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jj Dec 2024
The night moves slowly,
Sensual touches every second,
My breath catches; this is unholy,
And my mind starts racing.

Racing back to when he touched me in the garage,
But his touch leaves a new burn.

I was in bed with my sweet man,
While he traced small circles in my skin,
Thats when the memories began,
And I was in the garage.

The garage where my life,
Took the worst turn.

When his hands left scars up my thighs,
And bruises on my ribs,
Makeup was my best disguise,
And no one knew.

Knew about the garage,
Where my soul wasnt a concern.

How do i get back to my sweet man,
Instead of this ******* who lives in my head,
I need to come up with a plan,
Where i get out alive.

Alive and free,
No longer in the garage i return.

I will not return whole,
I am battered and broke,
Be patient with my soul,
Thats all i ask.

Tell me im not in the garage,
And hold me til i yearn.

Yearn not for the pain,
But for the green flowers on my counter,
For how i feel sane,
And heard.

I was not heard in the garage.
But i am now.
hes patient w me and thats all i could ever ask for
(ignore when i take it down in 2mo *****)
jj Sep 2024
tingles start from the back of my head,
when i think about her sweet kiss,
all is good when i see red,
now im flying in pure bliss.
she lifts my feet off the ground,
and fills me with paradise,
its just me and her around,
shes my guiltiest sacrifice.
soon i feel like i will drown,
and my body is fatigued,
i can feel im about to come down,
her soft touch has me so intrigued.
she ****** my arm once again,
im begging for her love,
waits to know she hit a vein,
so i can fly above.
but now im up too high,
my chests about to burst,
please lord hear my cry,
ive finally done my worst.
ive been long forgotten,
not a memory of me in sight,
my body lays rotten,
i didnt even put up a fight.
that needle had me enslaved,
nothing else ever mattered,
she was all i craved,
but she left me feeling shattered.
been clean since 4/19/2022 needles were a main struggle
jj Mar 2019
Never been better
Than the day i asked you
Not in person or in a letter
But with my special voodoo

You said yes
With love in your eyes
My heart exploded in a mess
I still remember that days sunrise

Awaiting the day
To see you walk the aisle
You said you'd wait for my birthday
I still have the biggest smile

No question in my mind
This is what fate wanted
Our hands intertwined
Never a day feeling daunted
im officially engaged
jj Mar 2019
Begging, pleading, wishing to see another day,
Harder and harder as i start to sway,
Blood rushing to my head,
The demon inside me craves to be fed.

But i won't let it win,
Head up shoulder back key to beating this sin,
I'll battle until my final night,
Because this is my dying fight.

Everyday is something new,
I feel stuck as if in queue,
Tired of the same routine,
Waiting for the day i'm eighteen.

To be free.
To be alive.
To be me.
Stay alive.
fight against yourself all you have to stay alive my friends someone is watching over you.
jj Mar 2019
I'm done living like this,
Depending on substances,
My last sweet bottle kiss,
Not everyone gets second chances.

Tired of disappointing my dad,
Wasting paycheck after paycheck,
Just to feeling anything but bad,
Finally turning around this shipwreck.

Only 8 days sober from alcohol,
74 days clean from harder drugs,
Sometimes it feels like i hit a wall,
But i'm reminded by those hugs.

Reminded why i stopped,
Why i don't need these anymore,
Life's like cherries topped,
I'm not your little *****.

The air smells cleaner,
The clouds aren’t as grey,
I used to be so much meaner,
Glad to be here another day.
i had a really big drug problem and sometimes i crave it but im stronger than this stronger than i know
jj Jan 2019
i did lines
not just of poetry
it’s the thing that binds
me to myself
i've had a few things hidden up my sleeve.
jj Jan 2019
“recovery”
is too romanticized,
it’s not taking a bite,
or skipping a smoke,
it’s relapse and tears,
runs for weeks or running for weeks,
thoughts constantly stirring,
never fully recovered,
never really alone,
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