To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

She often times scared away her nightly slumber  
Her thoughts grew louder and more chaotic with every tick of the clock
She let her past mistakes consume her
Rummaged internally for answers to her actions that led her here
Lying on a mattress which sat on the carpet of a rundown apartment
Alone

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

She kept eyes open all night looking and thinking and drinking
A lot of drinking to seize the thoughts that drowned her
She traveled back in her dormant state to find events she wished had happened differently Dreamt up memories where she never walked away
Or where she refrained from saying something in an outburst of anger
She was haunted by
Everything

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

Her thoughts had begun to agitate her being Transforming her mind into a whirlwind of anger and helplessness
She sat up at the edge of her mattress with the palms pressed tightly against her eyes, shaking her head in a frenzy
Her hands migrated to her hair, gathering a hand full and pulling
Eyes stung with the tears that began to surface  She took hasty steps toward her counter in search of a bottle to console her for the night
The only thing that put an end to the chaos was
Alcohol

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.

I've tried to **** myself so many times, to make it messy. But who knew that continuing to live would be the exact same as downing the bottle of bleach

Eyes
       Fluttering
                      Mind
                              Sputtering
                                               Lips
                                                     Muttering

Hands
          Shaking
                      Bones
                               Aching
                                          Heart
                                                   Breaking

Pain
      Showing
                    Tears
                            Flowing
                                        Sorrow                                                  
                                                  Growing

Nails
        Gripping
                      Skin
                            Ripping
                                        Red
                                             Dripping

Girl
      Falling
                Mother
                           Calling
                                      Life
                                           Stalling

Head
       Pounding
                      Silence
                                 Sounding
                                                Death
                                                         Grounding.



-ARI

Silent yet expressive
Her almond shaped eyes
The prettiest shade of brown
Except when she cries
When she feels sorrow
Her eyes turn blue
Gaze into them
And you’ll feel pain too

Silent yet expressive
A smile so heavenly
It could make a song-less bird
Produce the most beautiful melody
But when she feels sorrow
Lip corners turned down
Once singing birds
No longer make a sound

Silent yet expressive
Her body freely flows
But when she feels sorrow
Her arms tightly close
Much like Charlie Chaplin        
Her feelings; never spoken
But by the look of her
One can see she’s broken

Tingling thoughts of ******,
dangling through the branches of trees
As if dread from an uncertain past;
further floats among the living effigies.

A whisper from long ago still echoes,
where people dare not put foot.
A place, where time slows
A place where men once stood.

today, as i walk this path
I am not alone

1) Because your eyes looked like new beginnings, like adventures just waiting to happen
2) Because your lips were begging to be kissed, between the singing and the sighs and the moans
3) Because as I lay my head on your chest while you slept, it didn't bother me that your heartbeat was loud, and God was it ******* loud
4) Because it was you, just you, in the numbers, in the art, even in the breakfast cereal
5) Because it was even you in my breakfast cereal
6) Because the first time you caressed my skin I swore you could hear my blood rushing throughout my whole body
7) Because I wanted you so much closer
8) Because it was never close enough
9) Because even the closest would never be "close enough"
10) Because you always hugged me as if it were the first time you saw me again
11) Because you always hugged me as if it were the last time you'd see me
12) Because your skin on mine reminded me of a dad who used to watch scary movies on the couch with me, until one day I simply didn't fit/anymore
13) Because the tip of my index finger was drawn to the freckles on your nose like two opposite ends of the same magnet
14) Because I never understood Physics until that moment