The day they told me you had resigned,
I went searching for you.
My eyes sharpened to find you
like two new Ticonderoga pencils
on this timed, standardized test of life.
I, your pupil,
felt desperate to fill in the bubbles
on this journey
to fill up my heart again
with answers to questions
I knew only you could
score & tell me were right.
But you never had exams in your courses
I should've known when you left,
that was your way,
your blessing
to write my dissertation
and live my philosophy out, for you,
You had given me love,
you had always seen what I couldn't;
my potential. Who I am, truly.
And that's why, from you,
I learned everything & could feel internal peace
for I learned my purpose
& in my search for you again,
great teacher,
I realized you had never left
and the test had never existed.
I will still always wonder though
where you went.

(c) 2014

She always waits up for you,
your woman
always on,
lit up
like an old-fashioned
Christmas Tree
in a black & white film,
the way the white lights look
even brighter,
she's vintage beautiful.

So
When you turn the corner
of your dead end street
you two live on..
Does she now
how your love
flickers on & off
for her?

Every ones got a comment
I’m like the moon they need to howl
At ... about how I’m just lost or little or
Incomplete
Like my brightness in the dark
Means I’m outcasted
From some better life or some
Deeper joy
And I all feel is beaming energy
From whatever Serves me best
I’ve always been a different walker
Can’t you see I’m on my own my now?

You say, “Stillness is the goal.”
I’d like to know who YOU is
When you’re driving round the block
dodging love,
in her bed,
****** her head..
& still your mind’s like
a gentle stream
& you pretend
like you ain’t mean
But boy, you’re a dancing devil
slashing through a
peaceful field
you thrive off her destruction.

Some smiles are merely
a motion,
skin stretching to
cover
a thought
inflicted wound.

You tried to get me to remember.
Wrote it down on paper,
stuck it in my purse,
“Save it for later.”
& when you leave
I just breathe
& you prove
you were right again.
I’m always learning on my own.
But Would it really hurt to take me
With you?

Assumptions the kamikaze
Through my brain
Target . Reality
Perceived as threat
Heaven forbid
You see yourself
Safe Among the clouds for once.

I flicker from
one life to the next
like a thin match refusing
the fireplace.

My breathing's wrong.
This pattern inside me
isn't my rhythm.
You've got all the control
& I'm programmed to rise & fall
just from a single phrase of yours
and
I wish I could even try
to get this heart to knock on rib doors
build some courage up
to
whisper truths between the
sliver membranes so I can
try & balance out the breathing
and get a grip on reality
cause I'm almost outta that conscious-land
& I don't know
this man
he keeps bringing me to hell & heaven...
then back
with just his text.

(c) 2014

Drown it out
Hold the stop light under water
Tell me where’s the right path
To let go and unravel
I’ve been spinning in these hexagonal patterns
A pantomime of him, but I’m free rangin as I will like a leash I can’t let go of ..