This is a deception; it's a masquerade

You'll of course picture a cheerful parade

I'll fade from your memory; happy and smiling

Often laughing and most times beguiling



Take no note of my mask's crumbling surface

I lived through my life without any purpose

And I'll always stay trapped, inside of your mind

A guy, willingly helpful and foolishly kind



But behind the scenes, I'll cry myself to sleep

And this illusive image, of me I will keep

I've never held close, my family and friends

But you'll never know this, until the show ends



The show, it'll end suddenly; so that you may see

How quickly the world has changed without me

And I'll be left fading, from the people's mind

As they cherish every moment, of me left behind



I'll carefully fold and leave behind this note

Stained with tears and guilt; last one that I wrote

As you slowly reveal in it, the many reasons why

I finally decided it was time for my "goodbye"



You'll re-read it, you'll drop it and begin to cry

And you'll remain this girl, broken and shy

As my gentle words leave trails of tears engraved

You regret me being the one, that you could have saved



You'll uncover my pain; I was bruised and torn

As too many nights passed, I wished I wasn't born

Then you'll tear up, regret accepting my fate

You'll realise that we shared the same stupid hate



And in the distance, the wind chimes they'll sing

As the bitter Winter slowly fades to Spring

I'll stay captive, in a cage of reminiscence

As you embrace my fading image of innocence



So I closed my eyes, I died weak but brave

And I know that someday, you'll stand upon my grave

And the Autumn leaves, they'll whisper my name

As you gently bow down, your head in shame

All alone I sit,

Waiting for the day,

When finally someone will come along,

And never walk away.



I cry myself to sleep,

As I think about the pain,

My heart is now silent,

I just think there's nothing left to gain.



Sometimes the pain is just too much,

That I just want to forget,

So I depart from the aching rest,

And a blade I soon will get.



A hurting heart,

And hidden scars,

I always wonder,

Why I am so far.



I' silent about the pain,

The depression,

And the strife,

Because no one seems to care,

So I drag the piercing knife.



Blood starts to spill,

Memories seem to flee,

And for one sweet instant moment,

I start to feel free.



I drag the blade again,

More blood gushing out,

The pain has taken over,

As I scream and shout.



Much time has passed,

The depression never left,

I feel isolated from joy,

Because no matter what... I can't forget.

The urge to make
Pretty patterns with ink
On the delicate peice of paper, wanting emotions
Making a small blot at the end of my confession,
Sinking all my life's recessions
Thinking all the time I didn't do my work with precession
And left everything just to decorate a small peice of paper with agression.

All these little letters mean a lot
But they are a patch in my life
Just like the unwanted ink blots,
They won't wash away
And if they do,
The patterns would merge with the cleanliness
Moving on to the gutter's way.

My words are my life
My soul doesn't matter as much
For if I give up my soul, these rife
Words would thrive
At some corner of this huge universe
Just as small as a seed of sand,
They'll live forever
Even as little ink blots,
Someone would someday discover
There tiny dots
I am not the one who cares if
He reads it or throws it away
But mark my words as I say
My letters are alive
And in someone's heart these blots will forever stay.

I have been a lonely cloud,
Floating around at one place,
Looking down at the solitute ground,
Looking for a familiar face.

All countanances for me are strange
Leave me here and all I do is stare
All the bare ground is filled up with remorseful beings
And I am one of them floating up in the air
I am one of them but lonely and shy

I blush safron when the sun embraces me with its beams
I rain when my emotions are stored so much in me
That once in a while I have to let it all out.

I am so far away and beyond everyone's reach,
Just like the core of the earth they walk on
I am no different from it,
It's just that don't *look up at me.

I am a lonely cloud
And I want to stay away
I want to follow the winds
I want to travel and sway
I want to be a part of another world
Where there's anywhere to stay
A place where I'll have my say.

You have no idea
Just how lucky you are
You have nothing to fear
For you, life isn't hard

You may complain
About being less important
But please, there is no shame
In meaning something to others

You whine about being the third wheel
But in your good fortune I reel
Because although you may not be the first choice
At least you are not alone.