Beyond every struggle, every battle, every strife.
There is hope for a better tomorrow, a lesson, a new door.

We must forge ahead if we are to survive.
Let us journey onwards, and see what the future has in store.

I cannot forgive you
for your past mistakes
because they are wrapped up inside my chest,
burning like the summer sun.

I cannot forget
the nights when I felt like nothing
and I held a bottle of yellow pills in my hand
because you pushed me over the edge.

I will not forgive
this feeling of absolute sadness
wrapped up inside of me,
I will not forgive
the stab wounds to my back
that the words you couldn't speak to my face left.

I will not forgive the person I became
because you said I wasn't good enough
(and I still never will be).

I'm sorry my words come out
when I'm neck deep in alcohol,
but drunk words are sober thoughts
and I've never been known to keep my mouth shut.

You are everything I never wanted to be around,
a disease of the mind, body, and soul,
and I cannot forgive you
for being the decay that is my demise.

Sometimes,
          we lose ourselves,
          find it,
          but realize
          **it's not who we really are.

Cold stinking cell
Is this where you are searching?
Hands tied, wall talking
Is this how you are searching?

How long have you been here?
No drape, just stinking rags
How long do you want to stay?
No mercy, just these ******* drugs!

Talking to nothing, your tongue is protruded
Holding not a thing, your hands pill-rolling
Is there any way you can get out?
Of this living hell, will you ever be free?
Can you go back to what you were before?
Or would you stay and ask for nothing more?

You're eating not bread
How can you eat?
You're drinking not water
How can you drink?
Breathing not air
How can you breath?
Living not life
How can you live?

But maybe in this world of your own
Beautiful innocent things color your world
Maybe after all of your anesthetic pain
There's peace in this kingdom you reign.

Stop thinking that you are too much
this or that
too ugly or too fat
because you are worth
much more
than a number.

No jean size, person or society
can dictate how you live your life.
No failure or mistake can ever
define you.

You are only defined by your character.

It's impossible to know a person
Really, truly know them
Until you have a conversation at 2AM
Right before you fall asleep
The most human you can be,
There's no wrong or right
Just words filling the silence
Let me see your insecurities,
Your dreams,
Tell me things about you
That I wouldn't know
Remind me I'm not the only person
With problems and that
No one's exempt from suffering
I want to hear it all
Your heart and mind
There's no better time
For a lobotomy
No better time
To not be alone
I'm glad we got to philosophize
Because you don't really, truly
Know someone
Until you converse at 2AM
And it was a pleasure to meet
2AM you

I am a cave
for nobody dwells within me
and when someone does stay,
they leave just as quickly
im dark and depressing,
lonely and hidden
sunlight and happiness are forbidden
I wish that i could bring joy to others
without hurting myself time after another

This something of
a doctor once
asked me to
write a list.
He leaned back
in his squeaking,
worn leather
chair.
Entwined his fingers
behind
his greasy
half balding head.
Exposing the
wet stains on the
arm pits of
his creased button
shirt as if they weren't
there.

He thought he was so
smart ,so superior
with his framed
accomplishments
littered all
over his institutional
colored office walls.


I sat across from
him degreeless and
self educated,
therefore a failure
in this sham of a
world they have
created.

He thought
I was dumb with my
crude prison tattoos,
police record
and noticeable
stammer.

I took hold of the
sharpened number 2
and for the briefest of moments
seriously considered
jamming the lead filled
pencil deep into his
razor burned neck.

I stared at the
yellowing
stains beneath his
flabby arms
and couldn't help but smile.
I smiled as I put
point to paper
and began to write
his stupid list.

There's a pistol hungry
for vengeance and heavy in my
pocket urging me forth.
A lazy monkey
who insists I carry
it's burden.
A mind so full of
tragedies that
even nightmares
steer clear.

A broken heart that
needs to stay broken.
Shattered hopes that
refuse to dream.
Tattoos that have forgotten
their meanings.
Junkies who need
their junk.

Death raiding ravens
circling overhead.
A black cat
who saved my life
more than once.
A girl I love
who will never
love me.
******* doctors
with **** smelling arm pits.
Bad kids who know they're
bad.

Stray dogs in search
of a home.
Dead minds cheering
for ball chasing men.
Working men
who know nothing
of the world but
work.


Broke and addicted
writers looking for
a casket to rest in.
An empty grave
that longs
to be filled.

That letter I wrote and
still haven't sent.
And a date with
a dealer
therefore this   
list is
now done.

Clouded mind full of
fear, as a smog of  poison
envelopes my dreams.

Where once its was colour
and fantasy, now coated in black
thorns, dreams touched each
poisoned and a bright place
turns to eternal darkness with
in my sleep .

I dream of the day where I don't
wake up with a scream, of the
darkness surrounding me now
tinted are my dreams. My awake
time is my safe place, I fear the
time of sleep, where there is darkness
to corrupt me while  not awake.

will it spread to my waking
dreams, will I see things not real,
how long can I hold out when
will the darkness consume my
day and night where I will
see only things of darkness
not even real.

Back to the happiness
My little pills bring
My heart was a'flutter
And now does it sting

Some things in life
Are just not meant to be
What will happen next
I'll have to wait and see