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And I'll whisper your name on my lips
That brief moment when I could still feel you there
It's an empty space that I don't wish to replace
anytime soon

You meet certain people at the right time
They come into your life for a few minutes, hours
even years

Sometimes you get those people who are meant to be
lessons, mixed up with the ones who will always stay

And sometimes you fall so ******* hard
you stumble through the days
Forget time exists

Your brain is wasted on fantastical thoughts
and unrealistic expectations
That narrative you wrote in your head
doesn't actually exist

And if we don't tell the people we fall for
how we feel, are we supposed to go
through life wondering what if?

Cut the ******* cord
burn it to ash
*******, just tell that person
and who knows
the feelings may not last

A temporary feeling
They could just crumble away
and isn't that so true of the time we are given?
I won't let myself wait for you

We waste it away
and wonder years later
what happened to that person
we thought we loved so much

It was like a fire inside of my heart
the logs burned long and bright
Oh, but darling it was snuffed out
without a fight

I was never worth fighting for
And if you don't go down screaming
for the ones you love
what is the ******* point?

I want to feel ALL of you
the warm breath on my skin
Whispering nonsensical *******
into my ear
it doesn't even matter
or have to make sense

And to taste you would
be a sweet ******* dream
Always slightly out of reach
And that hail storm hits you
knocks you off that pedestal
where I so foolishly held you

And your fingers, those hands
once held this face, these hips
and I forgot what it felt like
to love, the way you taste

To have any ounce of hope
and it ******* hurts
Knowing I can't have you here
the way I want you
Unavailable in so many ****** ways

I crush my own heart
I don't need help from anyone else
And yet you are still here, not
actually here with me
An intangible thought

Your body makes me want
to commit sins the gods would
strike me down
for thinking such thoughts
Please, forgive me, I'll confess

Your lips leave me hanging here
like the former shell of a human
a ghost without a home
because home was always with you

I could turn these buildings to ash
with these flames inside of my chest
It was beautiful to watch it all burn

I was worth fighting for
We were worth fighting for
and you let it all go to ****

All of these moments with you
disappear into the abyss
© 2020 Christina Jackson
just some **** I wrote while trying to avoid my problems, don't think it worked
The spring that wouldn’t end

We locked ourselves in
Sunlight became
Fluorescent bulbs and
candlelight for some

And we couldn’t breathe
airways became sirens
and the world fell silent

Out of the storm
We have united-
A shift in consciousness

It was the spring
that wouldn’t end

We thought we were
Invincible
But found out how
dispensable we had become

And becoming became a
part of our daily ritual
and our guns became
masks and bleach

We thought we were safe

The lies spilled out
over the news station
radio waves

Official orders became
streetlights
As if we were all grounded
for staying out after dark

We weren’t smart
playing dead was
no longer a game
Sunday morning cartoons
became one thousand people dead
and all before 8 a.m!

We the people disobeyed
the chief in command
A murderer
The 1% will never understand

Nurses and doctors
suddenly became war
heroes
We cheered them on and
though they tried
Thousands started dropping
like flies

They called it mismanagement
I call it a crime

The spring that wouldn’t end
bleeds into summer
and the traffic lights are
blinking warning signs

We are moving too fast
it will never end

And the tyrants started
to look like giants
We’ve drawn back
the curtain
between love and hate

Division of lives
we conquered divided lines
and we drew lines in the sand
S.O.S
Screaming at the top
of our lungs

Lungs that have grown
vulnerable, to an invisible enemy

Picking its victims at random
And our answers to
questions unanswered
lie at the bottom of Petri dishes

And our kitchen cabinets
became locked targets

People hoarded the markets
of supplies, ripped out
root and stem
We bought all the wrong things
and we’re surprised when
it didn’t keep us safe

And those megaphones
turned into noise
canceling headphones

Your words don’t matter

But hey, take solace in
knowing we still have each other

Hugs turned into construction
barricades

Don’t stand so close to me
When coughs and holding
hands became the most
dangerous weapons to wield

So we used soap as shields
Kept each other in our
“thoughts and prayers”

Still believing something
invisible could cure us
When the very thing was
killing us

They called you a martyr
for leaving your home
in plain clothes

Menacing eyes follow you,
remember
Stay six feet apart
Because “droplets won’t spread
that far” -we promise!

