You gave me a tango, and watched me dance
Till I collapse on the ground.
No, I won't be good enough.
But you gave me fale hope and watched me jump
towards a bed of lies.

You paid the bill. You laughed.
You despised it all yet you smiled and watched on.
I was a clown and you put me on
the way your put on your Burberry
then toss me aside once my heat gets too hot

You were tough. You climbed out of that *******
and made your way to the top. My
admiration and lust turned to a bitter
cloud of ash and dust when you tossed me
down from your cloud.

You loved my skin colour more than me.

So tell me when did french kisses
and biting my lips became a sign of
"I don't think this will ever work"
And when will you ever learn, that only
scumbags and *******
Fluently lead a *******?

If I had to fall in love I would fall
right into those dimples
and the soft hair that ruffles slightly
When you shoot me one of those
awkward smiles, shy to meet my hazelnut
eyes with your green hues.

I smelled love. Between Chai and coffee.
Brewing like the hot chocolate with cream
that stained your upper lip.
Your shyness, trying to avoid my gaze, but
your eyes lit up.

Blonde hair, creamy skin. Me like an opened
bottle of fizz, bubbly with joy, while you
shy and laughed along
held out your arm to me
so you could keep me safe.

Slow, gentle,sweeter than life.
You were not what I expected at all.
Not my type. Not the flashy kind.
But we ordered
the same drink at the same bar.

Vanity
made me numb for a while, I
mistaken my lust and ambition for love.
The men before you were as vain
as the price tag on my
red heel Louboutins.

But
You
didn't know did you?
Blue cashmere. Jeans and a gold watch.
You made a
sinner change her ways
you made a
Casanova believe in love again.

Her mascara stain imprinted on your collar
Smudged for the burgundy strawberry
You begged for me to plant on your neck
She knew.
She found out.
Your shirt smelled like
The sweet abyss of my body at night

I warned you from the start. On you lap,whispering,
hot breaths and tongue darting, telling you
I was a famed minx in
fishnets and a tight velvet dress, dripping red
But you held onto me
like your very life
Depended on the carnal lust that almost
swallowed you alive

I notorious, you famous. These two never
ever make a good pair.
But I caught your eye.
Long nights, your poured out your heart
And felt in me the echo, that was lost from her
from the very start. It echoed your soul.
You, truly you. You felt it.
I reciprocated every inch of just who you are

So I let you inside me, and ravish the little attraction
a broken soul had left.
Once.
Twice.
A thousand times over.

Panic burnt.
Your eyes red with pain
of the chaos and doors she slammed
in your face. She left. You lost her.
"The love of your life"
Who never knew what you are as a man
But you are here, back for comfort
A lie you tell yourself to be mine.

"You dress like a ****."
Yes, I can see it crystal clear now.
Mum, you were just jealous. I said it. Jealous.
Because my lips were crimson and it stung
your eyes. And I had charm, guts, cheeky grin.
All you never had.

"Go to the streets and sell yourself, you *****."
I. The *****? Because my top was tight.
And the hips you gave me, swayed when I walked.
"Your **** is so fat, look at you."
I wore what your shame was as pride. And the feline
liner didn't help with the disgust on your face
That disdain you never tried to hide.

You tried bribing me with labels encrusted in gold.
In return for behaving the way you want, the good girl
"I spent so much on you, do as you are told."
Put a price on freedom, and told me it's how it works
No happiness can be bought with less than six figures
was your motto.

I was the anomaly in your schemed life
your controlled perfection, calculated to
hide the anxiety that hung loose. I yielded
to pleasure, you clung to your fears for your
life. So you snatched my breath, locked me up
to comfort your devils instead.

Cooking, cleaning, putting porcelain in place
Dusting, wiping, my every move was timed
"You should do it all, it's all your duty.
  I did it all for you, now you for me."
I can see it now, I was no different to your
Equity funds and market shares. If I dip down
the streets and venom would be my end.

You didn't love me Mum, yes I said it.
You loved the idea of the
perfect daughter you controlled in your head.
Good. Innocent. Obedient. Nice.
I am sorry, Mum, but a bird gotta fly
Not to be suffocated, wings snapped, in a bed of lies.
So if you wake up one morning,
Don't ask me why I am gone
The way Dad walked out, 15 years ago, on that day.

The molten kisses, blazen passion
We had. I bit my tongue and traded it in
The starry eyes you had for me. I am sorry
I lied. I did not feel the same.
I took a hammer to your heart which so
rarely
opened up for
Me. Me?
I did not deserve all the love you had for me.

So I breathed glossy, and decided to trade it in
I put on my act, shimmered and shined.
I knew my brain and beauty.Charmed far beyond
that secluded Manchester town, where
you hailed from.
I was from the city lights. I was on the brink of pyramid top.
Daddy was Sipping Moet, but not yet Perignon.
The Brink is the worst.
So I tossed you and climbed up.

I got more than I ever desired.
Diamonds big as plums. Hunting, in a wood
named after his Papa. My dog was on Tatler!
Vogue wrote about my gown.
But I knew you would need to be gone.

So in this loophole of vanity and fame, diamonds and pearls
I miss you late nights alone drenched in icy cold hearts
But I knew my choice would go, and I would miss you
tonight, yes I would. Your warmth haunts my memories.
Smile. Honey, Smile. Let your ambition and greed overpower love.
I blink
Once
Twice
I don't need warmth. I will be back to that life happy. At the break of dawn.

I closed my heart off as soon as
you made me feel like
there was a zoo in my head
the way I thought I would never feel again:

Madly
Truly
Insanely in love

But you wanted to wait. So I zipped up
and I waited.
You fell deeper, harder, crazier
I slipped further, colder, soberer

You took your time to make me feel it
The promises delivered, the kisses raw
But I was fading, I stopped craving
I started frowning at your flaws

So by the time you fall at your knees
with a ring.  I would smile and say no.
Not. at. all.
My insecurities took over way too strong
for time to prove me wrong

I took out my heart, piece by piece
from the bin and you stuck it back
fractured, cello taped, but back in one piece
And I wore it carefully on my sleeve for
them to see you were there for me.

Then it became toxic, what was cute turned into
poison. You grew sick. And I frantically
annoyed you harder, desperate
not to show what fear was driving me.

My naivety, my vain, my egos and my tears
I didn't know whether you liked them
Probably not,
Probably I promised too much to be kept up
All I know is I wouldn't show them to anyone
else, I put a wall for everyone but you to find out
I was a child and you were the plushie
ripped from me, then apart.

I was your Kitty but I am a stray cat without
a home. How can you be a stray cat with all
your diamonds and pearls? They ask.
YSL Black *****. Tiffany Collars. Cartier Bracelets.
I would give them all up.
A kitty will always be a stray cat, when without your love as her armor.