I don't know where you go
I'm not allowed to ask
So I go to the dark corners of my mind
The same place that you were last
A place that you once ran from
Is where you're running to
as I fill in the time
like a martinet
always waiting for you

For me on your way,

Tell them I miss them

in every single way

Their glittering like gems

It aches more than words can say

The divets and patches across the stars

Are mirrored in my heart

As I dig my feet into the grass

Empty spaces pierced with Twinkles

Like lightning bugs in jars

Memories fade to dark

Ill sustained by lengthy time apart

May they not forget me

Collectively my spark

I'll pass on my memories

I'll strike a light so bright

it leaves a mark

not visible by so far

But caught up in solar whispers

May it carry from star to star

And tell you of news and how we are

Making a way back

To kiss you close

message from afar

A kiss on the solar wind

Travelling from quasar to quasar

With passion,

Your long lost love.

The House is in order.
Under the dome
Green carpets
soaked in blood
echo barbaric silence.

Complicit walk hand in hand
goons are masters
governance a slave
for they rule the living and the dead.

The deity, an accomplice,
rides waves of black coats
and saffron fallen leaves.

Paradise mourns humanity,
wailing, asking...
Would they want to
upturn the corpse and
see the face of their daughter?


12 April 2018
on the abduction, **** by multiple people and ****** of an 8 year old girl inside devastahan (a temple) in Kathua, J&K

I kind of miss how it was back then. I regret alot of things, but I wish I could go back in time and relive it all, even all the things I regret. Although I may be a bit slow and stupid at times, at least I was a sincere and good willed person. I may not have known how to express myself, but I always did feel genuine happiness being around others. However, now I'm not sure whether I can continue being a genuine person anymore. Although I'm so much more insightful now, along with that insight came more bitterness and resentment to weigh me down. I'm not sure if I have the strength to let the good side of me win in the end. Life really is a struggle. All the more so when you are the only one who can acknowledge your internal struggles. All the more so when you can acknowledge the choices you can make... but you may not have the strength that it takes to not give in to the bitterness and resentment that builds as you grow older. It's so easy to let yourself go, to let your conscience drown and sink into a bottomless, deep, dark pit where there's nothing but just anger, emptiness, remorse, self pity, an empty will to live. It's so easy....
Sometimes all my words are just another hidden form of calling out for help. It makes me feel so pathetic and weak willed, but there is not much else I can do without harming myself or the people around me.
I suppose somewhere within this tangled mess of a life, I just feel lost and dazed, and alone. I don't mean anyone else harm though; I never have and never will.
I kind of miss how it was back then.
Even though I may have been a bit slow and stupid at times, even if that had been apparent, couldn't you all have just accepted, maybe even loved, me for who I was, for the innocence, sincerity, kindness, and unconditional love I expressed?

Eating meals together
Sharing the same drink
Buying the same things
Walking home together
are you are friend or a lover?
whatever, whoever you are
The times spent with you were always beautiful

Clumsy mistakes that brings forth
Laughter that could reach the heavens
The times spent with you were always beautiful

Consolation by your kind words
Comfort upon your shoulders
The times spent with you were always beautiful

Beauty fades
Washed away by the river of time
Brings forth my friend's betrayal

Innocence fleeting like dreams
The memory of you brings forth sorrows
The pure feeling with you will never return
The times spent with you are still beautiful
Beautiful
and
Painful

Old soldiers never Dies

A neighbour of mine used to be a serjeant in the army,
in his living room, he had a picture of himself, in full uniform
that had many medal and ribbons on.
He served in many countries, Singapore and Germany, I think
he was the head of the motor pool; then the army let him
go it has no place for old men, and his pension was a disgrace.
Once he repaired my car, barking orders of what screwdriver he
wanted, shook his over my incompetence.
It was a day in October when the weather was hanging about like
a soldier who has not got his order; he went to bed for his afternoon
nap, when his wife brought him tea and biscuits at five, he had gone to a military parade in the sky.