And to the man who
led the command
you didn’t keep us safe
Your words became
bioweapons
terrorizing the land

And it didn’t matter
if you turned off the t.v
you were still there
spreading lies
spewing hateful
rhetoric

And the history books
won’t forget about us
Not again

We will always remember
the spring that
wouldn’t end

Our news feeds
were filled up
The grids became slower
We didn’t plan for this
[oh but we did, I tell ya!]

There are some who
are thriving
Finding their way in
the darkness

Pardon me, could be
a little more quiet?
You’re disrupting the
regularly scheduled
program on war and
violence

And some became so
blinded by hate that
country of origin
was more important
than a human life

And how did they report it?

We became experts
in the art of hard targets
We had more
coffins than nails
and hammers

Virtual funerals
became a thing
When family and
friends “Party of 20”
didn’t mean the
same thing

Quickly, hide your children
hide the old and the wise
“They are most vulnerable”
lock them up inside

And we tried to
save the college
graduate
Who had no known
preexisting conditions
and as he gasped
for air

He blamed the politicians
for sending them down
the wrong path to
righteousness

And he became
just another number
on any given day

During the spring
that wouldn’t end

So we partied on
live streams-
danced in virtual
clubs
Made friends with
strangers
learned how to love

There were those
who logged
hundreds of hours
building their fantasy
worlds
Where Tim and Tom became
just as prolific as Jack and Jill

And somehow through
it all
We found love in the
time of COVID-19

During the spring
that wouldn’t end
© 2020 Christina Jackson
I could go on and on, but you get the point, right?
May 10 · 466
Trigger warning
Fresh painted
were the nails
scratching the pavement

She screamed

The rag which gagged
her mouth
reeked of kerosene
she felt skin breaking
scraping against pavement
cold and wet

She screamed

Calloused hands gripped
and groped her ******* tight
Twisting like screws into wood
All the air left her lungs

Trembling, shaking
he whispered "just take it" and
"you probably won't make it"

She was defeated
she couldn't scream

******, bruised and broken

And though she made it
Her hands could never
touch pavement-
again
© 2020 Christina Jackson
May 8 · 110
A lack thereof
When you lose the motivation
to keep breathing

Feeling-

The apathy settles in
Like an old friend
Unwelcome, locked doors
keys thrown aside

You tried

You feeling nothing anymore
it's all been a lie
© 2020 Christina Jackson
May 8 · 305
Ferocity
I am not for the meek
the weak
or the faint of heart

I am fire
And passion

Blazing trails of dust
in the faces of every man
that wronged me

And now I wake
Rise to the occasion
and let the sorrow in

Today is for the wicked
and tomorrow we sin
© 2020 Christina Jackson
Apr 4 · 152
Breaking through
And new callouses formed-
hardening the once bloodied
and broken skin

Roots broke through
old dirt
now renewed

Part the seven seas
The veins of earth,
need to breathe

We've come undone,
time to reweave-
the fabric of ourselves
hath been redeemed.
©2020 Christina Jackson
literally just gardening today so bored i want quarantine to end
I will always be waiting in between
worlds-

The moment within the moment

Where your arms were once wrapped
around me.

I can still feel you there, next to me.
©2020 Christina Jackson
A draft I never published from 2015, why the **** not right?
Apr 4 · 146
Muddy waters
Under the covers we keep-
a secret so deep

Poseidon swam away
screaming

Swallowed whole-
His trident sunk to the bottom

You'll never find him
©2020 Christina Jackson
uhhh IDK
Apr 4 · 835
The reappearing act
We all have demons-

The difference between,
you and me-

I choose to feed them.

