Mi primer amor tenía doce años y uñas negras.
Mi primer amor tiene ojos grandes y una sonrisa de cachete a cachete,
Aunque nunca te miraba a los ojos,
Y nunca sonreía en fotos.
Mi primer amor me rompio el corazón.
Lo fue sacando de pedazo en pedazo,
Y yo la deje…
En autos, en parques, en cines,
Me entregue.

1) Because your eyes looked like new beginnings, like adventures just waiting to happen
2) Because your lips were begging to be kissed, between the singing and the sighs and the moans
3) Because as I lay my head on your chest while you slept, it didn't bother me that your heartbeat was loud, and God was it ******* loud
4) Because it was you, just you, in the numbers, in the art, even in the breakfast cereal
5) Because it was even you in my breakfast cereal
6) Because the first time you caressed my skin I swore you could hear my blood rushing throughout my whole body
7) Because I wanted you so much closer
8) Because it was never close enough
9) Because even the closest would never be "close enough"
10) Because you always hugged me as if it were the first time you saw me again
11) Because you always hugged me as if it were the last time you'd see me
12) Because your skin on mine reminded me of a dad who used to watch scary movies on the couch with me, until one day I simply didn't fit/anymore
13) Because the tip of my index finger was drawn to the freckles on your nose like two opposite ends of the same magnet
14) Because I never understood Physics until that moment

I wake up to your snoring at 3 am,
I want to wake you but my mother taught me to not put my hands on what I consider precious,
Instead I reminisce on poems written about you so many years ago and cuddle under your arm,
Knowing it won't disturb your peaceful state

I remember every kiss we ever kissed, you kissed me 1,923 times, I remember our first kiss and I remember our last kiss and every single kiss in between, I remember that night when I was standing in the middle of the street and your parents were waiting for you back at home and I looked you in the eyes and I told you I could die exactly that moment and I wouldn't regret a single thing, I remember when we were in the park, and I was crying because I knew you were leaving soon, you kissed me on every single bench, beneath every single  tree, I remember the kiss that was suppose to be our last, you shouldn't have come back, but I don't remember every kiss I kissed trying to replace yours, I don't remember the names of all those people who touched my skin underneath our moonlight, amidst our bedsheets, but I remember us on those stairs, I had been in love with you for months by then, my hand was shaking and I leaned in and just as you had time to acknowledge what happened, I left, I cried that night, I don't know why, maybe I knew what was coming, I remember how you told me you never thought you would not want to kiss me, well it’s been two years since our meeting at the Great Wall of China, don’t come back this time...

THE PILLS THEY GAVE ME AREN'T MAKING YOU GO AWAY TONIGHT, YOU'RE STILL HERE AND AT TIMES I WONDER IF I ONLY PUT YOU AWAY TO TAKE YOU BACK OUT ON NIGHTS LIKE THESE, I'M SO ******* IN LOVE WITH YOU IT HURTS MY CHEST, EVERYTHING'S BLURRY AND I MISS YOU AND I CAN'T FEEL MY INSIDES, IS THIS WHAT FALLING OUT OF LOVE FEELS LIKE, SOMETIMES I THINK OUR FIRST LOVE STAYS WITH US FOREVER AND WE'RE JUST SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE TO FULFILL THAT SPACE BUT WE'LL NEVER FIND THEM BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST, I FEEL LIKE JUST YESTERDAY I LOST YOU, I LOVED YOU TO THE BRINK OF INSANITY

IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU, IT'S THAT I ONCE MET A GIRL WHO RIPPED MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST AND IT'S STILL AN OPEN WOUND, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU IT'S THAT MY MOM STILL YEARNED FOR MY DAD YEARS AFTER HE WAS GONE, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU IT'S THAT YOU HAVE SWEET BROWN EYES THAT MAKE ME WANT TO HOLD YOU BUT I'M SCARED, SO ******* SCARED, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU, IT'S THAT YOU DESERVE ALL THE AFFECTIONS IN THE WORLD AND I'M NOT SURE I CAN GIVE YOU ANYTHING MORE THAN SIMPLY MEDIOCRE, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU IT'S THAT EVERY TIME WE SPEAK I'M ENTHRALLED BY EVERYTHING YOU SAY, ALWAYS LEFT AT A LOSS OF WORDS, AS IF ALL THE ONES I'D EVER LEARNED HAD SUDDENLY LOST IT'S MEANING, YET NO MATTER HOW BEAUTIFUL THE SENTENCES COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH WERE, ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS MEETING THEM MID-SENTENCE, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU, IT'S THAT YOU'RE THE KIND OF GIRL THAT CHANGES LIVES, THAT DRIVES STARS AND BEAT HEARTS AND I'M INSANE, BUT ONLY INSANELY WANTING TO HOLD YOUR HAND, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU IT'S THAT WITHOUT YOUR COSMIC IMPORTANCE THERE'D BE NO POETRY TO BE WRITTEN, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU IT'S THAT THE LAST PERSON WHO TRIED TO FIX ME LEFT WITH CALLOUS-FILLED-HANDS AND NO ENCHANTMENT, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU, IT'S THAT I CAN'T

The first boy after you told me that pain wasn't real,
Just a figment of our imagination,
So I cut deeper,
I stretched bigger,
I ****** harder,
and when the doctor asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10
I always answered 0,
but when my mom asked about you,
When we happened to cross paths in the hallways,
It was a ten,
It was always a **** ten,
every single ******* time