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Jun 2015 · 308
Sincerely yours,
Autumn Shayse Jun 2015
Firstly,
thank you,
for the way you did it,
dropping me like that,
from such a height,
letting me cascade and crash like that

no-one ever expresses how they feel,
until their feelings fade,
and all of a sudden,
there's no need for an explanation,
only broken goodbyes

you get told that you're strong
that you're gonna be okay,
but that's no use at present,
I am going to be okay,
One day - maybe soon -
it's not gonna hurt anymore,
I'll get to fade too

but for now,
I'm sincerely yours,
and that ******* *****.
breakup relationship
Apr 2015 · 420
Ambering
Autumn Shayse Apr 2015
Ambering leaves are what I think of
when I think of what I've lost
Yes they are beautiful
Yes they are indeed my favourite
But they are dwindling,
dying out
they are not whole-hearted or right,
they are merely decaying
ambering isn't even a word hahahaha
Dec 2014 · 460
*fuck you*
Autumn Shayse Dec 2014
You misunderstood my darling,
come closer, I'll whisper it to you;
closer now,
draw  in once more,
I crave nothing more than your twisted temptation -
close enough?

*******

You did hear me correctly darling,
there was no stutter,
you are deserving of nothing less,
that's just it you see,
you deserve less than nothing
for you care for no-one
for destruction forms your entertainment

You got it yet?
Don't you dare think that I feel anything
I am neither angry nor sad,
I do not hate you,
I am indifferent
sorry for the victimisation.
Nov 2014 · 543
Untitled
Autumn Shayse Nov 2014
Listen,
to you it may all be a game,
it's a laugh,
a joke,
which is something I like the most about you;
there's nothing serious plaguing your soul

but it's just got to be remembered,
i'm much too fragile to fall for it
whole-heartedly,
i refuse to see myself as anything
special to anyone
i'm much too destructive for that

so thanks and all
but i don't think i'm right for you
and ******* for that too.
Nov 2014 · 634
a mere wanderer
Autumn Shayse Nov 2014
maybe I don't want to fall in love,
and maybe that makes me a cynic -
but it is better that
than to risk losing the most precarious thing of all;
myself

the only real commitment which
I desire,
is to myself;
I never want to feel replaced
by another  temporary soul
a mere wanderer
Oct 2014 · 326
Selfish agenda
Autumn Shayse Oct 2014
I should have just let you
**** me,
like you're going to do to her,
I should have just let you,
use me

I should have just let you,
cure your boredom,
I should have just let you,
satisfy your own selfish agenda,

Y'see,
I should have just given you what you wanted,
because it hurts to not be near you anymore,
and it certainly hurts much more,
that someone else is giving that to you.
Oct 2014 · 400
Fragments
Autumn Shayse Oct 2014
I am not one whole person,
of that I'm certain;
there's a confidence within me,
an arrogance almost -
matched against a crippling shyness,
uncertainty of every judgement, I may make;

there's creativity,
it runs through my bones,
sending sparks and shivers accordingly

there's a loving mind
for those closest to me,
and for those things most intriguing
this is matched with my cynic's heart;
a fatal flaw,
I am cold within
for it is easier, there is no pain - that is
numbness

I am not a whole person,
I am incomplete,
I am not simplistic,
I am fragmented
Oct 2014 · 901
i, last night.
Autumn Shayse Oct 2014
i did something stupid last night,
i ****** myself in
to an intangible web,
spinning itself only in
to destruction

i know i did something stupid last night,
i listened and i spoke honestly
(***** does that to you)
i told you, your face is pretty
and i made sure you believed it.


i know i was stupid last night,
i must have been pretty ****
dumb
'cause you entrusted me with something
something of broken innocence,
and i cannot
let it go.
embarrassment for both the event and my summary is pretty high
Sep 2014 · 215
Untitled
Autumn Shayse Sep 2014
Is it lame
that I wanted last night to be different,
that I didn't want the poison to trickle down
my throat for no reason

Is it stupid
that I made an effort last night,
that I was undeniably happy and yet
no one seemed to care

Am I lame
because I wanted someone to
replace the taste of toxic
leaving their scent on me  
so I wasn't alone
Autumn Shayse Sep 2014
I guess if I knew what I'd wanted then,
I wouldn't be in the mess that I'm in now;
tangled in barbed wire hearts and broken
shells of promises never kept.