They live rent-free,
unwanted guests trapped
in the abyss of my memories

I cannot hide
it's all in my mind

separation of church and
state
There is no redemption

Last call, fist fight-
getting over the words
inside of my mind

I must be dreaming
it's all deceiving
©2020 Christina Jackson
stream of conscious
Apr 3 · 66
Time jump
And suddenly, without warning-
A fire ignited inside of her

Years of dormancy
Emerging from her slumber

Starting over is some kind
of wonderful
©2020 Christina Jackson
Little thoughts
Jul 2019 · 206
Shadow people
And there was nothing but blackness
as far as the eye could see
She was spinning tops in her head
swatting the demons away like fleas

Unbeknownst to her, disease was setting in
Spreading like wildfire, she screamed
As they welcomed themselves in
No invitation was needed, for she had conceded

The darkness was swallowing her once again

Her yearly ritual, the grin of a ghastly figure stood over her whistling the familiar tune
She knew it was time to shut her eyes, so swallowing her pride;
Two sarcastic pills appeared in her hand, this time she couldn't disguise the screams.

Choking and convulsing
Sweating and foaming

She awoke the next morning, the whites of her eyes-
Nearly plum wine as if the vines had drawn little lies to remind her of last night.

She wouldn't let them win-
with a wink and a drink she drew the curtains of dread
Light flooded toward her
In the blink of an eye she drew a big smile
and the sun warmed her icy veins
Basking in her new found perspective

She wouldn't let the demons win.
© 2019 Christina Jackson
Oct 2017 · 436
Piano Blues
And if I could cry-
for just a little while
My body would run dry

Tear ducts, like air ducts
I need a replacement
The ventilation is all wrong

Misty and fogged glasses-
Impair my vision
Remove them and I am blind

Blind to the heartache-
the metaphorical bleeding
inside of my mind

Every day the pain grows-
Grows roots, roots that once
kept me grounded

Now I'm surrounded-
by the demons I once
banished

Rip the roots from my feet
and all I'm left with is nothing.

Nothing but darkness
and blank space

Dark and deep
The black hole In which I keep you
Swirls infinitely

I brace myself for impact
the meteorite sets it sights
on my chest
****** target, take aim and
gain flight

Don't miss, you'll regret it

I could be angry, but what's the point?

You're gone forever
and never coming back
© 2017 Christina Jackson
Happy birthday daddy <3 I miss you every day
Oct 2017 · 623
Wake UP
When the wind blows loosely across
my sun-kissed skin
I can feel you-
Running through the veins of my
hallowed out hopes and dreams.

When I close my eyes in the dark of night
I can see you-
Running through my littered distraught
mind.

You wake me from my dreams
Bolt upright, lungs feel airtight
I'm gripping my sheets, gasping for air

I can still feel you here
In spirit and soul

I never truly understood the
nature of suffering, until you
left me here.
© 2017 Christina Jackson
We silently weep
You wouldn't know it
under the covers we keep-
All the tears saved away

We silently weep
Beneath the pale skies of night

Where no one can see-
The tears welling up inside

We walk like giants in the day
Show no fear, or bottled up pain

We silently weep
as the white horses
roll towards the rocks

Crashing down, the waves
envelop us, drowning out
our muttered cries.

We silently weep
into ancient depths
of oceans lost-
Where our tears go
but are never forgotten
© 2017 Christina Jackson
Mar 2017 · 277
Wounded
So? How about it now?
Just one look

Don't cry

There's that look again in your eyes

So? How about it now?
Just one look

Don't cry

That pain you feel inside?
It's eating away at you inner light

Promise me, hand in hand
We'll see each other again

Closed eyes, short of breath
Is your heart beating lightning fast?

Cause I'm trembling here, without you

So? How about it now?
One last goodbye

Please, I'm begging you

Don't cry

I'm always here

Through the depths of time and space
I can feel you here, reaching out for me

It's not impossible

It's only a holographic world
Space and time and distance,
are limiting your mind

So? How about it now?
Can you feel your hand in mine

Reaching out for you
from limitless dimensions

Please, I'm begging you

Don't cry

It was just an illusionary device
You conjured up in your head

So? How about it now?

