I will never wish to be dead
because , for the record ,
none of my previous wishes
ever came true

You tell me that you love me,
but that’s not what this is.
It’s obsession.
It’s possession.
Time and time again.
You are toxic to my thoughts,
poison to my heart.
Oh how you love to build me up; to watch me fall apart.
With every passing day,
with each passing time
it breaks my heart to wonder
if you were ever really mine.
You told me I was beautiful with each intoxicated breath,
but never once did a sober thought reach me through your head.
I was your escape, but drugs were your demise.
Taking something beautiful
and dressing it in lies.
It’s killing me slowly that you’re still on my mind.
With ocean eyes and venomous lies how’d I make it out alive?

You never find me in big crowds of people
Because from afar it appears fun and peaceful
but looks can often be deceitful
I never had sleepovers with the girls
Because they'd send my emotions sky rocketing in swirls
And I know for a fact I'm fragile like pearls
So putting myself in those situations just seemed cheatfull
don't spend time with many people
I clamp on to one person
They'll throw me a bone and Ill continue the burden
Learnin the hurting has turned me into a person weak people have been subdued to servin
Realizing I'm manipulative
I stalk my prey And do so premeditative  
The cycle starts over every year it's repetitive
To me
The game is easy
Not very competitive

My life is caught in confusion
I'm full of delusions
Don't know what I'm doing
I'm full of excuses

What is the use of it all?
Will I fail will I fall?
Will I walk will I crawl?
And if I don't love
what's it matter at all?

If I've failed the subtleties of this
A tender smile, a tender kiss
Failed to love
Renders this existence
Overwhelmingly useless

So hold me strong
We'll go on
There'll be a point
Where we move on from
Bitterness, feeling careless
like nothing ever mattered less

Just waiting for the start
A dying of self
I'm sick of never caring about
somebody else
To the extent to which my friends
Look like everyone else

And my family's gone where?
I don't know
They're in limbo
Right now though
It's cold and it's dark
It doesn't feel like home

I've got to stay true
To what I set out to do
Which in hindsight I conclude
I haven't got a clue
Just something better for you
Any of you.
I want to be the one to say
You didn't go where I've got to

Picking up bottle caps off the city sidewalks,
and collecting pretty pennies in a jar.
Rubbing copper faces for luck
instead of simply looking up,
She misses all the billboard love
stapled to the sky above.
Weaving through the concrete streets,
dodging skyscrapers on tiptoe feet,
she's just blowing in the breeze -
sleep, wake up, repeat.
She's a windy thing, herself,
she's an angel raising hell
with the scent of midnight cigarettes.
She's a nightmare in a burning dress.

She's an empty wishing well.

Come on out,
We are friends
You've fought demons for so long,
Am I beginning to look like one?
You are a closed door,
With a terrified child inside,
I am a gentle knock,
A friend on the other side,
I'm begging you to let me in,
But you just continue to hide,
It's going to get darker, love,
The demons will eat you raw,
What will I do then?
Knowing I should have tried once more,
So you can scream and pant,
Throw all the hissy fits you can,
I'll be here

I think
I get so scared of people leaving me
so I **** everything up before something even becomes of it
I get defensive
or
I get vulnerable
and I scare them off

I think
I wasn't built out for a relationship
because I am confident and I do love myself
but
somehow I can't keep any potential great relationship going

I think
no one can love me the way I want them to
or
the way I would love them
because they don't understand me
they don't absorb how my mind and spirits play, sometimes together
they don't realize how far my thoughts can go

I think
at the end of the day
we all just want someone to be obbessed with us as we are with them

I wish I could hate you
I honestly do
Then maybe I'd eat something
Or perhaps I'd feel something
I love you though
I wish I could stop
I wish I didn't stress myself out
Trying to be everything you want
I wish that I wasn't depressed
Maybe I would've been
I wish I could **** myself.
I wish I didn't have to remember your embrace.
I wish I could still have it.
It was never mine.
It's not like I was important enough to be given that.
I'm gonna start drinking again
I don't care
Let me waste away.
I don't want to hate you but I wish I could to help me mend