Ailment - Hello Poetry

Dec 2016

Kash

Weeding

The ******* roots of this thing are unbelievable.
They grow right into the crux of my inner most cognition.
Where the gears and bolts and pipes
and all the unseen mechanics of my little mind reside.
They grow inside and through and around.
They clog gears,
burst pipes,
loosen bolts.
I have weeds in my mind,
the kind that suffocate their host.
A fiery invasive species,
the ones that respect only fire and pesticides.

#illness #mental #thought #anorexia #grow #weeds #cognition

Dec 2016

Kash

Fuel 10w

I feel my flame flicker from blatant lack of fuel.

#10w #anorexia #10word #flame

Dec 2016

Kash

Disordered Dining

I am obsessed with me
And the space I occupy
Just to manipulate it
I betray you with lies

I cast charade
I make habits out of deceit
All so you don't know
what I don't eat

It's really ******* our loved ones.

#lies #eating #disorder #anorexia #deceit

Dec 2016

Eloi

Skinny

Don't listen to the pressure,
Who even said that skinny is better?
Those magazines and tv shows?
Being hateful is money and money is what they want.
So they will hate every minute of the day to make sure that their pay isn't going away.

Propaganda that visible bones is better,
Lies that skipping a meal is alright,
And teaching little girls that with their weight
They will always have to fight.

This is not how we were created to be,
We are all beautiful internally.
Don't listen to the pressure,
Skinny really isn't better.

Since I was 14 I've struggled with eating disorders, I think it's something that all young girls are self conscious about to some extent growing up because of what they see on social media X and in magazines.
It's really sad that some children will literally die trying to be as thin as they think they should be.
Eating disorders are often glorified nowadays,
And people don't realise the severity of it.

#love #sad #death #disorder #anorexia #bulimia #skinny

Dec 2016

Kash

Living With It

Do I belong in hospitals?
While I keep digging my own grave.
And I guess while I'm at it,
a mote to keep loved ones away.
My comfort and my misery,
why must they be one in the same?

#depression #disorder #thought #anorexia #recovery #treatment

Dec 2016

Kash

It's Not About My Body

I am a body of discontentment
Arms and legs of regret
Fingers of lies
A face of deceit
A torso of promised potential
All the parts together
Make up my human shape

In eating disorder treatment they tell you "it's not about your body." It isn't. It is about a whole hell of a lot more. But that is hard to see all the time. Most of the time.

#sad #depression #life #pain #alone #thought #anorexia #body #image

Dec 2016

Kash

My Situation

Now I've created a situation
Where I can't live a double life
I cornered myself
With a devastating confession
Now I am a wild animal
Observed and charted
From an inherent distance
Solitary by nature
And beaten by natural law

#depression #relationships #thought #anorexia #struggle #recovery

Dec 2016

Meghan Marie

My relationship with anorexia

I am in a relationship with food
and it is complicated.
A constant tug-of-war
in my mind
fighting each other
as if both sides of my brain
are siblings
and I am the toy.
The constant bickering
throwing me from one side of the spectrum
to the other.
Recovery verse Relapse
is the question.
Am i happier healthy
or not functioning at all?
I am in a relationship with food
and I'm still trying to end it
no matter how many times it wakes me up
in the middle of the night.

#sad #sadness #mentalillness #food #eatingdisorder #anorexia #bullimia

Dec 2016

Leia R

Anorexia

My darling girl

You're not happy with yourself,
It begins to affect your mental health

My darling girl

You lose weight ******* and then your concert tees don't fit anymore

My darling girl

You say that you want to heal
But how then? If you cannot feel.

My darling girl

I have nothing left to fear
For you my dear, a silent tear.

Please contact someone for immediate help if you are experiencing any symptoms of this serious illness.

#depression #mentalillness #rhyme #anorexia

Dec 2016

Kash

Thoughts In Me

I have feelings, like everyone else.
But when they are contained in me, they wreak havoc on my very bones.
How different must I be. If everyone else can maintain them.
While I fight and disdain them.

Harmless, they tell me. Thoughts are just thoughts.
I give them power when I let them talk.
But like it or not they are very convincing.
And I am weak against temptation.

#life #illness #death #thinking #mental #thought

Dec 2016

Kash

The Disorder

She slouched against the smoke stained wall
Her skeleton hands both trembled
She sighed heavily with effort
Then emptied another stiff drink

This was not the place to mention
But she revealed her affliction
Then shooed away further questions
Acting startled and offended

She knows I am familiar
With obsession and starvation
And the resolve to self-destruct
For never being good enough

But I witnessed devastation
Then I resolved to keep living
Or at least to keep on trying
A death’s not worth its weight in grief

Now I can't just shake this from her
Reorganize her scrambled mind
Retract my own comradery
And convince her she will be fine

So dangles her mortality
In faces of those surrounding
Watching us plead desperately
While she starves something worth feeding

Dec 2016

Kash

Feeding Tube

I'm ashamed because I have to be
attached to a foreign thing.
They say that it will nourish me,
this deep embedded fang.
It leaches a nutrient poison
so that I will occupy space.
A plan I so rejected
they forced the tube down through my face.

I am in treatment for anorexia.

#life #pain #eatingdisorder #anorexia #recovery #hospital

Dec 2016

Kash

Anorexia

There is a savage inside me
To ravish just everything
That could be held sacred or near
It both is me and destroys me
A parasite I created
Now my savior is poisonous
And it's something I won't drink
Because the way it will change me
Reinvent my form and structure
All before the thing will rupture

#life #pain #anorexia