The demons won again
© 2017 Christina Jackson
Oct 2016 · 288
126 days
One hundred and twenty-six days-
sober.
I thought I was strong enough
What the **** is the point of thinking
you have free will when this poison touched
my lips again?
After 126 days-
I convinced myself I was okay, that I could
"handle" just one drink
But one turned into more-
and I've had enough in my lifetime...
© 2016 Christina Jackson
there is nothing profound about my relapse, these words are just words..and nothing more.
Sep 2016 · 240
Thieves of the Night
Death does not wait;
Nor does life.

I fight and I fight
With no end in sight

Death does not wait;
Nor does life.

I wither in pain
hollow inside and out

my flame does not burn
It’s been snuffed out.

In Death and Life

There is no end,
no end in sight.
© 2016 Christina Jackson
I wish I could feel again-
Breathe again, open up my airways
to new life.
I'm living as an empty shell-
I want to feel what it's like to be alive.
I can't describe the way numb feels,
because you feel nothing, or
you feel too much, used up.
Like an old record, skipping past the
best parts of the song.
You want so badly to listen again,
but the record is broken, and you cannot
find a replacement.
I'm tired of wearing this armor-
The pain is unbearable, almost too much
to muster up the courage and face the world.

I'd rather feel PAIN than feeling NOTHING at all.
© 2016 Christina Jackson
May 2016 · 557
Lover, I love no more
I loved you more than words could ever show-
You were this cosmic rope holding an infinite sea,
keeping me afloat.
A million lifetimes have passed since we first met-
I feel as though that rope now has been cut,
The door once open and welcoming, now shut.

I need you here now
I need you to see me silently bow-
And praise the universal gods that led me
to you.
Because after all, without you how would
I have learned to feel, truly feel something real?

With every heart string that’s plucked,
I bless the life I’ve been given.  
You showed me what could have been,
and what will never be.

And as much as my bitter heart breaks, every time
that thought invades my mind, I’m still grateful.
Eternally and hopelessly grateful for you.

The window once open has now
since been shut.
Everything and everyone in my life-
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
© 2016 Christina Jackson
I wrote you a eulogy
but it sounded more
like a speech rather than
a compass leading
towards peaceful harmony.

I cannot explain the
true nature of your death
and how much it has turned
our lives around.

Your granddaughter will never
see you grow older, and you will
never see her grow older.

She's going to wonder where
you are, the same age as I pondered,
where exactly your father was.

Only I got the courtesy of being seven
years old and remembering a rainy *******
funeral service, it got so bad that I was too short
to stand outside the cemetery and honor my
fathers father.

I cannot explain to you how difficult it
has been being the daughter that hasn't
mattered. The one without the kid, husband
or college degree.

You gloated about her endlessly
and I am so happy you talked about
her and her daughter.

However, for once I would love to know
what it is like to be the one you are proud of.

My intelligence, it stems from yours.
I'm not mad, or even sad you didn't
tell others how alike we are.
I am just going to have to understand
what you were thinking.

And accept the fact that I will never know.

As far as I can understand you have
always been proud of me, regardless
of how I lived my life.

I love you, and I'll miss you
Enjoy the afterlife
© 2016 Christina Jackson
RIP Dad, April 15th, 2016
My apologies for the terrible rhyming in this poem.
Apr 2016 · 534
Dear Dad
Words cannot explain the way I feel
at this moment.
I watched you die, I watched you
slip from this life.

Chest compressions, nurses on top
of your hospital bed giving you
CPR and trying to save your life.

It took you five hours to die-
3 critical codes. cardiac arrest.

I saw your heart, the echocardiogram
Your heart was beating so slowly,
I could barely watch what was happening
outside of the emergency room.

I felt numb, I felt nothing;
in the moment, I couldn't feel
a **** thing.

