not keeping me from missing you. i miss you. i miss you like how i miss myself since the day someone took a piece of me and never gave it back. i miss you like the emptiness inside of me that keeps me from being happy. i miss you like the days when i was still my daddy's girl and i wish i could bring back the way he looked at me again. i miss you like the song i heard once that i can't seem to get out of my head because the title is forgotten somewhere in there. i miss you like how i miss my friend that now lays inside a coffin with her name carved on a stone and inside my body. i miss you like how i miss breathing. i miss you like how the world yells at me for being this sad. i miss you like the soul i used to have.

We have always had that undeniable type of love
You know?
Whenever asked about one another, our cheeks would turn bright pink
And just as our lips curled upward to smile,
sweet words escaped from our mouth, no matter how tightly we tried to seal our smile
Who ever we ended up talking to
had to think our lover put all the stars in the sky
by the endless praise we gave one another
The kind of love that stained your sheets,
despite how clean they were
Our pictures have voices, next to our smiles you can hear us screaming "I love you...I love you with all I am"
Our voices became love,
we, in everything we do, have become love
The kind of love that made us encounter multiple strangers,
just so they could inform us of our obvious happiness and glee

I hope you never get new sheets
I hope you never bite me out from underneath your fingernails
I hope you never remove my stray hairs from your beard
after a long makeout sesh
I hope we are never apart long enough to where my scent fades out of your clothes

Right now, I’m on like the Sun
My 1000 watt smile burning in my core
Shedding heat and light in all directions
But, most importantly, spreading to me too
And with a burst and flare I take on my tasks
Spewing heat and passion in all directions
And far away, hanging in the vacuum of space
I watch the things I’ve touched flourish

Let there be life

But this is only half my story, because I am not the Sun
Much as I pretend to be, I am not a creator of energy
The amount I have is finite
Life is not in my orbit
Rather, I’m pulled in by its gravity
It’s all I can do to influence the tides

See, there’s a dark side to the Moon
Those days I go missing from the skies
That you never seem to notice
You only ever care when I’m giving off light
Those off days, this is what they’re like:

Force the corners of your eyes up and fake a smile
The light and heat are draining from you, but you keep giving
It’s always this cold on the dark side

And you compliment and do favors and get assignments and don’t yell
A puppet being yanked through the day
Each time you interact with another person,
You wish they could read the sadness on your face when you turn away
But when they ask, “How are you?”
You say, “I’m okay,”

By the time you’re done with the day’s giving
You’re so tired, you can’t think of what to do for yourself
I takes all your effort to click next episode, next episode
Or bring the chocolate to your lips
You feel a strange mix of gratitude for the numbness
And self-loathing for what the little time you have on this planet has become

At bedtime, one flutter of your heart makes you worry you’re about to die
And a sleepless night later, you promise yourself you’ll ask for help
That you know you never will

That’s what off days are like

But the thing is, I can’t even claim victimhood here
Unlike others who suffer these feelings rightly can

I chose this life

I chose to be a vessel for the Sun’s light
There was a point in my life where I looked in the mirror
And understood what would happen if I kept thinking and acting the way I did
Always give, give, give
I may not have known how deep emptiness and fatigue truly cut
But I knew they were weaved into the path I was set to take
I read the fine print and signed the contract anyway

It’s worth it, I think, in an ends justify the means sort of way
After all, in the end, none of us will really matter
But humanity will, if we do our jobs well
And with on days, that’s more than enough to keep me satisfied

But with off days, I sometimes wonder if I would have been better off never having opened my eyes.

That moment -
when first proclaiming your love:
taking the leap, both legs first;
Into the raving rapids.

Hoping;
that she finds faith in you,
and that she is as willing - as you.
That she leaps in with you.

Hoping,
to endure the curvy rapids.
To find each other's strength,
grasping each other, never letting go.

Hoping -
that the river shows mercy.
Bringing you both, hand in hand,
all the the way to calmer shores

Hoping;
there, at the end of the river -
to find peaceful, beautiful waters.
A happy life, together - forever

That moment, leaping.
Full of hope. But, in retrospect,
did you not already know?
If done right,

is not love

to know?