Sometimes you have to put that mask of a smile upon your own face, you have to believe your own happiness.
But what is to happen to the scars you just can't seem to erase, that are supposed to make up who you really are.
Sometimes I day dream about the before. About how things were up until we were told who we are meant to be, how we are made to act.
Who each of us would be individually instead of which piece we play to make us all a whole.
But at the end of the day some things you just don't say, and I can't say I'm a believer or that I end my days on my knees to pray.
I don't really understand how our lives happen to go by so fast, no wonder we end our days out of breath.
Some of us are meant to be in the light of day, easy lives but easy prey.
And some of us are meant to stay in the shade, hard teachings to make us strong, but who the hell cares if we die one day anyway.
I can honestly say I don't know what I'm doing with my life or what my role is in the grand plan we all take a part in.
I can't say I enjoy putting on this front every day to just get by, by hey, it's great to be alive...

Hope you didn't see,
The look in my eyes,
When I realized,
I was in love with another,
And no longer in love,
With the ocean that is you.

The first time I blacked out I was with you.
I'd never drank in front of you before and I only had a few, but you brought me more.
My intentions were only to forget the **** going on inside of my head.
So three because twelve and the room began to spin,
But not at first.
At first I was light, my body was not my own, I felt this power and you called me beautiful.
I was in total control...
Then, I wasn't.
I laughed loudly and I shouted to speak,
I talked about nothing's and got caught up in the sheet.
I could not walk so I started to crawl, to check my phone, if I'd missed a call.
I started to repeat myself, over and over again.
You realized I was done for and took me to your bed instead.
You laid me down and cradled my face, you shook me to snap me out.
"I'm in control, I've got this, I'm in control, I've got this" repeating, pouring from my lips.
The lips you leaned down and tenderly kissed.
My mind reacted but my lips could not move, they kept talking about control and about you.
"You love him, but he doesn't love you, you love him, but he doesn't love you" repeating, flowing from my mouth.
You left the room, left me alone, you couldn't handle my doubt.
A whole hour later you came back to me, I was still talking, repeating, repeating.
"Nobody loves you, just die, nobody loves you, just die" catching on the breath that left as I spoke.
You sat next to me and on my words I began to choke.
You shook me really hard and smacked at my face lightly.
I came into consciousness and then fell into sleep silently.

Innocence follows her, but inside she's wild,
She thinks of things that shouldn't be thought.
Her mind plays tricks while her heart ceases desire,
A fiction of its own, a lesson never taught.
And as she lays in bed at night, her eyes never truly close,
Seeing the colors in silhouette form, the painful memory shows.
The pitter-patter of a heart, beaten and broken yet fixed,
The silent screams in the dark, yet not a sound, transfixed.
A rage trapped beneath her light, she refuses to become what she hates,
The river that flows within her veins, a poison left to manipulate.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, she sings the melody again,
Paper bags and plastic hearts, a tune for only the insane.
"Each one has a color" she points to them all "some light and some dark"
"But those colors change in life when that person changes their mark."

Cannot sleep, all these memories are haunting me; purple and blue, a gift from you.
Will they stay? When will they fade?
To die like the happiness that seems to have left me, oh so heavy.
Take this heart, stomp out all the little pieces you created, all the pieces that you hated.
Hide my face away from the hidden, show me only to the blind.
Trust is not something that is easily given, especially from this heart of mine.
Lying on the ground, where you struck me down; battered, betrayed, I pray for the day.
Someone save me, for I am too shattered to do so myself, someone save me from this life that is my hell.
Help.

And the worst part about letting you go is I had to let go of everything you ruined. When I listened to my favorite songs I could no longer enjoy the rhythm or get lost in the lyrics, no. Instead I got lost in the way your lips sang along with the words, the way your eyes lit up when I decided to join you. I could no longer just drive down the road because every time I happen to glance at that passenger side, I could see glimpses of you. I could hear you from a distance laughing at the jokes I told. I could no longer walk down my hometown street without feeling your hand in mine, or go to the grocery store without relieving those moments in our favorite late night spot. I couldn't bare going to the park and listening to the leaves in the wind or watching the stars at night because you took that away from me too. You ruined the things in life that made me smile, that made me happy. My sheets are in the form of your silhouette and reek of your soul. I cannot wear my favorite top, I cannot view another sunset... because of you. I don't wear my hair the same way, I don't speak the same way. I cannot bare the loss of you. But I need to.

We all have secrets that we wish to keep but let me take a moment of your time to tell you mine.
My skeletons are simple, they are the ***** laundry that piles all the way up to the top where I wish my esteem could be.
I barely have the energy to get out of bed, take a shower, eat, something.
I can hardly go about my day to day casual living, so the pile just keeps on building.
I push my skeletons away when company is coming, and only then am I aware of how bad it has gotten.
It's not just my skeletons that are gathering dust and withering away, no.
It is I, sitting there all full of decay in the middle of the day, wasting time being sad rather than happy.
It is I, becoming one with my skeletons, my fragile ribs poking through my paling skin.
It is I, laying in my bed wishing it were a coffin, as my laundry sits untouched in my closet,
Because we all know that's where skeletons like to hide.
Sitting inside your very flesh waiting for you to rot and die so they can finally be found and come alive.