I have cried many times and
I feel absolutely guilty for going
out to dinner, and spending time
with friends and family without
you here.
I know you wouldn't want me
to stop living my life.
But by god do I feel guilty for
trying to live my life.

This poem isn't eloquent or even
beautiful. However, I feel I had to
release this pain I've been feeling.

It's as though a knife has cut straight
down from my chest to my stomach.

This pain is inconsistent-
heart disease is so common
Most people don't even think
about it until they are in the same
situation.

I can't write anymore,
if I do I'll end up falling apart.
© 2016 Christina Jackson
RIP Dad, April 15th, 2016
My apologies for the terrible rhyming in this poem.
Apr 2016 · 307
Catharsis
Anxiety meds take control-
over my heart, brain, and soul.

In these past few months-
I haven't yet learned how
to take control.

The mind is a beautiful
thing to waste.

And I have wasted
away slowly, day by day.

I'm finally seeing a therapist,
and that has made all the
difference & no judgements
have been made.*

© 2016 Christina Jackson
Mar 2016 · 192
True Love
I'm going to eat
so many chips
and cookies

THE END.

© 2016 Christina Jackson
Nov 2015 · 289
The Residual Effect
I tried- with comprising eyes
Yet you loved her with all that was
beautiful and wise.

My inevitable demise-

I was an afterthought;  I couldn't
keep what was brooding inside.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Blowing in the wind, are the
remnants of "us".
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Nov 2015 · 378
Lifeline
I've been waiting-
For the life that's draining
from these veins-
To come alive and revive me again.

These cuts are a violating-
obsessive compulsive disorder
I cannot, refrain.

As I stare down at the blackness
of my blood.
I wonder if this is all-
that I am made up of.

It's as though little streams
of water are running down my
legs.
The scent of copper, and the warmth
of the sun.

I can feel it on my skin.

Enveloping me

Crawling through my blood

Reviving me again.
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Sep 2015 · 337
Devils Cut
They call it Devils Cut
90 proof, a bottle full
of liquid luck.

I drown myself-
in the bottle of
delicious lustful
drunkenness

Waiting for you
to come home to me.

But-

I will never have you-
As I want you.
Your love runs deep-
deep into my bones.

There will always be
remnants of you, crawling
through my skin.

The gentle breeze of a
summers wind-
Reminds me of
every hanging whim.

I love you dearly
and the devil
cut my heart-
ever so cleanly.

You are no where
near, and never will be.

Always an invisible force-
waking me from my dreams.
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Jul 2015 · 696
Cosmological Constant
I know you
I know your soul

Deep down into the darkest corners
of your pain and strife-

I have searched and found,
there is magic in your eyes

The type of magic you see
gleaming from a newborn
just discovering the world
for the first time.

Ancient melodies flow through
your bones as if the universe
is speaking through you-
In cosmic foreign tongues.

Your heart speaks to mine as if
we've known each other for
millions of lifetimes.

There is a comfort in knowing that
I will always carry your heart within mine.

The connection between self and soul,
is something only spoken in fairy tales.
It is wondrous and fantastical.

The magnetic pull of the earth
is constantly bringing me back to you.
As if no other existed before, and no
other will exist after.

There is only the here and now
All we have is this moment and
this breath of life.
The air traveling through our lungs, the
blood pumping in our veins-
It is all we have.

We are all living on borrowed time
and you are timeless.
In all essence and glory
You are the reason I keep drawing
breath from these often weakened
lungs.

The pain you feel travels through
my heart and soul-
As if lightning has struck when
you run into an existential wall.

I know you
I know your soul
It lives within me
You are part of my daily breath
and it will never leave me.
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Jul 2015 · 418
Transylvania
I want to live alone in a castle
with grand pianos and organs
playing as I walk by-
The desolate echoed and hallowed
halls will mimic my muttered cries

The strings of the ***** replicate
my baritone barely beating heart
And the piano cries out to me-

Key by key, by key.
They are calling to me

The instruments of the night

And I will live like a vampire,
only to come out at night
To watch the stars and enjoy
the moon on a lonely winters night..
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Jul 2015 · 350
Reprieve
Cold and sterile
the lights are blinding
as I walk down these
empty and hallowed
hallways.