I guess if I had just decided back then,
to stick to the plan
to keep my heart closed off then,
I think I may have been alright and I
wouldn't feel this intense chill
through to the ends of my bones

I guess if I could have just stayed away,
remained strong as I had for all those years before
then
you wouldn't have left me curled up waiting for death
with arms wide open,
as though death is the final relief
and not plagued with regret
constantly torn between an open heart and a cynics mind
Sep 2014 · 1.8k
Light, illuminates
Autumn Shayse Sep 2014
Carved insanity,
Etched deep in the mind,
Darkness reigns.

Shattered tragedy,
Fragmented a thousand different ways,
Pain glistens.

But also,

Clarified simplicity,
Weaved intricately,
Beauty clings.

Confounding happiness,
Overshadowing all else,
Light illuminates.
Aug 2014 · 1.1k
Please don't
Autumn Shayse Aug 2014
Please don't tell me
that you've always been in love
with me and that you will always
have these feelings for me
I don't buy that
Please don't call me
at 4am with heart
felt messages in a
drunken state
I won't buy that

Please don't chase me
when I run away from
you, when I desert you
halfway through dinner and
scream hellbent 'I love
you's' at me across the street
I shan't buy that

Please do
understand,
that I am faithful to
no-one, that I
am capable of
nothing, save destruction
and that I do not buy
into the ideals of love,
into anything more than
***** fuelled hook-ups
and faible, fiery passion.
I want to be able to write properly again so so so badly
I feel as though if I persevere with this **** then one day I might just get it back
Aug 2014 · 574
After midnight
Autumn Shayse Aug 2014
It's as if everything begins
To
      Click
Into place,
Once the sun goes down
And each and every star appears
In a cloudless sky -
For it is then that you become aware,
There is always beauty staring upon us,
There is such significance in the simplicity of life,
Such sanctity in the minor embers of grace

It's as if everything begins
To
     Dawn
On everyone,
When dawn is as far away
As the moon -
How quaint.
Jul 2014 · 262
Untitled
Autumn Shayse Jul 2014
Much as nature
decays
I crumble: ceaseless in the cycle
of life,
Death draws closer
with each piercing breath
I am wilting;
with no respite as I
hit
the ground;
landing softly on the harshness of death,
where I will remain,
a constant nothingness -
a mere whisper in the dark
Jul 2014 · 1.3k
Sunrise
Autumn Shayse Jul 2014
Who knows (cares) if they entangle themselves with the right person:
No one ever pays real attention to the cards they've been dealt;
They merely focus upon the strength of the hand,
They simply look for a way to win, or to hold on at the very least -
For in the end it does not matter
whether the stars have all aligned,
as you only need enough light to power the moon through to sunrise
I mixed up imagery ffs I don't know how to write at all
Jun 2014 · 966
Faithless
Autumn Shayse Jun 2014
Pray,
Take thy faith and
Place it in me;
Give me your devotion
Call upon my doubtful mind
Direct me unto peace
For I am faithless.
Jun 2014 · 382
An introduction
Autumn Shayse Jun 2014
Hello
Hi
Welcome, it's an invitation to my crooked soul,
To my unwilling heart

You need not know my name,
For names do not explain why I am the way I am,
Why I write the way that I do;

All you need, is a little introduction, to the things that matter -

I love the moon and the stars,
In all their metaphoric beauty,
I live for the love both within and of fiction
But I do not crave to be in love myself,
Loud and shy simultaneously,
I fight with my own stupidity
A writer without a choice,
For without it I am
A crooked soul at best
Jun 2014 · 454
Unrealistic Dawn
Autumn Shayse Jun 2014
I often spend my nights,
Plagued with insomniac thoughts,
A desire to be awake and alive,
A need to exceed expectations,
To be something to someone,

It's as if,
With the rise of the moon, I find myself able to see my ambitions,
With the rise of the moon, I am free of any demons and entanglements
And with the rise of the moon,
I am ready to face an implausible, unimaginable  dawn
I can't write like I used to and I hate it
Jun 2014 · 829
As Implied
Autumn Shayse Jun 2014
Fingertips etch onto the skin,
it's prints ever permanent;
once touched, it's
impossible to be totally neglected -

