She doesn't write poetry about me anymore.
I wonder why.

With every inhale of smoke
comes every exhale of regret
My need for relief relies
on paper and tobacco
and I am chained
to their demands

I have no idea how I came into this world

I have no family or a place I can call home

But I know there are many more like me

Traveling in 2s 3s and 4s

Its been hard since day one

I stay with everyone and anyone who can afford me

I stay with them, through their times of need

Stress, Break-up Divorce and even Death

I have to endure his clumsy and groping touch

without a being told twice

During the middle of the night or in the dead of winter

For days months and perhaps even years

While he uses me til his 5 minutes of satisfaction are up

And when he is done

He will throw me to the curb, where I will lay naked and spent


Who am I ?

If you wander off
The beaten path
Alone
Then you are
A lost hiker

If you wander off
The beaten path
With friends
Then you are
Adventurers

*It's too bad I'm always alone

If I fall
I doubt anyone would care

And if they did,
They'd probably be
Relieved

Not concerned

More of a
"Finally,
She's gone"
Sort of thing

Not a
"Oh no,
She's slipping"
Sort of thing

But if for some odd reason
You see me falling
And want to help

Just walk away
Just let me fall

You can't catch me
I'm too heavy
From the weight of
Lies and regrets

We would both fall then
And it would be my fault

So if you see me falling
Follow your instinct,
*And just walk away

You ask me
If I've considered suicide
Like I'm actually going to answer
Honestly

I mean,
What would I say?

Yeah that's all I think about
Please,
Put me on piles of medicine
So I can be crazy
As well as sad

But let me tell you
I most definitely
Have considered it

I've got the perfect tree picked out

It's got the perfect branch
For hanging yourself
There's a rope already attached

Or if you prefer,
It's easy to climb
You could always just jump

These are two options
But wait,
I've got more

There's a lake out back
It smells bad
But you could definitely still drown

Or better still,
There's a great knife in the kitchen
Really thin blade
But it's super sharp
For minimum pain
And maximum blood

Yet still,
There's more

I've got duct tape in the basement
You could make yourself suffocate

Of course,
You could use your pillow for that

There are the long ways

You could starve yourself
Sleep deprivation
Dehydration
Etcetera

So Mr.
"Psychological Doctor,"
I don't know...

Would you say I've thought about suicide?

You think life is going well,
but in reality it's like you are locked up in a cell.
Every moment flashes before your eyes,
you hate those sorry 's and those lies.
You wish you could redo what you already started,
but it was already reported and outsmarted,
You always think about the what ifs and maybes,
I'm just asking please safe me.
We make mistakes we are only human,
we wish we were superhuman.
We have days that we want to forget,
you just can't help it but get upset.
You can't help but stare at the sky,
thinking about what might of been,and then you start to cry.
You never felt this angry,you just don't know what to do,
you just prey and hope that someday you outgrew.
You blame the world for your own mistakes,
you are so ignorant of what's at stake.
You see the world in black and grey,
you just hope when you go to bed it will all go away.

I remember the first time I got bullied,
I felt like I was being discouraged.
You think the world evolves around you,
you know I don't think that's true.
Did you ever think how it might hurt me,
of course you didn't, you only wanted your friends to see.
I will never understand why?
all you ever do is lie.
You are so heartless,
you never realise that I'm crying alone in the darkness.
I remember when you were racist,
you don't know how much that hurt and what I might be facing.
I know sometimes I was stupid to react,
but you hurt me so bad that I had no choice but to snap.
You know sometimes I am scares to even go to school,
but as I learned you just have to keep it cool.
I remember when you wrote a racist letter,
you know I couldn't stop crying,
and hoping for something better.
I wish someday you could realise what you done,
but I could never forgive you for the pain that you caused and that you thought it was fun.

So, that's it then? I just hand my heart to you and get it back broken?

Surrounded by people
But at the same time,
Alone

"Kami na ni A"
Or in English
"Me and A are official now"
Exact words you told me

Those were the most
Hurtful, painful, distressful words
I have ever heard from you
And I don't know what to say

I don't know what to feel
I know I'm happy for you
Bc finally she answered you after a year.
The long wait is over for you.

But my tears
They fell, escaped, from my eyes.
I was not able to help myself
I am literally crying my eyes out right now

Maybe you are currently jumping in joy
But what you don't know is that
I am in pure agonizing pain right now
Like someone stabbed a knife in my heart