The stench of death fills
the air.
I reach for your bedside
feeling remorse and regret.
The only father I'll ever have

So frail

Don't give in

You still breathe life within
you- it's not over yet.
Don't give up on us,
more importantly don't
give up on you.

Your wife, mother, sister, daughters
and granddaughter need you.
Despite the way you've lived your
life, we still love you and always
will.

The stench of death lingers
in the sterile air.
Our life force gives you the
strength to stay alive
and is keeping you here
against your free will and pride.

Don't give up, don't give up.

As if the clogged arteries weren't
enough, your heart is still beating
I won't let it stop.

I love you and that should be enough.

© 2015 Christina Jackson
Jun 2015 · 284
Grasping at straws
To hold you, even just for a little while
Eternity in a hour

Time is such a sweet commodity

Your warm arms around me, there's
no place I'd rather be.

Forever tangled up in you,
would be the most wonderful
dream come true.
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Jun 2015 · 301
Red Fades to Black
You will never love me, as I love you.
This universal pull on my heart is so
strong, its suffocating me.

Here, in the dead of night I shed
my wings and die a little more inside.

The pieces of me fall away, turning into
remnants lost in time.

This silence is deafening-
and I cannot breathe knowing
you don't love me as I love you.

I am colorless, suffering from
a lack of color.
My heart no longer red, but now
ash, simply black and dead.
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Jun 2015 · 425
The beast within
I want to eat you-
Devour you whole
Remind you of your
primal goal.

The essence of self and soul

Skin on skin
Animalistic in nature

Nature vs Nurture
I nurture all of my
****** roles

Sweat dripping off of my chest
Sliding across yours

In hopes of healing-
our empty molds

Skin on skin
Animalistic to the core

I want to keep you-
under me, beside me
behind me.

Until we've forgotten the whole world
© 2015 Christina Jackson
May 2015 · 298
The well of despair
I can feel the sadness in your bones
Lovely, dark and deep
Your heart needs a home
But I've got miles to go before I sleep
Those eyes that stare up at me are increasingly bleak
But I've got promises to keep

And miles to go before I'm at peace
© 2015 Christina Jackson
So not a rip off of robert frost, just the poem is so embedded in my head that when I wrote this, the words flowed out this way!
May 2015 · 313
Enter the void
Your words have become voids-
in the vast universe,
I awake from my dreams
and feel you next to me

An invisible energy that cannot
be touched or seen.

I want to feel your life force
your warm body beside me

The void of your words have become
the abysmal fog that floats
through my mind

I can neither imagine life with it
or without
You encompass the whole of my
existence
without existing in any physical
shape or form.

You have become the beautiful sunrise
by which the light creeps through
my windows each morning
and the comforting moonlight
before I drift off into another
sleepless, painstaking night.

I want you next to me, the void of
your words are replaced by the silence
of your eyes peering back into mine.

The most terrifying, yet relieving
feeling I have ever felt in my life.
© 2015 Christina Jackson
May 2015 · 209
Forever in an hour
I have no words for how much I miss you, I am speechless and growing mute.
You were always a piece of me, attached as though a puzzle
You've pieced me back together, little by little.
I'm growing smaller by the day
eventually I'll be nothing but
little bits of dried up clay
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Apr 2015 · 313
Title (optional)
Getting drunk
and staring at the wall-
I'm an expert
and this will not rhyme

The slur of words
I can't even comprehend
right now are incredibly
asinine

Drinking life from a bottle
is a sure fire way
to get knocked down

But that's life-
isn't it so divine?
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Apr 2015 · 316
Incomplete
I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
My mind has wandered far, far
and away.
I cannot seem to fathom this reality,
dreams are my only escape.

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
This world is too much for me,
you have always been my reason
to stay.

Without you I am numb to the world,
and I want so badly to feel again-
To feel you again.

