Insecurity* is my *Enemy
Lonesome is my Friend
Emptiness is my Safe Haven


*© Pax

Is it good enough to say I'm sorry?
Because it hasn't been before
And I have lost trust in the system
That's held me down and will keep me down more.

There's a little bit of anticipation
And even more fear of demise;
I just can't help but be afraid of
The colors in your eyes.

Well the rhetoric stands and I stand accused:
I'm a bit out of practice and I'm a bit too into you.
I have way too much to say and not enough time
But I can't help it, "I'm yours, what's mine?"

They call us hopeless romantics
And sometimes we get lost
In far too general opinions
And far too many far-away thoughts.

First time I saw her she was on a balcony
Like Romeo and Juliet.
I wish I never looked away from the stage
'Cause last time I saw her she was dead.

Now that you know more about me than I do about you,
It's about time for a second glance.
You can just relax and regret and I'll turn your head
Whenever I think I'm something worth seeing.

I'm flawed; there's a few remnants of abuse
And I'm not very good at saying sorry
But I already love you more than you do -
And if that's not enough I'll try even harder
I already feel your pain more than you can
And if you disagree I'll say I lied.
Anything but, "You're yours, I'm mine."

because i believed you
because i never realized how brown your eyes really were until i had the courage to stare
because you told me you were happier this way
because i don't feel suicidal when i'm with you
because you wanted me to meet your mother
because you never ask me what's wrong
because you don't care about anything
because i wanted to know what would happen
because i was too scared to ask
because ******* for leaving the first time
because i love you for coming back
because you only ever touch me when you're drunk
because his lips didn't feel like yours
because he made me laugh but not the way you could
because of 3 am nights with you are all i want to remember
because 3 am nights without you sit in the middle of my chest like a boulder
because my father warned me
because i can't do it anymore
because i can't do it anymore

Stop, if you have a minute
And please look a while
Upon the face of the girl with the frozen smile.

Stop.
Do you see her?
Or do you see a lie?
Tell me
Will you forget her
By and by?

Or will you forever
Ask yourself why
You didnt stop for the girl wirh the frozen smile?

I am now 38.
Justice shouldn't be a courthouse debate.
We shouldn't have to wait.
To be successful to feel great.
Never will I ever forgive who I hate.
Hopefully I will get married before forty.
I have no self pity or a complex of "poor me".
A truth you can feel but not see.
The old lady filed a restraining order against me.
To keep me from my only family my baby.
The custody case dragged on a year & a half until never replaced maybe.
She kidnapped my child.
Portrayed me as mental & wild.
The Madge Bradley Building mediator Georgia Mansury didn't believe my story in 2006 when she took my daughter away from me & gave her to my mom.
The family courthouse should blow up like a bomb.
I know I am in her best interest.
Ariel's mom she had missed.
The town of North Clairemont in San Diego.
A place friends never go.
We went to Alcott Elementary school.
Laws can't protect the ****** from rules.
We lived at 3266 Idlewild Way.
A place I am glad we no longer stay.
True story the police said it was a low priority case.
The future can't make the past erase.
I called them 20 years later.
So the reason my mom & why I hate her.
So I hung up & said "nevermind".
Somewhere evil still exists in this place & time.
They said it would take a really long time.
A nightmare of mine.
When I was 12 & my sister was nine.
We got ***** 365 times times 4.
A stranger showed up at our door.
He had a metallic blue helmet & motorcycle.
He got us bicycles.
She never had a clue.
His execution is long overdue.
My mom moved in a pedofile.
To live with us 3 or 4 years for awhile.
I think he had been on Americas Most Wanted for escaping from a correctional facility.
Monsters like him don't get any pity.
He said if we told anyone he would **** us.
His felonies were never a bust.
Registered or unregistered.
*** offenders should never get parolled.
They should stay locked up til their dead & old.
In mexico or anywhere else children's *** is not something that should be sold.
I hated my life.
No one ever asked me to be their wife.
She bought him cartons of cigarettes & beer.
My dad she had kicked out that year.
My dad died at 81 in 2009 I told him the truth before.
How a child molestor made us his *****.
He made me carry dead fish from the tank in my hand to the toilet.
It traumatized me bit by bit.
My life has become ****.
He strangled the dog next door with his own leash.
Nobody knew about our grief.
Justice has no relief.
When he went away.
We could go out & play.
After that all new days he hadn't had his way.
My mom told me to touch his **** telling me it was okay that it was just skin.
I never did. I knew it was an illegal sin.
He whipped us with his belt for being late.
I was unsure of my future fate.
Being there was not happy or fun.
My mom bought him a gun.
Where would we go if we had run.
He spit in my cereal is the rest.
He ****** on my toothbrush I detest.
He choked my sister to death.
He ressitated her she told her teacher.
The police never knew to reach her.
1988 our lives got ruined.
The damage is congruent.
1991 was when the **** ended.
Children got sexually offended.

Situation of inflation.
Betrayal saturates your current fate.
Destiny can no longer wait.
Your enemies deceive & hate.

Objectify a small white lie.
An unanswered why.

People & things fall apart.
Torn in half & broken hearts.

Salvage pieces to make it whole.
Satisfaction in a cereal bowl.

Truth unbelieved.
People you can't be with you leave.