Dozens of days
still can't remember
my name

but you know it don't you?

gender is such a distraction
I can see the temptation
the relative ease
not having one

but I'm a woman
what a woman

disgraced and redeemed
over and over

desire and dismissal
obsession and obstetrics

cowered before villains
an army of millions marching behind me

told the plain truth
lying with only my smile

tripping over my words
in a stream of pure eloquence
there's  nothing left for me
but to be burned as a witch

cackling as the flames
flicker against my feet
a phoenix

A wildflower!
No one cares
'Bout him
Or her!
She blooms
In the realms
Of 'neglect'
Away from humans
And finds her
Final resort
There!
Oh but is she so unhappy?
Nature has her charms
Her guards
And above all
Her presence
For the wildflower!

Once I was a Butterfly,
With colored wings I flew so high,
Up toward the sun in the clear, blue sky.
Once I was a Butterfly.

Once I was a tall Pine-Tree.
I towered above the canopy,
And saw all that there was to see.
Once I was a tall Pine-Tree.

Once I was a Shooting Star.
Beyond the Moon I soared so far.
I burned so bright but did not char.
Once I was a Shooting Star.

Once I was an ocean Wave.
I splashed the children while they played.
I touched the sand but never stayed.
Once I was an ocean Wave.

Once I was a Little Girl,
Who thought the Earth was like a pearl,
But saw her dreams dashed by the world.
Once I was a Little Girl.

I always think of you.
I think of the color green:
the tint of old photos,
the lively dancing of your eyes,
your turtleneck in your
official schoolteacher portrait--
of summer--
the grass under my feet
as I run around the yard
so big to little me
and your wrinkled hand keeping me from running too far--
your curtains hanging in your dining room
when the sunlight peeked through them--
the cushions of the dining room chair
where you sat and talked and ate and
made funny faces
sometimes with curlers still in your hair--
the stems and leaves of wildflowers
that Grandpa picked for you
sitting in a coffee tin on the microwave--
the clover planted in empty ice cream pails
in the living room
and you telling me I was lucky
because I'd found one with four leaves--
the grassy **** blanket on the fold-out
bed in the living room where you
sometimes napped--
the bitter tea you drank
for your weak heart--
and the markings on the cannula tube
snaking up
to the oxygen mask
covering your smiles---
your laughing green eyes
on your last day.

When I am down, you make my darkness light
You melt my frozen heart with your burning fire
You greet me when I wake like the morning sun
When I am lost at sea you are my Northern Star
Guiding me home again, waiting like a candle
Brighter than any diamond you shine

You blind me and astound me how bright you shine
I gaze upon your beauty as you radiate light
You glow as though you are a soft candle
I am consumed by your wild fire
Your hair is like the sun and your eyes sparkle like a star
You warm my bones with your life-giving sun

I thrive in the constancy of the sun
With you at my side I can go through rain or shine
Ever constant ever true my ever fix-ed star
You bathe me in your soft warm light
I am cleansed in your purifying fire
You honor my memory with a memorial candle

Nothing lasts forever: a sacrificial candle
One day death will come even for the sun
The evening sky ablaze with celestial fire
The sun sets and the moon comes out to shine
There is balance: good and evil, darkness and light
I know all of you like I know every star

In your arms, we dance across the sea of stars
The millions of twinkling lights couldn't hold a candle
Shadows run away at the brilliance of your light
Against you, my dear, your light dims the sun
My love for you will always shine
You will burn strong and steady, an eternal fire

Here we sit side by side at the fire
A canopy of sky and a blanket of stars
Even in this darkness, still you shine
Bound together in the light of a single candle
Staying up just to greet the morning sun
To see a new day born to pure and glorious light

the voice in my mind can't possibly be my own
i've never spoken such cruel words to anyone
why would I do that to myself?
it must be a demon,
roaming my mind,
using  my own voice against me
to make me feel unloved
unwanted
replaceable
urging me, after every small incident
to **** myself
i'm worthless and no one would care after all
to the demon that rules my mind,
you've gone and made yourself at home
4 long years and counting
you've reduced m to tears more times than i can possibly count
i did not invite you in
one day,
during a vulnerable time,
the door was left open,
and you strolled in as though you owned the place
made yourself a cup of tea
made my body your entertainment system
broke me
over
and over
had be subbing till i had no more tears
had me wishing i was dead
it looks like you're her for the long run.
Well, in that case,
we better lay down some rules?
I'm in control and I always will be,
no matter how you may make me feel otherwise
i am the master of my own body.
i have a sad feeling those rules will never be followed
and my mind will continue being its playground
my soul an trampoline
and my body an artwork exhibition

She was remarkable
Easily the most beautiful
She was complicated
Her hair all tangled
Like a ball of yarn in the cats paw
And all I ever wanted in life
Was to sit by her
And help untie her knots