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Apr 2015 · 266
10,000 fists in the air
She lives her life a lie,
hiding behind bruises and black eyes
All she wants is for people to know who she truly is inside,
She's so afraid to leave but wants to believe that what she has is worth the pain.
She can't seem to find a way to escape the sadness within her heart.
If only she knew there were people out there that would help her start a new life.
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Yes I realize the title is a "disturbed" song, but it totally fits.
Apr 2015 · 260
Unfinished
It was easy to say you were
all that I needed in this life.

No one I had ever connected with,
came close to the way you
made me feel, in a different sense.

Never did I ever expect to
fall so madly in love
with a man I had never met.

A spiritual connection between
you and I, that could never
be a replicate.

We live in between worlds,
a place where no one else
but you and I visit.

Only in my dreams can I feel
you. Nothing will ever make
this emptiness in my heart
right.

No matter how hard I try.
I won't give up
You are worth every breath,
as I grasp on to the present moment-
I won't give up.
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Apr 2015 · 299
A brand new world
You opened your eyes for the first time
and saw my face for what it truly was-
Full of light and hope and love.

You haven't witnessed the lies and
horrible cries of the world just yet.

I'm here  under the cover of night,
to protect you from everything
wrong and vile in this life.

The subtle cries and sadness you have
yet to endure.
Is everything I will shield you from,
and more.

My beautiful child, life hasn't cursed you
with a sense of overwhelming pride,
or blessed you with infinite joy.

So innocent and lively, I'll be ****** if anyone
ever takes that away from you.

My sweet child, there is nothing I wouldn't
do in this life to protect you.

The minute you came into this world, I knew
I would always love you.
© 2015 Christina Jackson
For my beautiful niece that was born on April 2nd 2015 <3
Mar 2015 · 311
Far away from here
I can see it in your eyes-
The way you look at me,
feels so right.
That rush of a stolen glance-
freezes my limbs and I begin
to wince.
I can only wonder if it is just I,
that imagines the chemistry
and passionate fire coursing through my
veins.
Am I alone in this?
Have I conjured up romantic notions
of you and I sliding against one
another,  slowly discovering the
sum of parts we are made up of
and my mind drifts further and further
into darker places
I question all of the times and talks
and stolen moments that I thought
we're beautiful.
Come to find out, you're nothing but
a ghost that was never real.

I've only imagined you my dear*
© 2015 Christina Jackson
Nov 2014 · 333
Nevermore
You were all that was sane in my life;
Now you've gone and entered the "afterlife".

Everything I loved, and aspired to be;
was you.

A successful strong independent women
that always knew what she wanted to do

After many years of suffering and unbearable
strife, she moved on.

Into another world; vast, far, and wide.

Oh what a lovely soul you had
a joy to be around

It's not the same anymore
nothing is alright
© 2014 Christina Jackson
Nov 2014 · 542
Tango
An object of fire
Is much to be desired
The heart is an *****
with multiple disorders.
The head and the heart-
are not so smart;
When *** and lust,
play a key part.

No one is safe
everyone's a target

I'm glued to you
like a magnet.

Our bodies intertwine,
resulting in pent up
magic.

Fantasies we've come up
within our heads.

Oh ***, ***; a dreadful
yet delightful sin.

© 2014 Christina Jackson*.
Nov 2014 · 337
Winter is near
Her world began like a blossoming flower
Day by day as she aged, it wilted and scattered

Pieces of petals roam the windy earth
Her former self lives in the remnants of the flowers

And so the hours pass her by

Tick, tick, tick

She cannot cry

She knows that everything and everyone shes ever
loved in this world will eventually die

Her eyes are unable to shed yet a drop
Her hearts frozen, the tears have run out.
© 2014 Christina Jackson
Nov 2014 · 341
Irate
The light flickered, casting a shadow across her eyes;
Hiding the rage and emotion she's kept pent up inside

He looks at her with wonder and care
Trying to figure out how to pull her out
of this paralyzing despair

She's lost in the shadow of night
Though her eyes give away
everything she locks inside

Not a word was spoken,
he knew in his heart
she was indefinitely broken
© 2014 Christina Jackson
Oct 2014 · 241
Confessional
Bless me father for I have sinned;
over and over, and over again
© 2014 Christina Jackson
Sep 2014 · 271
Conversations with God
The disappointment in her eyes- Rang like a million
church bells, over and over again.