Every touch leaves a trail
and with a shiver, a tingle,
your fingertips render me warm  -
for I am trapped in your embrace,
with as little choice as implied
Jun 2014 · 299
A beautiful addiction
Autumn Shayse Jun 2014
It's like a scotch for an alcoholic,
Or the sun for the moon;
It's like the light for the blind,
Or music for the deaf;
It's like peace for soldiers
Or time for those running out -
That's what it's like,
To fall in love with poetry,
To appreciate the works of the greats,
To understand the beauty of interpretation -
it's nothing more and
nothing less than
an addiction
May 2014 · 432
Futile
Autumn Shayse May 2014
To say that,
All one wants
Is to be loved
Is quite a lie

To say that
All one needs
Is to find their lost soul,
Is to discover completion
Is not true

And to say that,
All one has
Is an ability to seek and search
Is an ability to love and be loved
Is utter *******

For,
Love is an acquired taste
Some would say its bitter
Others argue it has a sour note
And some, they find it tasteless
and therefore pointless
I have a serious issue with love idk
May 2014 · 840
A lunar afterthought
Autumn Shayse May 2014
How do you express,
that you constantly feel lunar -
amongst a sea of sunshine,
constantly bathed in their beauty,
constantly seeing their potential,
never quite making it

How do you explain,
that you feel like the remnants of
a something great,
the afterthought of a Dicken's novel,
the fading light at the end of a play,
the deleted scene of that 'classic'

How do you speak up,
when you feel like
you're just never going to be considered
no matter how hard you try -
that you're always going to be lunar
without any hope of ever shining through
May 2014 · 501
Whispered beauty
Autumn Shayse May 2014
Shouting is not an art form
it's ugliness; rendered in-concealable,
for there is no beauty within it -
although it is sometimes necessary,
as sometimes;
we need to be exposed, whole-heartedly,
to the harshness,
within this destructed world
within our blackened hearts

but

Expression should be whispered,
as only those willing,
to strain their
delicate ears to hear,
are capable to listen,
to shine through.

after all

shouting will not unveil
ignorance,
it will simply shatter the
delicacy of expression,
and blacken our hearts once more.
I hope I got my point across
Apr 2014 · 997
Flattery
Autumn Shayse Apr 2014
Maybe
If  I was who you thought,
Then I would love you,
I would want to be gorgeous and
oh so lovely,
Maybe
If I wasn't so
Destroyed,
Tainted; then I would love you

Unfortunately,
I am not
What you want me to be;
And so for us,
There can never be a *maybe
Apr 2014 · 627
Fickle fragility
Autumn Shayse Apr 2014
You do not say my name anymore;
It's as if I've dropped off your radar -
The two syllables which form my name
Erased
As though if you don't say it,
I'll cease to exist

You do not call my name anymore;
Although I am ever-present -
I do not intend to
Disappear
Even if you won't say it,
I'll not cease

You do not want me anymore;
And it's there that you have lost -
In order to repel this fickle heart,
You must crave it
With total earnest
And sincere desire.
Mar 2014 · 856
Emphasis
Autumn Shayse Mar 2014
It's only now,
that I can see the
emphasis; that has been placed
upon the negativity
within our lives

We're so often
infatuated
with other people,
and their powers and thoughts -
as though they are of
greater significance to us

Perhaps we had better,
take a step back:
glance over the large issues
pay attention to the subtleties
of unnoticed beauties;
to value ourselves,
allow ourselves to be more than
mere consequence,
to become a true soul,
holding just as much
importance -
beauty
Feb 2014 · 284
Here's how I know
Autumn Shayse Feb 2014
Everyone
calls me a cynic;
thinks of me as a fool -
for I do not believe in the reality
of soul-completing
story-worthily compelling
love

And I'm not sorry

Because
I know what I mean
and I know how I feel

Love is simply fictitious -
If it wasn't,
then one wouldn't
fall in and out of it
so quickly
No,
one wouldn't choose to hurt
and betray
and scare off
if it was real

And that's how I know
Feb 2014 · 586
Smother
Autumn Shayse Feb 2014
Smothered
by encompassing feelings
of doubt
and scrutiny -
knowing my failings,
losing my successes,
I'm struggling
to know what's
mine
and what's not
I'm trying
to be the best I can be
to rid myself
of the selfishness
that I hold
to be content
with my lack
of substance.
Feb 2014 · 546
Unsaid apology
Autumn Shayse Feb 2014
I'm sorry
that you wanted her lips
and not mine -
I'm sorry that I misunderstood
I'm sorry that I got
mixed up

It's not your fault;
that I'm fatefully attached
to anyone
who shows just an etch of
consideration
to my worthless soul

And I am sorry,
that I thought you might be my way out
Jan 2014 · 943
Delicately destroyed.
Autumn Shayse Jan 2014
Plagued
by the incessant beauty
of the moonlight;

Delicately destroyed
by the unforgiving kindness,
of the stars,
who continue to flicker
no matter what they face
when our back's are turned.

