You’ve changed, in a way that I know you don’t even recognize yourself. I know, because when you’re alone you frown at the floor and your face is absolutely heartbreaking but then she comes around and you put the face away and smile again. I could be delirious, you could just be happy, but are we really ever happy with something we cheated to get? Maybe you don’t see it that way, and you’re the happiest person in the world, but if you really are, then explain that face to me? I’ve only seen that face after your cousin died, when you were questioning God and why everyone was leaving your life. You look lost, but then again you look like a stranger, and I know of nothing in your life anymore, except these gut feelings that something isn’t okay. Is your mom okay? Is your grandmother healthy? Have you thought about suicide? Is she helping you pass with good grades? Is she funny? You deserve endless laughter. You’re changing, but maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s just because I’m on the outside. Somewhere I’m not used to being, and somewhere I wish I wasn’t. Maybe it’s because you said we’d still be friends and you still feel something, and maybe it’s because hope is dangerous. Because after I’d hoped that we’d be better and that you had the repressed feelings that I was experiencing out loud, and then you stopped talking to me, I lost everything. Now, don’t go thinking you are my everything, because you aren’t, but the concept was never something I hated. Back to why I’m writing this, does she have a soul like I do? Because I’d hate to know you’re being handled by someone who doesn’t have a deep soul, and sees the universe when they close their eyes. Are your car rides the same? Do you try to do the same things with them? Is she still pregnant? Isn’t she the good girl? Isn’t that why she’s easier to love and bring home to mom? Honestly, how is your mom? Sigh, I guess it’s okay. Just be careful…you can only change yourself so much before it becomes ******.
-g.e.s.
how can I get past you when you obviously need my help?