Everything stopped- Frozen in time
Nothing made sense.
Ash and Urn, the unearthed dirt is crumbling now.

Laughing and sighing all at once.

The cathedral spoke to her in whispers,
Sweet whispers, and the shivers ran deep, deep
within her- down to her spine.

It was as though God was speaking to her through the *****
that echoed throughout the hallowed aisles- He spoke, but silently
wept, he wept for her; to understand why she had to go through all
of this again.

Why, is the question she's asked herself-
over and over and over again


The pastor spoke compassionately, with love
in his voice.
He always choked up, in between verse.
For he knew her, and her family's strife.
He too wept, for the once wonderful life, they
all so recently had.

Before that day- Nothing seemed to matter
But now it all faded away- into nothingness

As she wept her silent tears, God promised her
nothing would be the same, "oh sweet child, you have to
let go; rest your fears. You can't keep living and carrying around the pain. Oh deep and genuine pain, give me everything and I will release you. From those shackles, those rusted chains.

And she sighed, knowing he would do just
as he had promised.
She then let go of it all, and nothing was the same.
He walked with her, side by side.

The pastor spoke the last words of his sermon
As they threw ash to the wind- all of the sorrow,
need not burden anyone anymore.

I release you, please take off those chains-
You no longer have to worry, ever again
© 2014 Christina Jackson
Dedicated to my wonderful aunt Peggy that recently passed away. For she was beautiful in every conceivable way.
Sep 2014 · 256
You are all I need
Many a tear has shed from these eyes-

Through the years of loving you,
My life hasn't been the same
You have chemically altered the cells
in my heart and brain.
The love and care you've showed me-
knows no bounds.
It’s limitless in shape and form-
spanning thousands of lifetimes.

It is said, you only truly love once
And I have loved you with everything
I am, and everything I aspire to be,
springs from the gratitude and appreciation
I have had of knowing you, of loving you-
Of longing for you, night after night
With no end in sight, I have loved you
With everything I am
And everything I will ever be
My love, my life, my destiny.
© 2014 Christina Jackson
Sep 2014 · 564
Reflections of terror
Life is a broken mirror;
There is no superstition-
Beyond the shadows of that
soul ******* inanimate object
The image it reflects, lies beyond
nothing but deceit and terrified eyes.
I find immense comfort in never knowing why
© 2014 Christina Jackson
The rain pours heavy on my windowpanes; it is only through the darkness that I realize what pain truly means. The sorrow, the lack of luster in everyday that has changed and I fear for those who do not yet know what madness life brings. It is nothing yet everything to understand what suffering brings. The state of darkness looming upon wake, and when the dreams of your subconscious mind come to life and haunt you day by day, I fear for those who do not yet know real pain. The loss of someone you love being ripped away, so abruptly; worse than a Band-Aid on fresh wounds, so terribly worse than seeing someone you love fall deeper and deeper into the chasm of their own demons, like a well you’re drowning and eventually succumb to frightening disdain. One realizes that everything in life isn't truly the same, change is the only constant in this delirious world of contradicting facsimiles.

You have nothing but hope and faith in this world of detriment. And I hope someday you find what you're truly looking for, whether it be love or the meaning to life. But never forget who you truly are, regardless of the pain and the tears that washed away the innocence of your years and fears. I am truly sorry for what you have endured, but I cannot look back anymore, nor ponder upon those heart wrenching fears you called my own, of which I cannot call my own. You must own them like cheap records, and let them die in the night like the decades of musical loss and dying discords.  You must find yourself in this beautiful world, never give up on everything wonderful. For you are worth much more than words, much more than anything I could ever endure.
© 2014 Christina Jackson
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