like a building without a facade
a church without a door
I stammer
utter a false prologue
made up in a backyard of days
past
sandbox hopes red skins sweltering
where we never tired
just played
with matchbox cars
and saved all our popsicle sticks
making lanes
in the dirt
until  mama called dinner
and we ate pork chops beaming
those days I cherish
now I
sit on the couch
reminiscing

Its been a while since ive picked up a pen and paper
but been even longer since i picked up a blade

ive come to live with my insecurities
my imperfections
my mistakes

i dont need makeup to be beautiful
i dont need to starve myself to be happy
i dont need to loose weight to be skinny

im me for a reason
i have scars for a reason
i have differences for a reason

it may have taken me a while to figure this out
but everything takes time...

Angular sparrow, luxurious, towering swan,
beautiful sidekick. This might be
a Forget-About-Him Poem.
I want to take You into my arms.

Come to where we and the others live:
You and I and everyone else I know, we can live
in the familiar world of half-having,
dreaming of more, but never truly wanting it.

Come back to the Apartment Life You led
as a girl. We would do things like
let You Make Meals for us.
We would let You do Normal Things,

like Take out the Trash and Watch the Kids
and Wipe the Table  and Do the Dishes.
We wouldn't make You wear Makeup.
We wouldn't make You wear Heels.

You could be one of us.
We would never ask You to try to seem
or look other than what You are.
I'll tell You, it will be like a dream:

and the Rich will be envious of the Poor;
we don't have; we are.
It is a simple paradise,
and no one gets *******.

I have tired eyes,
with a sweet soul
under a black veil
disguise*.

Countless tombstones lined up
  like shark teeth
Waiting for the next generation
  to march into their graves
Helmets waiting
  for heads waiting
    for their bullet holes
Dying in the same clothes
  as their father
    and their father
      before them
Because everyone
  loves a corpse
      in uniform
Left,
  Left,
   Left right left
The endless
   mobius strip
        of war

I
I loved you whole heartedly once
Under your bedsheets under the silence
Or any place covered in darkness
Where no one could see the way
Your flesh melded into​ mine
I suffered a year drowning in grief
You lived a life never committing
We met by chance and latched on
I loved how free your memories were
How wild your plans could be
I loved the life i found in your eyes
I enjoyed the rasp in your voice
Heavy with love, heavy with lust

                          II
I loved how you helped me heal once
Never had I loved in others
The parts I loved in you
You joked that you were my first
I'll never forget your bucket list
Give birth to life, love intensely,
Save a life, kiss a ******
You said you'd name your first child
Washington, where your heart belonged
You had fond childhood memories there
I remember making similar plans
Before life made its own plans for me
My thoughts were lingering on him
We argued about that some times
Screaming with lust, screaming in anger

                          III
I didn't know how to love you once
I was full of tantalizing words
Sizzling on the tip of my tongue
Waiting to tell you how I felt
But his name was the only thing
That could escape from my lips
You'd shout and cry and break things
You said my heart was an enigmas
Full of love for things that didn't exist
Full of love for people that no longer lived
I loved him imensely, I loved you intensely

                        IV
I love how you moved on once
You deserved better than to be
Someone's ***** little secret
You were anything but that to me
I didn't want you to fight ghosts
Because of my inability to let go
It was better off that way
Your mother called me one day
Five years after you walked away
I wore your favorite color as asked
Finally met your family years too late
I'm sure you checked off every item
From your bucket list right before
Your brother handed me your baby
He weeped as he told me that
She was named after where
Your heart really belonged
She carries your love, she carries my name