we all have a reason to hate ourselves and I am my own reason.

I remember being little and crying myself to sleep every night
I remember being little and thinking I was just a waste of space

until there was a day I promised myself to never cry again about  
something that wasn't worth crying about, something like feelings

when I grew older I learned a lot of people hate them selves
it was normal to not define yourself as something beautiful

I remember being little and crying about the blood on my sheets
I remember being little and falling into this hole of never ending darkness

most of the time I would spend wondering why did you hate me?
why didn't you like me and why would you harm me in this way

I remember meeting this old man on the beach, he had this special gift
I remember him telling me all things about myself and about my life

the older man amazed me with the things he told me, a world opened
he told me I was the most beautiful yet saddest girl in my friend group

I remember making a promise to this stranger about not harming myself..
I remember not showing any emotion or tears while making this promise..

the beach was so magical that day, everything was just perfect that day
and I wish that today was like that day, a perfect day... but with you..

because I am crying now because after four months I broke that promise.

I am terribly afraid of burning to death
and I am not very keen on freezing either
So if i would choose
I would probably choose neither.
or if the world had to perish in any manner
I wish to be dead before any encounter

I could hypnotize you with my demonic eyes
and it still wouldn't be enough for you to love me

it was always you who made me laugh and question life
the birds weren't flying for the broken people yesterday
and sometimes being crazy was all what made me feel normal

you make me feel afraid but also make me feel myself
you make me wanna cut my veins and cry my eyes out

the devil itself was made of more beauty than I was
he gave me his eyes but I couldn't compete with his soul

so maybe you were right to leave me standing there
or maybe I was wrong chasing you after you did left me

you were the light in my life but also my darkness

And the walls started spinning
And her thoughts were wandering
Where did time go
What happened to sunlight, daisies and life aglow
Because now all she was left with was vertigo

A silence enveloped in pain
The girl who cried
She no longer felt the urge
Because all feeling was gone
And all feeling had died
And now all she was left with was silence

i fell back into the ocean
and the mermaids dragged me down
i fought them, struggling
trying not to drown
but the mermaids pulled me under
they taught me how to breathe
and now that i have caught my breath
there's no way i can leave