It is the beauty
and the kindness
of these things;
that make me weak,
for in beauty,
and in kindness,
there are no faults.
I refuse to give up on my ****** writing ok
Dec 2013 · 1.2k
Entwined
Autumn Shayse Dec 2013
You swore you'd always be there,
That you'd never change,
Psychotic delusions,
playing through my mind -

You promised it would never dim,
That you'd never seek the darkness;
Remnants of a past self,
haunting through my soul -

You forgot, of course,
That you were me,
And I am you;
We are just different forms
Of this one particular life

You should remember this:
Life is but a story,
retold and
replayed ceaselessly

And it's okay to constantly focus on the road ahead
Whilst relying solely on your past self,
As long as you remember that they
are entwined.
Dec 2013 · 286
Some(one)thing
Autumn Shayse Dec 2013
Someone,
pressed their lips against my own,
a while back,
and
they were the first to do so.

Someone,
was as lost as I was
for a change,
and
they forgot a lot of it the next day,
same as I.

Someone,
has left me confused,
not in feeling,
for I know that
it was encased with inebriation
and not filled with regret,
merely delicately etched with it.

No
Someone,
has rendered me lost,
because before I knew I deserved nothing,
and
now I'm wondering why there's nothing more.

Someone,
took away my assurance,
that I would always be
alone
and has enclosed me
in a sea of doubt and hope
that I wish I could shake.
I don't know what the **** is going on with me - like at all I just can't shake this feeling of something.
Dec 2013 · 408
A plea
Autumn Shayse Dec 2013
Scrambling,
Desperately seeking to return -
to the world I once knew,
the world once so familiar
now it's terrifying.

Lost,
Determined to retreat -
to a place I once loved,
a place where I once was a perfect fit,
and I no longer belong.

Frozen,
Seeking myself -
in a time where I was
confident,
strong,
fearless,
all qualities which have since been
stolen from my soul,
whisked away into the winter night.
Not only have I lost all writing talent but I have seemingly lost myself - if found, please return.
Nov 2013 · 857
Ephemeral
Autumn Shayse Nov 2013
Love is flung around,  
Everybody says it,
Everybody wants it
not me.

I don't want love,
Love is ephemeral,
Love is invasive,
It pushes everyone else away,
Makes you feel invincible,
Before ripping you apart,
Leaving you desolate and isolated,
With the remnants of your former self.
Nov 2013 · 398
Untitled
Autumn Shayse Nov 2013
Tears cascade down my face once more,
They're never far -
Neither a friend nor foe,
I just wish I could hold myself,
Stand tall,
Push through it all,
Remain resiliant.
Nov 2013 · 1.5k
Closure
Autumn Shayse Nov 2013
I wish there was a way
to deploy the emotion,
let it tumble from my ragged chest,
let the world fight my sorrow,
my tainted facade,
my lonliness,
my separation,
In the hopes of closure:
The chance to stitch my chest
And once more
Make it whole
Nov 2013 · 286
Untitled
Autumn Shayse Nov 2013
If only I was different,
if the thoughts that encompass my mind
were different
were less,
then maybe I wouldn't be so isolated
Desolate.

If only I could show you
that somewhere within
I want all the things I fear aloud
I yearn for somebody to care enough
To push through the occluding ****
That I put up

I want nothing more
Than the  destruction of the isolation
of the desolation
that is worked through my bones
Oct 2013 · 568
Without a second glance.
Autumn Shayse Oct 2013
I always have something to say,
it's what I'm known for,
I speak with ease,
with fear,
with anger or frustration,
with anxiety.

I always know to speak,
whenever,
with whomever
I may come across -
even though it's true,
I sometimes struggle,
to stop
the words
as they tumble from my mouth
without a second glance.

I always want to write,
to use those words to
create pictures,
to allow interpretations -
alas, this seems to be the
sole time
that words
fail me.
I feel like I've lost it - I don't know what to write anymore
Oct 2013 · 3.4k
Unsure
Autumn Shayse Oct 2013
Unsure,
Pen touches paper,
words tumble from my mind
straight
onto the page.

