I wish I could
Package each and every single adjective that I have used to describe you thus far
And send them to you individually
So that you could have enough pieces
To make a portrait
Big enough to cover the entire night sky
Not missing an inch
So you could marvel at it the way I do
When you’re feeling down
And if it does nothing else
I hope it makes you smile
The way I do
When I’m down
I know I’m not a healer, and theres nothing I can fix
But I am a writer
So I’d like to give you this



I’ve dug deep inside myself and found pieces of you buried in the depths of my heart
Places I’ve never known
Places I want to discover



It’s funny cause
I’ve started and ended this poem about 34 times.
Today.
Alone.
I won’t address the other days.
This is a simple one...

I wonder if the lead in my pencil gets excited when I begin to write your name.

Sometimes, I’m jealous that it’s gotten to touch you before I have.

What’s sad is that
I’m deeper than every seed you’ve ever sown
Planted in you
Yet we never seem to grow
And I could write you ten thousand novels
About how we’re meant to be
I could swim to the bottom of the
Deep blue sea
And you still wouldn’t see
That it’s supposed to be me
That I’m supposed to say oui
Trying to turn a boy into a man
I find myself on bended knee
-----------------------------------------
Sunsets and swing sets
Wearing our Sunday’s best
Taking a deep Sunday snooze
After both being blessed
But I cannot rest
I must confess
I cannot stress it enough
I have been tested enough
I know I’m coming off strong
But I don’t mean to be rough
It’s just
It’s just
It’s just
I don’t know what to do with the tears anymore
Besides bottle them up
And use them to water
Every seed you’ve ever sown
In the garden of our love,
Maybe one day
We’ll grow
Maybe one day your soul
Will reach mine in eternity
Finally joining hand in hand
To plant itself in a soil so fertile
That people will be forced to call our love
The promised land

I uncap my pen in sheer expectation of the thoughts that I have of you to free themselves from the confines of my mind.

I want to write you.
I want to write to you.
I want to write about you.

I think I'm ready.

God's best construction to date was the pathway that led me to you. I am so thankful for the rugged pavement turned yellow brick road that led me to the comfort of your heart made of gold.

I want to learn you.
I want to memorize you.
I want to feel you.

I think I'm ready.

At your peak, you are grace. Full of forgiveness and mercy. At your plateau you are love, consistent and steady.

I want to hold you.
I want to know you.
I want to love you.

I am ready.

I fear nothing more
Than repeating
My past
Cause the one thing
It's shown
Me
Is that
Forever
Does not
Last

And I think I'll call these the lost nights.

The nights where the silence is all consuming. Shapeshifting into black holes.

The only light at the end of this tunnel used to be the sound of your voice.

But now I'm stuck between the four walls of my mind that taunt me with the secrets they hold in the form of my memories.

The most prevalent one says that you'll never call.

So far it's been right. Sometimes I ignore it.. But nights like these, it ricochets like gunshots. Screaming to be more than heard..

Screaming to be felt.

And once again I'm reminded that I'd rather it be your voice that broke the silence instead of my memory of it.

I think I'll call these the lost nights.

We are not light switches
Our relationship should not be off and on
If you want me
Let me know
If you do not want me
Let me know

And then..

And then he calls me baby,
As he places gently one hand along the right side of my waist
Pulling me into himself
Placing his forehead down upon mine so that he can look me directly into my eyes
Returning the stare with his big brown eyes
Letting me know that right now?
We're on.
Making me believe that this time, we might be on forever

And then..

And then he kisses me, and I’m sure
My body eases up from the tense stance I took in order to back up the seriousness in my voice, starting from my shoulders,
making it’s way down to my knees
I am weak
He knows what to do when we do what it do.

But in the morning...
He wakes up and he...
He doesn’t kiss me like he did the night before when he knew he was wrong, when he convinced me over and over that this time,
we were on

I roll over and let my feet dangle a few inches from the floor,
My body draped in the blanket that held last nights secrets and wasted tears...



The sun shines through the window and onto my skin

.
There's a certain darkness in the light it provides...

I feel it.
We're off again.