I once met a girl
who became the reason why I was smiling everyday
but I was young
I was stupid and I stuffed it up
but honestly she was so amazing
borderline perfection
but I swear I fell for her
and I fell for her hard
she had me telling strangers how great she was
she was the kind of girl you write songs and poems for
the kind of girl you'll drop everything for
she was the one who changed me
leaving a mark I would never forget
a void I can never fill
and now I just feel so ****
empty

You took a chance on me
The dying apple on the ground withering without the grace of the tree
I'll never know why you thought I was a thing worth saving

We watched the rain fall with the confidence of a hurricane from the safety of each other’s embrace
As the world begrudgingly continued to spin towards a new day
You convinced me to stay

See, I took a break from wasting away to come dance with you
Following your lead, we stepped in sync and I swear I almost felt a smile spread across my cheek

We refused to return any of our borrowed time
And laughed when they asked why weren’t scared like them because everything ends, right?

We filled our margins with each other and became the exception
Scrawled doodles became elegant Sistine Chapels and Starry Nights
As we danced our way through the unremarkable
You made just taking another breath feel alright

I wanted to thank you for being patient with me as I offered you what was left of my beer-stained soul

Given half the chance, I’d give back what I carved out of this hole
And dust off my heavy heart to make you full
If I find a way to trade places I’ll let you know
But for now I swear to you that I won’t shuffle off without letting my apple grow

you said you don't want to hurt me
yet words lash like a whip
rending flesh from the heart
what is done, cannot be undone
words cannot be unspoken or unheard
unapologetic and cold
there is no bandage for the wounds
as the blood falls from my eyes
in sulfur and ash

The beauty I saw in your eyes,  
         Peering into your soul.
It's depths astounded me,
     your poetry amazed me,
Another half to broken pieces made whole.
Yet the pain I saw eluded me,
          it baffled me
   how you could be that sad...
I remember this dream I had,
Where you were in complete despair,
     crying in a corner,
             Tears blood red
I can't remember exactly what you said,
     but it crushed me.
           The next day,
while you were smiling and joking around,
I tried to glimpse deep in your eyes,
          what I found?
Stunned me to tears, after all these years,
          how could I not see?
I think you were about to ask me what was wrong,
            But you realized I discovered what you'd been hiding all along.
I didn't know what to say,
          or how to speak...
Then I saw a grin start to form in the dimple on your cheek.
         You'd fooled me, arrogantly tricked me,
You pulled up your sleeve and grabbed a knife,
              Started slicing away just to torture me,
          Slowly ending my life.

The truth is I don't want to fly
The sky isn't as beautiful as I remember it...
Once so blue
Now so grey
Truth is I want to go my own way
Use my feet and not my broken wings
Truth is im still fighting my demons
They battle me head first
They give me no time to react
Truth is I don't fit in
But that's ok
Truth is I needed help but got tired of asking
Truth is I'm trying to be ok
Trying to fix my ****** up life that I live
So hold my hand and show me that the world is really ok and that it's just the demons talking
Until I get caught up in my own again
But untill then
I don't want to fly

Don't even bother
You can't save me
You can't even save yourself
Where are you?
I need your help
They are grabbing ahold of me
And they won't let go

You can't hear my screams
My cries for help
Where are you?
I need you
They are dragging me down

I fear what's going on in my mind
What terrible thinks I conjure up
The demons must be proud
For I have fallen
Right Into their hands

Where were you?
I really needed you
But now it's too late
I've already fallen
So save yourself
Before it's too late

little sister do you remember all those nights
I sat on the edge        softly folding my love            
your small body warm but heavy
my attempts at safety as I spun
apologies into lullabies
and read stories of ethereal landscapes
with orphaned children lost

I almost had you believing
we would be so much more
than our childhoods suggested
and in kings who ruled true
and queens who stayed brave

little sister can you imagine I am sorry
for all the nights I walked by your door
without stopping,  my footsteps echoing
the sacrifice I did not make
leaving you wanting
stories where nobody         needs to be saved