There is never any technique,
it's always just
misguided thoughts
expressive uncertainties
scrawled for the world.
Oct 2013 · 405
Any worth
Autumn Shayse Oct 2013
I've not,
written anything of any worth,
in a while,
I've forgotten,
anything of any decency
that could work,
I've missed,
the freedom of writing
and the feelings along with it,

*I'm trapped inside my ******* mind,
Not a clue what to leave behind.
I'm so frustrated by it arrrrghhhh
Oct 2013 · 1.2k
Longing
Autumn Shayse Oct 2013
I long to be at sea,
the waves lapping around me,
the fluidity the sea provides -
a protection,
a tie.

But more so,
I long to
feel
insignificant
and yet for the first time,
completely whole
Oct 2013 · 380
A writer's emotion
Autumn Shayse Oct 2013
Fingertips tracing skin,
like words forming,
scattering trails on a page;
Providing hope,
Shattering dreams,
Creating fantasies with each
and every syllable, each
and every embrace.

I let the words
tumble out of me,
never understanding,
justifying
why I feel so free.

Perhaps,
it is the barricades of others,
the view that I deserve to be alone,
which stops me
from revealing how I really feel,
that I even feel at all.

Expression of
the entanglement of emotion
that encompasses my very being,
that opens me up to the fingertips on my skin.
Autumn Shayse Sep 2013
I don't want to write anymore,
it's hurting me so much,
I'm losing myself in a sea of words,
of things I don't understand

I don't want to write anymore,
it makes me think about myself,
it makes me wonder why I bother,
why I am the way I am

I don't want to write anymore,
I just want to stop.
I need my head to stop circling,
I need my heart to collapse.

I don't want to write anymore,
I just need to understand
why it is,
that life makes no sense
Sep 2013 · 848
Embedded
Autumn Shayse Sep 2013
Love;
It needs not exist -
It simply desires to be planted,
Into a fragmented mind

For
It shall embed and allure,
almost anybody,
Deceiving them with its charms
Fooling them with its invasion;

And
In the state of disillusionment
they will be,
Inconceivably mistaken
and yet content beyond
anything any other real
emotion could conjure.
Sep 2013 · 523
Decay and Wilting.
Autumn Shayse Sep 2013
there is so much guilt for
the dead,
as though to not pity them,
is to erase them completely.

we fear for
the dead,
as though they are lost
and afraid,
as though without our
dulcet whisperings,
they shall be alone in the dark;

I think that we should smile for
the dead,
after all,
they probably do not care
as they are too busy
decaying,
as we're wilting.
inspired by Christina Rossetti's 'when I am dead, my dearest'  and people's ridiculous obsession with informing everyone how much they loved someone who died, when in fact they didn't even know them.
Sep 2013 · 464
the darkness
Autumn Shayse Sep 2013
and when the darkness sets in,
the day has faded,
I think of you,
floating with the stars

loss is not something I'm accustomed to,
not something anyone should be,
but you're gone

I love to believe in
the place in the sky,
where you will be fine -
I love  to believe
that you are ever present
I love to believe
in fairy-tales.

clashing,
worlds connecting if only for a
breathless moment
as the darkness settles in.
Aug 2013 · 242
Untitled
Autumn Shayse Aug 2013
I don't know
how to write
anymore:
my thoughts are
trapped,
in this little
mind of mine.
Aug 2013 · 348
Something
Autumn Shayse Aug 2013
I guess
I just
Want to feel something;
Anything really -

Fingertips tracing,
Lips meeting,
Touch after touch
Eyes searching,
Cheeks flushing

I guess
I just
Want to be something;
Anything really -

Alive,
Broken,
Torn apart
Engulfed,
Important

I guess
I just
Want something to happen;
No, not something,
It
Whatever 'it' is
I am so sorry about the title of this and also sorry because I write only at night
Aug 2013 · 752
Lies
Autumn Shayse Aug 2013
I
am tangled in a web
of discretion's,
lies unto which,
I only told
myself.
Autumn Shayse Aug 2013
The heart does not ask pleasure first,
It does not crave the feelings of passion,
lust or desire

The heart does not ask pleasure first,
It is not considerate to the essential realism,
The morale of the mind

The heart does not ask pleasure first,
Instead it seeks only to be felt,
Whether it be pounding
or merely ceaseless ebbing

The heart does not ask pleasure first,
It asks for pain, for despair,
for anything to provide a reminder,
that it is always there
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